I'm Just Sorry

Mommy, I'm sorry I manipulate you for,

The alcohol I feel I love more,

And Daddy I'm sorry I pretend I'm naive,

About all of my bad deeds,

I tried so hard to stay dry,

But the rain it pours inside,

I'm drowning in my own self,

I'm suffocating with my mental health,

And I try, I try so hard,

To be who you care for,

The girl who laughs just cause she can,

Who asks for hugs before bed,

But I'm not here anymore,

And I'll never be moving forward,

But really I'm just someone,

Who feels way too much at once,

I cry at night when I'm all alone,

Dancing with my demons on my own,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,

I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,

That I don't have a problem with substances,

That I can recognize when I've had enough of them,

I'm so tired of pretending it's under control,

This feeling of alcohol that sings in my soul,

The cough syrup that makes my shaky thoughts,

Become shaky feet, legs, and hands,

I'd rather feel physically ill,

Then continue to be mentally unwell,

So I will continue to veer off the tracks,

And spin out of control, it's just a fact,

I have no sense of when to stop,

Please don't make me stop,

It's so hard to be in my own head,

Every day it's like a death,

I did a bit, a piece of me fades away,

And I'm sorry to inform you, to say,

I'm not okay, I'm just not alright,

With myself, I will continue to fight,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,

I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,

That I don't have a problem with substances,

That I can recognize when I've had enough of them.