Women's Day For Me

When Dharmamma first came along with her two little children carrying a tray of raw rice, betel leaves, areca-nut and a coconut, all she could communicate with me was ‘namasthe’ decorated with her hearty and genuine smile and folded hands. 9-year-old Ganesh and 7-year-old Vimala used to play with my son Varun. Varun told me that their father had asked Ganesh to work in a small eatery and begged me to speak to the father and admit the two of them to school. I had just quit my bank job. Varun suggested I could start teaching Ganesh and Vimala and that’s how Dharmamma entered my life and our family. They are Nepalese and Dharmamma could speak only Nepalese. 

I taught Ganesh and Vimala basic language and arithmetic and found they were quite sharp and thereafter spoke to their father, spoke to the AEO and got them admitted to 2nd grade in a private school. Just then my old maid Lakshmamma met a tragic end, ironically on 8th March. Her alcoholic paramour, trusting whom she had left her useless husband, who started living with his sister-in-law, was the cause of her death – was it suicide as he claimed or murder? God only knows, as he too committed suicide within a week! Dharmamma offered to help me with sweeping, mopping and washing. Since 2003, when Dharmamma and her family entered our lives, they have become a part of our family. I saw woman empowerment in action right from the egg stage to adult stage. She learnt to speak broken Hindi (due to which my already poor knowledge of Hindi got more contaminated). She was excited that her children went to school and maintained their uniforms very clean (in fact their unforms sparkled better than my son’s uniforms!) Then her third son Mahesh too was admitted to school by us.

I got Dharmamma to open a Bank account and started depositing her salary into it. Though she is totally illiterate, she is very smart and mentally maintained her account and financial dealings like small borrowings from us and others, expenditure accounts, etc. I introduced her to four of my neighbours, who too employed her. The salaries that they paid to her were very prudently spent by her – one salary for milk (till then, she could not afford to buy milk daily with her husband’s salary); one for emergency medical expenses, one for fruits, etc. Ganesh and Vimala finished 10th standard in first class. The third son Mahesh studied up to 11th standard. All this did not go smoothly, what with Mahesh falling sick with blood cancer at his 8th year, the problems that the alcoholic husband of Dharmamma was causing, the challenges posed by the step sons of Dharmamma, whom she had brought up with love, Dharmamma’s own deteriorating health, Mahesh dropping out of school and getting into vices and so much more. We, as a family stood as her main support, financially, psychologically, physically and mentally, for which she is very grateful till now. 

During these 20 years, our family too faced its own challenges, though we had many happy occasions too. Dharmamma became a part of our lives and all our friends and relatives consider her as a member of our family. She became my confidante, as I can share all my personal woes with her, just as I lend my shoulders to her. She helped me when I had to take care of my parents-in-law and my mother. She took even the mood swings and tantrums that all our family members, including me showed on her and counselled me when I was depressed. She understands all our family members and knows the ins and outs of our lifestyle and our house. Our house is very much hers and until March 2020, she lived with us, loved our pets, our plants, our friends and everything connected to us. All the shop-keepers around us identify her as a part of our family. I can never refer to her as a ‘maid’. Due to her deteriorating health, when the pandemic broke out, she went to live with her son and daughter-in-law, as she had to help them with child birth and care. She is just a few metres away from us and has introduced her own relative to work for us. 

Dharmamma has a very good sense of humour, practical outlook, duty conscience and honesty. I miss her a lot, though I talk to her regularly over phone and meet her once in a way. She too misses me and my cooking. I can never eat my breakfast without thinking of her for she always used to say, “I eat breakfast only in your house. You cook so well. Mahesh too loves your cooking.” It was so soothing to see her spic and span every morning, sweeping around my house and attending to other chores, as if it was her own house. In fact, she would sometimes chide me for carelessly messing up the kitchen shelves. Whenever we had to go out, we could very confidently leave all the responsibilities on her, including taking care of our pets, attending to visitors, attending to our landline phone calls, etc.

Women’s Day is in the offing. I celebrate every 8th March, as a day dedicated to late Lakshmamma and a day of gratitude to Dharmamma, Joga (my present maid) and all other women, who are making the lives of so many other women like me comfortable and easy.

Now the saree! All of us used to wonder how Dharmamma could drape a six-yard saree so well, as she is very thin and hardly has any flesh! Whichever saree we gave, she would somehow wear it in her style and also alter my blouses to suit her size (I am more than double her size)! A great designer indeed!