I'm not me anymore

I remember my old self, 

a strong confident girl, 

a bit fearful at the inside, 

but still overcame it all. 

Recently I cannot

recognize myself anymore, 

a coward little git

who just can't speak at all. 

Screams at the inside

facing an endless turmoil

But still won't utter a word

No matter how loud be the noise. 

I was often criticized

and in the corner I did cry, 

But never have I ever been

so fragile all my life. 

I didn't draw myself to the corner

and sank my head between knees, 

Neither did I shout at myself

for being who I've been. 

When all were against me

I still stood for myself

Then how can things go so awry, 

that now nothing seems of any help! 

When decided to change

I didn't know how it'd end

But I don't know what I am now

Just don't wanna pretend. 

Caused myself mental distress

Now nearing towards the hell, 

Hundreds of shrieking voices inside

How do I make them quell? 

It's okay to be whatever, 

But would I stand up never? 

Who'll answer the why's and how's? 

Would I suffer like this forever?