Too Late To Regret

One Facebook message...

The day was as usual as any other day and for the last few months, I was the same frustrated person whose life was messed up because of her disaster relationship. Hardly I talk to people nowadays & the only thing I do in my free time was scrolling Facebook. Today also I was scrolling Facebook feed and suddenly a messenger chat popped up on my mobile. I was really surprised by the person on the other side of the chat. " Is this Manav Mishra, the topper of senior secondary high school, Meerut ?" I questioned myself.

I went to flashbacks to recollect my memories of school days. Class 9th Manav Mishra, the performer & intelligent student of our class and was a crush of Many girls and I was one of them. Though I was one of the top students still I had that hesitation of starting a conversation with someone. But my few girlfriends knew about my crush and they used to tease me and also they wanted me to speak to him at least once. After all, we are a 90’s kid and we were not so advanced to approach someone directly or through any social media App. We used to look for the opportunity to have a normal conversation.

A few days later, I joined a coaching class ( we usually called them a tuition class) and luckily Manav also had joined the same tuition. The first day, while entering the class I heard someone saying " Hello Priya" ( that’s my name ). I looked back and it was Manav who called my name. I was standing shocked with my pounding heart but anyway, I managed to reply back. From that day, we became friends only to share our notes or to discuss something about the classes. 2 yrs passed and still I couldn’t tell him about my feelings. Though nowadays it’s too easy to say to someone "I like you " or "I love you" but those days of the 90’s love story were a bit slow. Lovers used to gather the courage to approach someone. Before the board exam of 10th, one day I heard a rumor that Manav was dating someone & finally I closed the chapter and moved to another city for higher studies. I forgot that incident and never tried to contact him back.

Friendship after 12 years...

I was recalling those days and Again I received another message from him & he was asking if I have remembered him or not. Yes, of course, I remembered him after all he was my first crush. But I didn’t expect his message after 12 years. I was confused and didn’t know how to react to this message. I replied normally by saying " yes, Manav am I right? How are you? And do you still remember me ?" Though I have too many questions I avoided asking.

Manav -: "yes of course, how could I forget a friend"? I tried searching for you a lot and finally, I got you on Facebook".

We chatted for a while with Normal conversation about our current life & shared each other's contact number. After few days, we became good friends and started talking over calls, messages. We were staying in two different poles of the country, I was in Bangalore & he was in Noida. One day, he shared his plan of visiting Bangalore soon as he wanted to meet me & I was glad that I was going to meet an old friend as Our friendship was so deep and we became best friends.

One mistake & left with regrets...

Before our meeting, one day over a call he said something which I never imagined to listen to.

Manav -: " it's been so long, I wanted to share with you something "

Me -: "yes, tell me ".

Manav -: " you won’t believe while we were in school, I had a huge crush on you ". But couldn’t tell you at that time because I was afraid of rejection and was not sure whether you will accept it or not. I thought once I will be settled with my career I will propose to you and for the last 12 years, I was looking for you to say that I love you. “

After listening to his words and taking a long deep breath in a joking manner, I replied " seriously, even I had a crush on you. When I heard that you have a girlfriend, then I thought not to you share you anymore.”

It’s too strange that we both used to like each other but we couldn’t share our feelings. If we could have told it earlier then the story might have a different angle. I wouldn’t have to have any other relationship and I didn’t have to be frustrated in my disaster relationship.

Though Manav was expecting us to be together even if he knew my past somehow because of that past, I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I was expecting my friendship with Manav will be forever.

He again asked me " what are you thinking Priya, Can we both be together forever? " I don’t know whether I was stupid, or my situations made me do that at that time but simply I could reply to him if it’s okay with him then we can continue to be friends because currently, I didn’t want to involve myself in any relationship. "

He tried convincing me many times but because of my stubbornness, I lost a friend and a beautiful partner.

One fine day, I received a message from Manav that he was going to marry & invited me to join. That day the only thing I realized " yes, I did a mistake. How could I reject that person who waited 12 years for me ?" Now there is no U-turn and the only thing that remained with me is my regrets. And I was too late to Regret it.

We are still friends and talk once in a while.