Transitioning from light to LIGHT

I have nothing to do. Literally. It's been some time I have been following the eat, sleep, repeat routine to the T. But then, when I think about it, I have so much to do. So much to say. Make each day count. 

The world is reeling under this deadly pandemic and it irks me that just like last year when all this had started we are all yet again confined to the four walls. Last year it was all new, this year it's a repetition of sorts... and it is really annoying. 

It's weird how the human brain responds to adversities and how those responses change over time... 

Last year when I would see the news flash, the dead around the world, the governments all over struggling to handle each roadblock as it came forth, I had sought to keep myself positive by telling myself that I at least have a decent house to live in, food to eat, and people in the house with whom to share my feelings. Not that it helped. It never helps, because that way I feel I am stooping too low to compare my agony to someone else worse than me and feel better about it... Anyways...This year I can't get myself to do that again at all... I mean it's just too much...

Just when the lockdown was announced in Maharashtra, my mother started stockpiling things in the house with the help of my sister. It was mostly online this time given the severity of the double mutant that we are encountering. My father makes it a point to get the other essentials which cannot be ordered online as and when required, only that the frequency of going out is really less than last year. I, on the other hand, am feeling an insurmountable sense of eerie hopelessness in this fight for survival. Something in me just wants to give up, but, there is something that does not let me. Not yet.

My sister often mocks me saying that you are a living example of Maslow's hierarchy principle operating reversibly and I cannot agree any lesser. I am wired that way and am proud to be. Have never been able to appreciate the basic necessities. It wasn't that I had it all on my platter. In fact, it's been the opposite. I have always had to work my way hard through most things in life. But if I had to approach all of this on a more philosophical level, so to say, I find it hard to take pleasure in the day-to-day things that go around. Always have... It's as if there is something more than my soul yearns for. And it can be something as small as making a child smile...or see a flower bloom... I mean... there's no formula to happiness... to contentment... It is something really intangible I feel...Yeah... That's how I'd put it. 

So, this year as the whole second wave drama is unfolding, I find it extremely unnerving to be considered blessed although I wholly appreciate that I am. 

I just want to forget all that we did as a family last year in the first wave and live this time as if it were new but I can't. Simply because the problem is still the same and unfortunately we are not the ones who have created it. Not to blame those who have, but when you are aware that you are the source of a problem, at least the conscientious ones make an effort to solve it, let alone mock at it. But I guess, that is not what we can expect from China. I hope you know what I am referring to here... I mean the whole display of apathy on social media comparing a pile of burning dead bodies in India to their own rocket launch... What was that really all about? Are we still dealing with humans here...

That brings me to another important question. What does it really mean to be a humanitarian? Well, I think even a regular 9 to 5 clerk who fights hard to feed his family with his hard-earned money is a humanitarian provided he isn't harming or hurting anyone. So, why is it that only a few of us can really wake up to this 'humanity consciousness' while others are dead asleep? 

I think if we all were to take accountability for our actions there would be no need for differential educational principles such as Humanities and Science and Law and Intellectual Property and Geriatric medicine. I mean first, we create the problem, and then, we create resources to solve them.... and then, we praise ourselves for our ability to so! Why not nip the problem in the bud? 

Wait... How will the business transactions bloom? How will people prove that they are important? Isn't that why the problems are kept unaddressed. Because somewhere or the other we are feeding the bruised egos of a handful of authoritarians and a few other idiotic middlemen and the so-called 'influential' youngsters who think too ahead of themselves and misuse their power. Who thinks they have it all... and maybe they do. But only time can prove...

I see so many old people suffering because their children don't want to take care of them. Not to curse the children alone... I have seen equally difficult parents. The problem lies in the lack of cohesiveness and the need for developing it. Being from the scientific field I totally respect the importance one should be attributed to patents. But currently, India is suffering because the US does not want to waive the patent over its vaccine and make it accessible to the world. So, is patenting good or bad? Things are under negotiation and I am hoping something better comes out of it. 

What is important to realize is that there is not one straight solution to anything that we are facing today. And, if there has to be, it needs to stem from the feeling that we are a part of a collective consciousness...

That while the giant governments are at times failing today in their efforts to make those oxygen cylinders available to those in anticipation of them, there are mediocre people who have sold their SUVs to get things going... 

That while there are some crematoriums making a guzzling business out of burning the dead, there are people who have converted their four-wheelers into oxygen-carrying ambulances... 

That while so many government and private helplines are not answered due to patient overload, there are people helping complete strangers through WhatsApp groups by making hospital ICU/ Ventilator beds available through unknown contacts...

That maybe we are in the midst of an upheaval of sorts...

That it is definitely not a happy place to be...

That may be it's really uncomfortable... and the road ahead may be steeper than we thought...

That may be we need to be patient and kind to ourselves and to those around us even if we may not be related...

That maybe we need to stop judging the journeys of other people and start living it with them...

That... in difficult times... we need to hold the other person just as we would hold ourselves and promise ourselves that we would never do anything that we would not like to be done to us...

That all this is a part of our learning to become better humans, our chance to change from being 'light' (hearted) to being the LIGHT (in the world), and that too, a valuable one!