CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

I walk through halls where laughter echoes,
but every echo bends toward someone’s jealousy.
I try to smile, to joke, to breathe,
yet hands and eyes pull me in every direction.
They ask me to choose.
“Who do you like more?”
As if caring for one cancels the other,
as if my heart is a scoreboard
where points are given for loyalty.
I laugh with old friends,
the ones who knew me first,
but someone always steps in,
matches my every move,
calls my attention hers.
And I…
I am tired of balancing,
tired of pretending the world isn’t asking me to betray someone,
tired of hiding what I feel
so no one gets hurt.
One comes close,
and I cannot hate her for it—
she is sweet, fun, loyal in her own way.
Yet her closeness feels like a shadow over my safe space,
a shadow my oldest friends cannot stand.
One questions me,
One doubts me,
Another watches silently,
and I…
I answer what they want to hear
instead of the truth I carry quietly.
I write poems, I draw metaphors,
I fold my real feelings
into verses nobody fully understands.
Because truth, spoken,
is always misunderstood.
I don’t hate anyone,
yet I feel my patience thinning.
I don’t lie,
yet I speak half-truths
to keep the peace.
All I want is simple:
to sit with my friends,
laugh, joke, share secrets,
without someone counting my every second,
without someone feeling hurt,
without my heart being judged
every time I care for someone.
I am not cruel.
I am not unfair.
I am not to blame.
I am just… caught in the middle,
carrying too many hearts
and a single, quiet one of my own.

- Sakina Banu