Unforgiven

After a brief sleep in my bathtub where I immersed myself in hot water, I woke up to the sound of thunder. It was a lazy cozy Sunday evening and I wanted to sleep the entire day in my bathtub. I got up from my bathtub and saw wrinkles all over my body like a person who lived through a century. I then wrapped myself up in a bath towel. The cold winter took all the heat away from my body in minutes. As I was on my college semester vacation and I usually lie on bed and waste time the whole day. Well, that is what vacation is for. However, today I decided to spice things a bit. I wanted to stalk people on the internet. Now, don't judge me, I know all you of you readers stalk some person or other in your life such as your ex-girlfriends, your hot crush, that guy with dashing looks you don't know the name of, etc. I am no different. Since I have had a long history of girlfriend, I have a variety of women to stalk from.

I switched on my wi-fi as my data got over for the day and was browsing Facebook. Five minutes into browsing there was a power cut. My internet connectivity got cut and the whole room went dark except for the few streaks of light bouncing off the street. I lied down in my bed in dismay. Half an hour passed and there is no sign of electricity. I kept my eyes closed hoping to get some sleep. I could hear the noise from the street as the electrician came to look at the power cut. After some murmuring noises, they left stating that the generator had burst due to excess inflow of current and will fix it in the morning. I was in dismay. No electricity means no T.V, no Wi-fi, and no entertainment. I tried to get some sleep as that would kill time till tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, I could not get sleep. I rolled over the bed, switched sides and positions at least 20 times. After a few minutes, I got a message tone on my phone. I checked my phone and it was a WhatsApp TXT from unknown. I checked out the text and the sender's name in the true caller.

Hello Arjun

Sender: Bhoomika

I had no idea who was Bhoomika. Prank text perhaps? I thought to myself and I did not reply. After a few minutes, I again got a text from her.

B: How are you? I hope you are studying well for the exams despite your emotional setbacks yesterday.

I started to freak out at this point. Not only this person knows my name and number, but the stranger also knows about my recent breakup which no one else is aware of which happened the previous day.

A: Who is this?

B: I'm Bhoomika, I'm from your college. Civil department.

To describe my relationship with girls, I am not the flirt type but I do check out girls often. I would even go to another department building just to check them out. However, the name Bhoomika does not ring a bell. I thought she might be someone whom I have seen somewhere in college but do not know her name. Not knowing a girl's name is very rare for me. I always do everything in my power and even beyond to get a girl's name so that I can send her a friend request on Facebook. One time I even sneaked into the professor's office room, stole the attendance register to get a girl's name. I badly wanted to ask her to send a pic to see her face. However, I was not certain if I should ask her. I don't even know if it was a guy who was pranking me. If I ask for her picture and if she was really a girl then she would be offended and might tell other girls about it and that would demerit my name.

A: Hi Bhoomika, I have not heard from you. Which building is the civil department?

B: Civils is in the Jupiter building.

A: Ohh. Okay. I'm perplexed actually. I have not heard from you or seen you before in college.

B: Oh. So you know every other girl in college is it? Would you like me to take a pic and prove to you that I'm real?

Her text started to intimidate me. I did not want to ask her for pictures as she herself was ready to give it which proves that she is indeed a girl. I was more concerned about the information she has on my love life.

A: No please. I did not mean to offend you. Anyways nice to meet you

B: :)

A: Umm… How did you know about my love life Bhoomika?

B: I know everything Arjun. You are not the only one who stalks people by stealing the attendance register.

I started to shit my pants after reading the last message. She even knows that I sneak into the college office room. I decided to tread carefully with this girl

A: Have I seen you in college?

B: I don't think you have. But I have seen you.

A: Of course you did!

B: In case you are wondering how I look like….

I opened the message and found out a picture attached along I opened it and my heart started to beat faster as I took a closer look at her picture. She looked like a goddess. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks looked like a marshmallow, her smile made my heart beat intensify, her nose is small but cute, her dimples made me want to open and see her pic 100 times in a day. Overall, that picture made me change my phone's wallpaper. I was certain that I had not seen her in my department or anywhere in college because I knew if I saw her I would go and talk to her despite my shyness. I was taken aback for a few moments after seeing her picture and texted her back after I regained my composure.

A: Okay. Got it.

I tried really hard not to compliment her as I thought it might freak her out.

B: Aren't you going to tell how I look?

After reading her text I started to sweat. I was not sure how to compliment. The poet inside me sprang and took over my fingers.

A: You look like a thousand suns merged together to shine upon on my life. If you were born during the world war days the war would end within seconds as your smile is enough to finish everything.

