Unswiped

Dear Anu,

I hope you are fine. I’ve been thinking about how everything started, and I felt it was time to share what’s been in my heart.

The day I stumbled upon your profile, I had no idea what was in store for me. I remember thinking how unlikely it was that someone as beautiful as you would swipe right on me. I often feel like I'm not special or interesting enough to deserve someone like you. But here we are—matching on that platform and igniting a connection I never anticipated.

When we first met, I was a mess, feeling sick and low. Yet, there you were, coming to my hostel to check on me. I’ll never forget that moment when you insisted we go for chai. It was a strange but wonderful meeting, and your warmth made me feel cared for in a way I hadn’t experienced before. Honestly, I thought you might find me weird or boring, and I didn’t expect you’d want to see me again. But you did, and it meant the world to me.

You stayed by my side during one of my lowest points, both physically and mentally, and that’s something I’ll always cherish. Talking to you about my queerness was a first for me, and it felt liberating. For the first time in 23 years, I felt like I could truly be myself around someone. Your gaze, the way you looked at me as if I were precious, filled me with warmth and hope.

I’ll always treasure the moment you told me you liked me, and then when you said those three words, “I love you.” Hearing that from you was a beautiful revelation. It was the first time anyone had ever said it to me, and it filled my heart with a joy I didn't know I could feel. But with that joy came a fear I can’t shake off.

I want to have a relationship with you, Anu. I really do. But as things start to feel more real, I find myself scared. The thought of having to explain my feelings to my family is daunting. What if they don’t accept me? What if they force me to walk away from you after we’ve built something beautiful? The pain of losing you, after creating so many precious memories, is something I can’t bear to think about.

In my cowardice, I’ve pulled back. I know you deserve someone who is brave and confident, not someone who feels useless and boring. I’m so sorry for any hurt I’ve caused you. Please believe me when I say that I like you deeply—more than I’ve ever let on.

If I had just a bit more courage to fight for my true self, I would be honored to call you my girlfriend. You deserve someone who can fully embrace this relationship without fear. I hope you can understand my struggles, even if they seem silly or unfounded. 

Thank you for being you, for accepting me as I am, and for showing me what it means to love and be loved. You’ve changed my life in ways I can’t fully express.