The Second Chance - Part III

--- continued from the last two weeks.

 

Jess had told Liam that she needed space. She wasn’t really interested in a relationship after her heartbreak. Her career was important and unless she focused on it, there was no means of getting over the pain of her heartbreak. A heartbreak which she had never accepted, she never wanted to... 

No matter how much Jess understood Liam’s feelings and gestures, she could not get herself to love him the way he wanted, and, that made her seem dead to him. But she wasn’t. She just had already gone through a lot in life and the intense feelings of despair that Liam was now facing were a known territory to her. Jess knew how to deal with it without getting trapped in the craziness of it all. Unfortunately, Jess could not open herself to what Liam had to give her. She knew it wasn’t meant to be and there was no place for any more pain in her life. 

Jess had come to believe this since the time Liam had entered her life. Everything had gone topsy turvy and her life had screwed up as she remembered... She felt that there was something inexplicably evil about Liam and the only feeling that she had about him was that of immense trauma and fear. He had caused enough trouble in her life and by all means, she always wanted to be away from him.

 

Jess was disgusted because while she was trying to maintain decorum by keeping her distance from Liam, giving him time to deal with himself, he had ruined even the bond of a friendly acquaintance that they had. A week after she had started keeping herself away, he had humiliated her with the help of his friends. But in reality, she was staying away from him because she had had a vision one day when she saw Liam near their office while taking a cab that, if they were to be together, either he was to die or she would succumb to death. She could not make any sense out of it and was completely frazzled. Jess considered it a bad omen and while she was only dealing with what she had experienced, he and his friends made her life hell.

Eventually, even after leaving her study premises where there was a possibility of encountering Liam and his filthy friends, Jess had to put in lots of effort to stay social. Thanks to Liam, every place that she went, his lies used to reach first which made it very difficult for others to see her who she really was. Every social gathering, book club, new friends that she made were primed by him and it frustrated her to the core. After a certain point, she got fed up with his manic behavior which could well qualify as psychotic. He was behaving like a complete jerk, stalking her through her new and old friends, everywhere that she went, even when she changed her state of residence.

 

One day before she had left the state, a few months of having the vision, when Jess was returning from a social circle that she was a part of, she met a group of people from the meet with whom she happened to share a cab. Somehow, they started hinting to her that exorcism was a possible solution to unexplained distress. Jess got confused, but she felt a hunch as if they were telling her that she needed it. Jess got very sacred and felt that probably Liam had gotten really vengeful after the rejection and he had done some voodoo shit on her. What else could explain her frazzled behavior? 

She later recollected that around that time, a lot of old-time friends and acquaintances that met Jess told her she was behaving weird, unusual as if it wasn’t she was doing the things that she was doing. Most of them were shocked at her quitting her education. They knew she was a very strong person, a real competitor. But only Jess knew the darkness and the hell that she was going through. There was something unexplainable stopping her from going back to any place that had the slightest possibility of Liam being around. 

Jess was shocked at the fact that Liam had managed to influence his mentor, who, no matter what wasn’t ready to trust Jess after he had character abused her. She felt if such a long association was throttled by Liam, there was no reason to expect anything from the strangers that she would meet after all this had happened. In a very brusque manner, Liam had influenced most of her long-standing friends, acquaintances, and cousins and convinced them that no matter what, he loved her and that he wanted to be with her. As a result of this shit, even her family was wanting that she should go back to him. But she did not want to be with him.

 

After a certain point, she stopped talking to every single person who would bring him up in the conversation because she knew what was good for her. Also, she felt worried that if a control freak person like Liam could do not deal with failure and does horrible things like voodoo just to gain an upper edge in life then she was associated with her family, or friends, or colleagues, it was dangerous to them as well. Jess was very protective of her friends and fellas and could go to any extent to protect them. So, she isolated herself from everyone. 

In a way, Jess’s vision had come true and she walked away from Liam and everything associated with him. Jess even gave up pursuing her most precious architectural degree because that would mean she would have to be around him, as the classes were conducted in the same building where Liam would go for his engineering tuitions. Boyyy… she was disgusted with him.

Somewhere...she used to feel Liam’s friendship was her strength. But now, she had to part with it to release herself from the unwarranted pain. 