The poet inside me went crazy when I forced myself to hit send so that the rainfall of cheesy messages would end. I was not sure how she would react to it.

B: Awwwwww Arjun that was so sweet of you. Nobody has ever described me in that way. So kind you are!

Phew...So far so good I thought to myself.

A: Anytime :)

B: Can't wait to meet you in person tomorrow. Goodnight :)

A: :) Goodnight Bhoomika!

The next day in college I was searching for the beautiful face I rejoiced the previous day. I do not have a photographic memory but that face, IL never forgets. After a few minutes of searching, I found her. She was standing near the balcony, all dressed up in her one-piece shoulder-less red dress with dangling earrings, a small stud nose ring, high heels, and a ponytail to showcase her bonny hair. She seemed to be dressed up for a special occasion. As soon as she saw me she waved and gave a smile which was brighter than the sun. She leaned in for a hug as she came close. I reciprocated the hug but pressed her hips lightly on excitement.

B: Hey Arjun!

A: Hey. You look fantabulous.

B: I should be! It's my birthday today!

A: Oh wow Happy Birthday!

This time I leaned in for a hug and tried hard not to catch her hips. I instead smelled her hair and I think she must have noticed as she was the first to break the hug. Before it gets any awkward I had to address it to stop her from thinking I'm a creep.

A: Your hair smells amazing!

B: Thanks Arjun! You know what? I am going to distribute these sweets to the professors do you want to come along?

I was overwhelmed and immediately said yes. I spent the entire day with her and loved it. It was different for me as the first time I am with a girl without making a sexual move on her. The more I knew about her the more I liked her. We finished our day by having drinks at the pub. Time went so fast when I was with her. We started to dance after drinking heavily. We danced at the corner of the room to avoid any distractions. We did a very slow and sloppy form of salsa. At one point our face was very close to each other and I leaned in for a kiss. She stood still for some time and reciprocated after a few seconds. I made love to her neck, ears, and her shoulder bone. She became out of control and pulled me into the washroom. Within seconds she quickly undressed me, lowered her dress and revealed her bra. I ignored her body and continued to kiss with my hands firmly gripped on her hips. She slowly redirected my hands from her hips to the part she really wanted my hands on. I totally lost control after she started to kneel. I pulled her up after 10 minutes of heaven, lifted her dress and showed her my side of heaven. We came out of the washroom tired, sweaty, lifeless and happy.

Bhoomika and I had developed a very special bond after that night. We became very close, extremely close to what I intended to be. She started to be nosy in almost all of my activities and became extremely possessive about other girls talking to me. One day she saw one of a text I sent to a girl for which she became furious and started a huge fight with me. The text for her was flirting although I was just being a gentleman to one of my friends. The fight escalated to another stage when she started to check all of my message which I did not like.

B: You know you are not talking to me these days.

A: Yeah, I know!

B: How can you ignore me Arjun?

A: I did not ignore you. I need some space. I honestly can't deal with your possessiveness.

B: But doesn't possessiveness comes out of love?

A: Bhoomi I believe we both agreed that we will not push further what we have until we both are ready. So don't bring love into it.

B: If it did not love then why did you take away my virginity the other day at the bar?

A: Bhoomi doesn't mix this with that. That day both of us wanted it and we did it. We needed that pleasure and we were comfortable doing it. That was all. Nothing more, nothing less.

B: SEENZONE

We did not speak much after that incident other than the occasional bumps on the college corridor or rallies, symposiums, etc. First-year passed by and within that period I became close with other girls which made her more annoying. She literally threatened the girl in all ways possible, took a picture of the girl while threatening her and I would receive the pic along with this text.

Would you flirt with her now? Look at her face! She probably won't even come to class tomorrow. She will run away from you if you approach her.

Things went out of hand when she slapped a girl whom I was talking to over the corridor. I got angry and kicked her to the ground which happened right in front of our head of the department and both of us received a suspension. Even during the suspension period, she used to nag me by calling and texting every single day! I could not withstand her anymore and sent this text to her.

A: Bhoomika I can't do this anymore. As each and every day passes by I hate you more and more. You cannot be nosing around each and everything I do. You are not my girlfriend to be possessive. And if you have any idea that I will fall in love with you or I might accept you in the future then forget about it. I hate you. Get out of my life. Fuck off!

B: SEENZONE

I have never heard from her since then. Looking back at my message three years later, I think I was harsh on her. I was placed at a decent job from campus and one day I decided to return to college to check her whereabouts. She changed her number and address after my message and I had to talk to a few college professors to get it. They would not give it readily hence I had to use my friend's contacts to get it. I took some tablets before I left for college as my head started to ache badly.

