Deja Vu

He sinned, I pay for his crimes,

He strangled me with his bare hands,

That was a long time ago, but it does feel like he still haunts me,

My father tends to creep into my life,

Like ominous shadows and twisting my bones.

It's been too long that I escaped his cage,

I found my freedom yet the part of me is always stuck back in his evil laugh,

I recall the beating, I can't see the scars,

I was afraid and alone, 

I dreamt of a happy life, but then there was a time I did not have any desires, 

I did what I could do to survive,

Tried many ways to find peace,

drugs to feel safe,

Pills to fall asleep,

I hated the existence,

I ran between the streets,

It wasn't enough,

I wanted to call it quits.

Then someone else walked like sunshine,

He was shiny and my eyes could not take such brightness,

I stayed away curled up to my blackness,

He knocked on the door,

I screamed to go away and find next door,

He prevailed, I opened up to feel deja vu like I am always feared.

Few years were nice, the rehab he enrolled me in did give me relief,

I was shaken up by kindness like it was rare,

Haven't felt like that for sure,

It was just too good to be true,

It was the middle of Deja Vu, 

I was a captive again, with someone else who wasn't afraid to damage me to the core,

My father was brutal but I ended with another devil,

He did not flinch when my blood fled in front of his sights,

He looked calm like there is lust in his eyes. 

I pleaded for the mercy of god,

I wished for my father to come back,

This was an unbearable nightmare,

Felt like my father was better,

This, "someone" did not feel any remorse,

shattered my spirit, caged me with stones,

It did feel like it was occurring all over again, 

Some call it Deja Vu,

I call it another beginning of my never-ending woes, 

He made me feel worthless,

Humiliated me in front of others,

I was his companion with a tattoo called slave,

I needed to escape, 

But there wasn't much courage left,

I have once lived this life,

My father made sure I remember that fact,

Maybe this would be the final one this time,

Maybe I would succumb to this crime.

Everything feels like it's been done before,

I have been on the edge like a hurricane on the shore,

There is darkness around me, there is lightning in the store,

There are hundreds of alibi for the person who is going to bury my soul.

I rerun my childhood and compare it to the current me,

It's like past and present are tangled within, 

I escaped the injury to find myself with many wounds,

I prayed for better days only to find a betrayal of many shades,

I sit here in the darkness counting the invisible stars,

I draw a picture of a happy place,

The ink in my hand stays for few days, and the pain doesn't seem to take a rest, 

Now I close my eyes,

Never hope for another life,

I am about to submit to fate,

my story will remain vague,

I am happy to accept my woes,

And this is the end of my Deja Vu