Grief

I've grown up blaming everyone around me for everything. Everything wrong, or worse, everything right. 

I remember blaming my friend when my teacher did not allow us to play in the rain, because she liked the rain. I've blamed people when I fell but also when i got back up. When i have loved but also when i have lost. All to get rid of the grief.

Grief is mere ghar ka cheeni ka dabba jismei chitiya lag gayi or my yellow shirt jiska rang ur gaya. Grief is my sister not telling me what is wrong with her. Grief is my lover not holding my hand back on a cold night. Grief is so suffocating and cruel but grief is so so sad I feel sorry for them. 

I will never get my shirt back and i need to blame someone for it. My lover is not mine anymore and i need someone to curse. And so i choose grief and i curse them till i can get some weight off of my chest and rest for a while and have my chai. 

But i feel grief is like the wind. They will fly far away from me someday and abandon me for blaming them all my life. 

And then who do I blame for the kam cheeni in my chai?