Finality

Closer to the edge I walk

Closer to my mind I reach

Everything that has been foggy

Clears up In a blinding screech.

Am I worth something?

Will I be worth anything?

Why am I alive?

Why do I breathe?

I toe the line of the edge,

Insanity and exhaustion 

taking me,

down and down

No help to reach.

Apathy has taken me in its clutches

Sleep has forsaken me.

Sometimes I feel, I am at the edge of losing everything I hold dear 

And another I question If I could even love anything.

I don't even love 'me'.

What is this feeling?

What is this duality?

Both apathy and Misery

taking me.

I do not know which I would choose

Between these two behemoths.

What if my only choices are feeling nothing

or feeling constant misery?

I stay awake and stare at the ceiling

Night goes by 

And I try to drown these feelings.

I want to be clutched close by the Sandman 

I want to be cradled in the arms of Morpheus 

Yet disowned by happiness

Disowned by the God's above.

I kept edging towards the edge.

It's enough,

Please let this be enough.

At the end of breaking 

At the end of losing.

Nothing makes me happy, 

It feels like nothing ever could.

They told us to conquer our demons

But I never could,

I am not strong enough,

I never was. 

Weakness runs through me.

It's enough to numb any of my tenacity.

It's said Misery loves Company,

Yet I never do.

I crave the human touch,

I crave to be embraced,

I crave to be loved.

But all I do,

is build walls, run, and hide.

Isolate me in this miserable life. 

Why do I keep going?

Why do I bother?

For a better future?

When the present has left me stranded it's wake

When present isn't even mine to take.

Lost and found, my happiness is never found.

It's lost somewhere in this constant Misery.

I dance and dance,

I edge closer every second of this forever ticking clock.

My mind, it's not my ally.

It has long ago tried to make me go awry.

It twists everything, I see, feel, and think.

The nemesis I never saw, someone I can't defend against. 

Reaching hands turns to dust,

this is it, this is my resolution

I have given up on finding any solution.

What was it about love conquering all?

Yet it could not reach,

a blinded mind full of chemical polarity. 

I am not at fault,

Please believe me, I am not at fault.

I have fought hard and long.

But now I am tired.

Tired of going on and tired of losing on and on.

So this is it,

this is my last waltz,

I shall go down with my final song.

The edge comes closer,

my mind sings clearer.

It whispers the words for sleep and rest.

And I, I smile, with nothing to confess. 

In a moment of peace and bliss,

I take a bow to my audience,

watching the show I have put on.

Lovely are they and lovely they will continue to be,

without me.

This is it,

This is a final stance,

the epilogue of a beaten-down soul. 

So I take a step ahead, a smile on my face.

As I let go of and discontinue to live life in a constant race.

So I let go and finally dream,

Dream for something better, something bigger

Or if not then something quieter and soothing.

A place where I would finally be able to sleep,

My serenity.

So I take a stance, I take a stance.

For the first time, for own self.

I take a stance. 

I take a stance and leap.

I leap and then I fall, I fall and I fall. 

I finally fall to a finality.