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Intimacy
Intimacy
There is a fear that I have that resides in the inner valves of my heart
It sits there, waiting for a chance to pull me into its illusion
An illusion that bubbles like stew, brewing until it all falls out
I was only sixteen when my father held me by the throat and said,
”If you don’t make your man happy, he will eventually leave you”
And from that day on, I began putting bricks around my heart
Making sure that not a single space existed for anyone’s love to leach in
I feared intimacy,
The same way people feared diseases and death
I feared men
round-color: transparent; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">The same way children feared clowns
The idea that someone could intimately be so close made my skin crawl.
A part of me wanted to believe that the “one” existed
But my father’s words would always ring in my ears,
Managing to crush every ounce of hope that I had.
His voice just never seemed to leave me alone
I wish there was a way to let love in,
A way to make my father’s voice disappear into a bin,
But for now, life will stay like this
With me hiding in my brick home,
And love knocking at my door.
