Undying Love

Dog-tired, these days I was beginning to understand the term more and more. But it would get better, I was sure. I was confident that I would get the new job. But, I still hadn't completed my application letter. I just needed to finish that last question, 'What do you want the most in this world', but it was easy because I knew the answer. My answer was waiting up the stairs. My answer was the reason I was hurrying up the stairs even though my office bag and the two shopping bags in my hands were heavy and I was ready to fall down from exhaustion.

      Just as I finished climbing the stairs and turned to my apartment a small figure rushed forward and hugged my legs, shouting"Mommy, home!!".

    My entire day became brighter with those two words. Being a single mom was hard, but it was more than worth it. " Have you been a good kid? Did you trouble Aunt Carol too much? " I asked her.

   " She was an angel", Aunt Carol replied from the doorway. I gave the gentle, plump, little woman my biggest smile. She took care of my angel all day long and did not accept even a penny from me, I owed this woman.

    " Mommy, choco- choco".Apparently someone needed more attention

     "Yes, mommy bought some chocolate but you'll have to wait till after dinner. Okay??." She nodded her head and her curls bobbed around her sweet little face. I faced Aunt Carol, " Do you want to come for dinner tonight? I am sure me and Krystal would love that a lot."

    For the first time I saw Aunt Carol's face show worry. " No dear, perhaps another time, " she forced a smile.

    I didn't press her. " Very well Aunt Carol, But if you need anything I'm across the hall. " She gave me a hug and said, " thank you, my dear". Then giving her another smile, me and my daughter went into our apartment.

     Our apartment was not large but it was enough for now. I gave Krystal a snack and let her play with her toys till I was finished with dinner and ready to give her a bath. I put away the grocery that I bought and started on dinner.

      As soon as I finished dinner I went near my daughter and said, " young lady, its now time for your bath. " She gave me one of her cute giggles. She always did when I called her ' young lady', then she decided she was not going to take a bath today and started to run around the apartment. I played with her for a while and then caught her and took her to the bathroom.

       When I had finished dressing her, I heard a scream. It was Aunt Carol. I told Krystal to stay in the apartment and ran to the opposite one. There were shouts and the door was unlocked. So I went in closing the door behind me. In the kitchen I saw a young man shouting at Aunt Carol. I quickly went to the old lady's side.

     " What's wrong Aunt?, " I asked. "Its none of your business what happens between my mom and me", the young man roared. His bloodshot eyes and behavior made me doubt if he was a drug addict. When he turned to the door, probably to see if I was alone, I quietly grabbed a knife lying on the kitchen counter.

      Then suddenly I heard sirens. "You called the police on me, mom. I just wanted you to give me some money. Why did you have to call the police?" He shouted and brought out a gun.

      My heart skipped a beat. There was no way I could beat a gun with a knife. The young man became more and more agitated. He went to the front room and we stayed in the kitchen. Then I heard the door opening and then a gunshot.

      Aunt Carol and I looked at each other and rushed to the front. The young man had a shocked appearance on his face. I looked down and saw my little angel. "Noooo!!", I screamed. My Krysral had disobeyed me for the first and last time and now she was gone. I lunged towards the man with my knife

       I opened my eyes, the bars of my cell stared back at me. Five years were not enough for that memory to fade, for the pain to go away. I don't remember what happened next. The arrest, court proceedings and all my later memories were a blur. Nothing was now important.The lawyer had told the court I had stabbed the man eighteen times before the police pulled me away, I regretted that it wasn't more.The court and doctors had come to the conclusion that I was now mentally unstable. Maybe I was, it didn't matter anymore.Living among dozens of inhabitants of the mental asylum I remembered that question in my job application letter again, 'what do you want the most in this world?' I still had the answer, what I wanted the most in my life now was 'death'.