Trauma

This is the day when everything goes wrong. 

I know how this ends; I’ve seen it happen a thousand times, but I can’t do anything. I’m weak. Helpless. I can’t save my own soldiers, forget about my country. I know this well. I know I am not even fit to be a captain if I can’t save my own people from dying. My head hurts. I ignore it. There’s no time for fussing about such trivial matters. If I don’t pull myself together, we’ll lose. Again. 

Hello, ma’am? I’ve heard a lot about you! You’re the famed Royal Supreme Commander Elma! If I could just ask you about the war-

The war is happening right now. The Nadia knights are closing in on us from all sides and if we don’t do anything right now, we will be on the verge of defeat.‘Think,’ I tell myself while twisting and slashing through glaring green uniforms. ‘Think!’ Alexandria is busy on the left. She’s strong, but thirteen against one is a bit too much. Even for a skilled soldier like her. Meanwhile on my right is Eliott. He’s also one of our most skilled soldiers. Unfortunately, he is currently battling ‘The Chromacer’, Nadia’s strongest swordsman, and clearly losing. Even while being on full defense. I try not to panic. I won’t be able to do anything if I’m not calm. Besides, I know that while Jacob and Clara are behind me, there is still hope for this country. There is still light for our people. 

General Jacob and General Clara? What are you talking about? They’re dead.

What? I turn back just in time to see two headless bodies thump into the dirt. It’s a mistake. One should never ever leave their back open during battle. No matter what the circumstances. It was one of the first things that were taught to us back in the army. I sensed a sword aiming for my throat and I throw myself forward to avoid it. Like I always do. And then I realize that my legs are in the path of the sword instead, so I try to pull them back instead of blocking the attack, like an amateur fool. And then I pay for the price of my foolishness. I don’t have to look at my legs to know that one of them is missing. I definitely don’t have to be told that I was a second too late to pull my other leg away. So I clash my sword against my attacker’s, the one hand on the ground supporting my upper body. I push hard enough for my opponent to stumble back and fall.

Get up!

 I look around quickly to find a spear lying abandoned there within my reach. “And you think you can beat me while leaning on a spear?”My opponent is Chromacer (does this mean Eliott is- ?) and my sword is in my left hand. My right hand has the spear that is helping me stand up, and The Chromacer is already on his feet. This means that I’m at a clear disadvantage. This can’t be happening. Not again. I can’t let this happen.

Stop! Hey, ma’am! Someone stop her, she’s at it again!

All I need is a moment to exchange my weapons with each other. 

Stop, you’ve lost!

The Chromacer swings his blade and blood sprays onto my clothes. I stop short in horror. My heart hurts.‘Now,’ mouths Alexandria as crimson blossoms around the blade in her stomach. I don’t bother shifting my sword to my dominant hand. Instead, I strike and watch with morbid fascination as The Chromacer gurgles and chokes in his own pool of blood.“Hey,” I tell Alexandria. “Wake up. Look, I’ve killed him for you.”Alexi wake up, come on now. This isn’t the time to fool around. There is a war to be won.”If you don’t get up right now, I’ll tell Eliott that-” Oh. I slightly slip on the ground as I crouch down beside him. He looks like he has a few broken ribs and a fractured leg. I try to overlook the gaping hole in his lower thigh. It looks like The Chromacer had stabbed him there and twisted his sword to make the hole. Then he left him here to bleed to death. He’s still alive. We have hope.“W-e lost ri- right?”He’s speaking. He shouldn’t. He’s barely breathing. I need to get a healer here. I look around for a healer but I see glaring green uniforms overpowering blue instead.“Don’t-” Eliott violently coughs into his hand, and when he pulls it away, it’s stained red. He doesn’t have much time, I need to “Don’t f- forget us Royal Su- Supreme Commander... we- we did well didn’t we?”I can’t bear to look at his eyes. They are the eyes of a fallen soldier. They are the eyes of someone who has given it their all and doesn’t have anything else to sacrifice. He’s just a young boy, why-The ground is slick with blood and dirt. I can’t look at it. I can’t look past the sullied blue uniforms of my comrades. Everything is going to be alright. I won’t ever give up. I’ll keep fighting for my country. I’ll make everything alright, okay? So- Jacob, Eliott, Clara, and Alexandria, please don’t- please don’t leave me. Don’t go. Please. 

I’ll be all alone.

I’m right here.

So please. Please! 

I could have saved them. If I had been faster. If I had killed The Chromacer before he even reached near Eliott. If I had been stronger. If I hadn’t carelessly lost my leg. If I had been smarter. If I had just kept them beside me instead of behind me, I could’ve saved Jacob and Clara. It's my fault. It's all my fault. You did well. 

“You did well,” I choke out.

I’ll fight for you, so get up. Don’t leave me. We haven’t won yet. Get up, the enemy is still out there. Fulfill your duties. You can’t leave me like this. Don’t go. I won’t give up. 

(She’s here! The Royal Supreme Commander, take her away!)

So don’t give up on me.

(She’s lost her leg and is bleeding profusely. She might faint from blood loss anytime now; I can’t believe she killed The Chromacer in this state. She truly is worthy of her title!)

I’m sorry I failed you. I could’ve done so much better. I am unworthy of my position. I’ll give it all up, so please forgive me! Please come back!

(She’s running away! Get her! We must have at least one prisoner of war.)

What is she doing?! How is she so fast?! Don’t let her escape, she’s crazy!

Have mercy on me, please! I’ll save you all. Don’t go, I’ll be back-My heart feels heavy. My leg feels painful. There’s a sharp pain on the side of my head.

(I think I hit her too hard... She might have brain dama-)

And I fall. With me falls my country. I can’t believe I can still call myself a soldier. I deserve to be like this. I’ll accept the punishment. I’m sorry for running away.

She just dropped to the ground in the middle of the hallway and-!Did the poisoner tell you anything else? No… she said the same things that you warned she’d say. But what… what happened? She has brain damage and trauma. She keeps hallucinating about what we assume is the day of the war. She keeps talking about the same thing. It’s like she’s reading off a script.…you mean the Third Nadanian War? But wasn’t that over eight years ago? Why hasn’t she been cured yet? Do you think we haven’t tried? She’s so skillful that she keeps evading our attempts to treat her. Then why didn’t she escape from here? I have not the slightest clue. Every time after one of her episodes, she slumps to the ground as she did right now, and locks herself into her cell.….that’s terrible. We can’t do anything about it.

My sword… I need my sword.

I need to be prepared.

I think it’s going to start again. Let me escort you back Journalist Amanda.

Because-

Oh alright. Thank you...

This is the day everything goes wrong.