Professor: So, Arjun whose details are you looking for?

A: Bhoomika, Sir. I think you would remember her. You took her class for the final semester.

Professor: Really? Bhoomika is a unique name. But son, I don't remember having a student in that name.

Woah! Someone has low memory I thought to myself with a low chuckle. He handed me over a document after reviewing it himself.

Professor: Arjun you really do have a sick sense of humor to make fun of my age.

A: Why sir? What happened?

My professor kept quiet. I checked her file and noted her number and address and returned the file.

A: Thank you so much, sir.

Professor: Arjun, how do you know this woman?

A: We studied together sir although mine was Mechanical and hers was Civil Engineering. Like I said she took one of your classes as well- Fluid mechanics. We even took the same project together in the first year.

Professor: Arjun what are you saying? It is true, yes; she was in the Civil department and took the class fluid mechanics, but it was not from me. It is true that you two did the same project, but not together.

A: I don't understand the professor.

Professor: Check her date of birth.

I was flummoxed when I saw her DOB. I was born in 1993 and her birth year was 1956. 37 years difference? There is no way. She studied with me, we became friends, we had a great time together and then we split up. I thought to myself. My headache started to intensify at the moment. My memories of her started to hurt me. Slowly I realized that I was not inside a college. I was inside what seems to be a hospital, a mental asylum to be exact. I started to remember about Bhoomika and felt deja-vu. I remember having more than one memory of her. I started to get up from my recliner as my Doctor told me to relax. I forced myself and tried to get up and fell to the ground immediately. He put me in the recliner again.

A: What is happening to me, Doctor? Who is Bhoomika? Why do I feel like I have relived her memory again and again? Please explain things to me. My head is paining. I need to know the answers.

Doctor: Arjun, you have been admitted to this hospital for a type of delusional disorder known as Schizophrenia. Your mind is not able to distinguish real events with a fake one and is tormented by the various hallucinations it creates. Normally this is created by one's mind as a defense mechanism to keep you from turning insane, however, it has the opposite result. You were admitted three years ago before your college placements. Your mind has been playing almost the same scenario for nine times now. Each and every time you come to me and ask something in regards to Bhoomika related to the story you created in your mind. You have to let go of your past. Unless you let your past I will not be able to help you. In your case, your mind is the cause and the cure.

As soon as the doctor hit me with the truth it felt like someone was banging my head with a hammer. All the memories from my worst moments of my life started to resurface. I started to remember about Bhoomika. The last story which played in my mind was partially true. She was indeed my college sweetheart. Unlike the story, she was a kind-hearted girl who never irritated me and her character was made of pure gold. I proposed her in the first year of college and she accepted my love. However, around the third year of my college, my love for her was lost. I did not know how to approach her regarding this. I was not sure if the love was lost because there was no sexual spark anymore or it was lost simply because I do not love her anymore as I used to. We used to be sexually active almost every day even the whole day during weekends. I could not break up with her as I did not know how she would react. I knew it would not be a mutual breakup as she will try hard for the relationship and won't leave me alone. Hence, I kept a low-key on the relationship while dating other girls and having a sexual affair with them. I went from one girl to another within months. The new relationship concept excited me and I continued the same for a year. By the end of the final year in college, she found out that I was cheating her. She could not tolerate the pain and committed suicide. I killed a girl who loved me truly. I was not able to digest her death as I realized late that my love was never lost. My love was just inactive because we did not have time to be with each other because of the upcoming projects. After her death, my life was pointless to me. I was like a soul trapped in a vessel regretting every single decision I made in my life. I would cry all day locked in my room until my tear ducts dry out. I lost my appetite for food and my normal worldly pleasure did not seem like a pleasure anymore. I dropped 10kgs and looked like a malnutrition kid who was living on the streets. This mental pain would go on for months until one day I fainted suddenly thus allowing my mind to create a solution by hallucinating everything I saw. The worst part about all this was not even one girl whom I dated during the entire college span texted or came for a visit.

It's been eleven years since she died and today is her death anniversary. I was discharged from the mental hospital an hour back. After I reached home I realized that I had no job, no career, no money, no friends, no love, no life. I was sitting on my terrace near to the water tank smoking packet after packet as I enjoyed the orange sky, the last reminiscence of the sun. I looked onto the busy road down and thought to myself.

I deeply regret the decisions I took in my life and I sincerely hope that I am the last person in this world to cheat in a relationship.

THUD!

The orange sky was replaced with dark night shortly as red and blue lights filled the streets.