 

Jess had once said to Liam, “How can you be so insensitive? You don’t care about anything more than winning” But after that day she never said anything to him. She was utterly disappointed in his hastiness to act without thinking about what she was going through in her life. He did not even consider that not once in the years that they had spent together, had she been unkind or nasty or mean with anybody. There was no reason for him to doubt her, but, he did. Without thinking what would be the consequences of his actions on her life. 

Jess had realized Liam had done all the bad things to her when she was to be at the peak of her career. After she got upset with him, he had said to his friends unaware that Jess was around, “It was bad timing.” Jess realized he had been contemplating doing all that he had done for long. 

Jess felt the chase, making her feel important, taking pictures of her, giving her undue attention, and luring her into believing that he was into her was his attempt to prevent her from going ahead in her career. It was all done so that she could stop being a competition to him and so that he could feel secure within himself. She felt everything, all his actions from the time they had met till the time they fell apart were all well thought. There was nothing natural, no true feelings even... How else could she explain him saying to her one day, “I’ll make you cry.”

 

Liam had really acted selfish and curt. But what really put her off was the terribly narrow emotional range that had led him to believe that everyone around him is as horrid and mean and ugly as he himself. It’s true, people seek in the world what they themselves are... Liam himself was deceitful and so he could not trust Jess and believed the premonitions by his so-called friends which fueled their fight and ended up screwing up her life. Jess really hated him for that and everything that he was.

Even after Jess had left Liam and her educational premises, Liam would arrange for sending emails from her previous course acquaintances, constantly reminding her that she should be coming back to him or probably to gaslight her, harass her. On certain occasions, he would also arrange to send for unwarranted emails that would target her religious beliefs because while she was a Jew, he was a catholic. Jess couldn’t understand why Liam was having issues to understand despite Jess having told him clearly once when he was agitated that, “I don’t have a problem with your religion. It is who you are as a person that irks me.” 

Worse was when she would receive WhatsApp forwards from people, she did not even know had her number. Those were the sickest messages as they indicated how a female should use her sexuality to have a good love life, how she should get in touch with her feminine side. It really ridiculed her and she would instantly block the senders. She would also receive messages from her friends and emails that gave stupid relationship advice and promotional offers for workshops that would help her live life fully, happily. 

Jess was happy with her life; she didn’t need someone else to tell her what to make of it. She was really sick and tired of Liam’s manipulative ways that were constantly targeting everything that she was. If he wanted a sex toy, that could be a slave to his whimsical, controlling, and paranoid behavior, then there was enough market outside, why bother her?

 

Jess had tolerated enough, but she had already understood that not everyone deserves her niceness, her kindness and, Liam and his friends were no exceptions if they had crossed the line. But that didn’t mean they were enemies either. She just didn’t want him. That was all.

After all of this Jess hoped that someday Liam would understand that there was love in their friendship and that was enough for her... And if there ever was a possibility of something else, it was completely ruined after all that he had done. Jess wished that he would forgive her for not being able to reciprocate his love. And, she knew that although she would try to forgive him, she would never be able to forget all that he had done making it impossible for her to have him back in her life..., even as a friend. 

 

Jess knew that in all likelihood they could never be what he wanted it to be. Just as she had said.

 

In the hope that Liam would someday comprehend this, Jess broke all contact with him and moved to Australia with new hope, of, a new life. Because she knew that even if she didn’t find love, the memories of her unrequited love were enough... they were more than enough... 

Jess never needed or wanted Liam... His presence only confused her and troubled her. Gone were the days where they all used to have fun together as a group, and, she did not know what she could do about it... Most importantly, she did not want anyone else to explain or convince her anything, neither Liam nor all her friends and common acquaintances whom he was approaching to get in touch with her because she hated all that he was doing. It was just ugly, and cheap, and... sick.

 

Jess then parted ways with Liam for good and started living her life with the memories of her long-lost love!

 

She felt ... maybe that would help her with a second chance at love...

Her unrequited love...

 

The love that she had waited for 18 years of her life...

The love that she could die for.

The love that made her who she was.

The love that had always been her only love, and would always be!