Unfathomable Mind

I was standing casually near a window in our living room one afternoon, engaged in a light chat with my mother, sister, and my aunt, who was accompanied by her seven- or eight-year-old son, a pampered brat. Suddenly, to our shock, the boy who was playing until then, like a charged bull, started running toward me with his head aiming at my heavy belly. Luckily, my aunt had the presence of mind to physically stop the boy and thus averted a big disaster.

I was in the seventh month of my pregnancy. I was carrying my first child, and since the pregnancy was advancing, the abdomen was very prominent. This was the first grandchild of my parents and a child to be arriving after many years. I was pampered by all—my three sisters, brother, and, above all, my parents. Everyone was eagerly waiting for the arrival of the baby and associated joys after a long time.

My aunt and uncle, who lived a few houses away from our house, were childless for many years and finally adopted this boy, who was named Krishna. It was natural that he was pampered to no end by them as well as my family, since all of us were grown up and who does not like a child! Particularly, my mother had a great role in bringing up the boy who was brought home as a day's baby. My aunt had no experience and depended on my mother, who brought up four of us and was well experienced in handling the small baby.

The incident that day was an eye-opener for us. Krishna seemed to be jealous of me and my unborn child. All the attention showered on him thus far was being diverted and shared by us. He could have had a mix of negative feelings like jealousy, insecurity, and attention deprivation, which led to his dangerous behavior. Was it true? Was Krishna's behavior an expression of such complicated strong emotions? Or are we imagining things?

Whatever it may be, this was totally unexpected and of great concern. Even if Krishna was going through such complicated emotions, it was legitimate and understandable. From then on, everyone was always alert when Krishna was around. He was also explained in a way that a child can grasp, that he is going to get a small sibling who can be a companion and would play with him.

Even after I delivered a daughter and came home, we had to be careful lest Krishna would hurt the child unintentionally or out of ignorance. Slowly we saw a bond develop between Krishna and my daughter. He was convinced that the child was no competition for him or a threat to the attention that was due to him.

The human mind is complex and unfathomable. This was a rare incident that made me sit up and understand the functioning of another (child’s) mind while dealing with my own feelings (threat perception). As a layperson, it was an opportunity to understand the functioning of the mind, albeit at a superficial level. Though the phase of insecurity and jealousy in the mind of little Krishna was transient, lasting for about a year, it was understandable and manageable by us. It was lucky that we could deal with the problem, and everything ended well. Though this happened 40 years ago, whenever I think about it, my heartbeat raises. The learning from this experience will always be alive, buried in the deep layers of my mind and can be retrieved anytime.