KAMAKSHI VERMA

Abstract Inspirational

3.5  

KAMAKSHI VERMA

Abstract Inspirational

"This Myself"

"This Myself"

7 mins
144


I was bound, unable to leave, stuck tightly in a coalesce of projects, assignments, books, notes, final term examinations, what not…. I was bound to stay at hostel of my college, during the winter vacation. What could I do!! Can’t go to meet my parents, my friends, can’t go anywhere to travel, enjoy and celebrate…. Life was quite hectic now, full of loads of works, responsibilities and a coalition of family’s and teacher’s expectations. Nevertheless, there is no point complaining, no one is listening, right? Or is someone, eavesdropping? I doubt.

I resided in New Delhi with my parents, while my college was approximately fifty kilometers away from my residence, in an another part of New Delhi. It was quite difficult for me to visit my home even in the normal college days, when I had minimal work load, then how could I go now, when hundreds of project sheets are lined up on my desk, no less than the apparent height of ‘Leaning Tower of Pisa’, (wait, I suppose I was too agitated at that time, probably that’s the reason for this exaggerated comparison) waiting to catch my glimpse and feel my cold hands on their printed white covers. Conclusion-“I can’t go to my home this time, sadly like many times before”, I informed myself. I informed my parents and my younger brother about everything- projects, exams and my decision to not to visit them during this winter holiday. They were sad, exasperated, at the same time they pretended to understand my situation, like ‘many times’ they did before. We both, didn’t have any other choice, but to comprehend. ‘REUNION’… ‘REUNION’…probably the distance between ‘RE’ and ‘UNION’ was too large, too large for both of us to cross, maybe, we would be able to cover this distance of fifty kilometers next year, upcoming summer, maybe…….. “In the mean time, Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year”, I wished them, in the cubicles of my mind. 

First day of winter vacation, I studied for the whole day, completed all my work on time and submitted the reports on the electronic forms, specially designed by our institute for file submissions. Second day, we did the same thing (‘we’ because my friends were there too, most of them were from distant towns and cities, making it difficult for them to go visit their family members, in vacations). Days went on like these, until the day of Christmas Eve. Everyone woke up a little late on that morning; much relieved (we worked hard, day and night in the previous days, so as to have no workload on the day of Christmas and eve). In the night, we had a small, pleasant bonfire followed by playing of accordion by our college director. The small fest was organized by our university staff, as an acknowledgement for working hard and also to keep our spirits high for the upcoming years. We were overwhelmed, having such a beautiful and heartwarming blast of surprises. The night was filled with escalating serenity, beauty, positivity, warmth of bonfire and comfort of friend zone.

Next day. MERRY CHRISTMAS. We wished each other, faculty members, employers and university staff. It was a different experience, to celebrate and enjoy with family like friends, away from our real families, but close to our teachers, hostel and college staff and building. “It isn’t too bad”, I recall saying this to myself. I am happy, after a very long time and yes….. contended… yeah, it seems like I was contended….. seems like…. maybe…. maybe not….I was not sure, I was not contended. Missing something or probably missing someone, yeah, I remember… I remember missing the joy… the joy of festivals, the joy of sharing, the joy of wider celebration, the joy of ‘caring’… 

“Let’s go, we need to buy candies, cakes, chocolates, sweets and Christmas trees. Come on guys, we need to hurry. Hey, you can eat your cake after we come back, let’s go, let’s go”. All of my college friends and colleagues accompanied me to buy cake and Christmas gifts, while contributing a part of their pocket and scholarship money to buy twenty five boxes of sweets. Now, it was time to go and meet the most forlorn children of the society. We all went to an orphanage, near our university campus. The children and the caretakers were overjoyed to see us. Gifts, wishes, Christmas songs, rhymes, stories, sweets, Christmas trees, laughter, joy, celebration…. and most importantly, the ultimate ‘sense of giving’ which flooded the cold damp air, making it more ‘warm’ and ‘comforting’. That day I realized that everything has beauty, but only a few can see it. 

We spent a plenty amount of time talking to children, playing ludo and monopoly, writing wishes, planning our New Year resolutions, while having pleasant sips of dark flavored coffee, enjoying every moment of the day, sending pictures to our family, while creating collages of the photos we just clicked with the young kids. “You all continue, I will just be back, don’t worry about me, I will be back soon”, I left the place. I went to another place.

 A familiar one…. The place that filled the most important and precious pages of my childhood and memory… My SCHOOL. I went to my school (which was ‘fairly near’ from the orphanage, so near than it took me more than one hour to reach there… Never mind, let’s continue), to meet and greet my school teachers, the teachers who were the influencers, the real heroes and the ‘creators of my life’. The Sanskrit phrase, ‘Gurustu diipavan maarga darsakah’ which means ‘teachers are like lamp that lightens the path’, that’s what my teachers did for me. They enlightened the paths of education, learning and knowledge, instilling strong moral values, honesty and trustworthiness, inside me. Today was the day, when I could pay respect and express my gratitude, for all of their hard work and dedication, all through the career building years of my life. Unfortunately or fortunately, the teachers were not there. It was unfortunate, because I missed the chance to meet them after such a long time of three years and fortunate because I could imagine them, happy and save at their homes, with their family and friends. 

This provided me with the opportunity to move through the corridors of school. I remember….. The first time I entered that school, with both my parents on my either sides, going to the principal’s office, collecting the allocated class information. I could feel that ‘same’ pressure, fear…. Fear of coming into a completely new world, new faces, new benches, new dimensions of classroom, questions, whether I could make new friends or not, everything…. It just passed, in a fraction of seconds, down the column of my old memories, rebuking the ‘present’ me. From a five year old little girl to a twenty year old girl- the journey hasn’t been easy. I could see…. I could see myself, passing through every stage of classroom. Sitting on the last benches, studying, cracking jokes, arguing, punishment, chatting, those lunch meeting, sharing lunch boxes, distributing sweets and candies on birthdays, participation in sports program, dance shows, asking parents to come to the award functions, calling friends one day before exam, asking doubts, shows, presentations and a lots and lots of stuff. 

The stuff which made me fill with both, pride and gratitude. I was proud…. Proud of myself, proud of still fighting and standing here, steel strong, proud of never giving up, never letting my morals and positive spirit leave my body and soul. I felt nostalgic. I recollected all the forgotten and buried memories, the kind of girl; I used to be in my childhood. The girl who was ‘imperfectly perfect’ in everything she did, the girl who wasn’t much confident but loved to play around, chatter, the girl who wasn’t mature, but carefree, the girl who wasn’t responsible, but strong enough to counter each and every difficulty at every step of her life, that too without a single complaint or mention to her parents or teachers. That girl was me… A little naughty, curious little brat who knew nothing more other than playing around, helping others, laughing, games and friends. A me who didn’t have high grades and marvelous achievements, but the girl who could come up with new, creative and innovative content. That was probably the real me, the young me, the lost me…….

My school. This was the same place, same sense of belonging, same sense of security, security that your teachers and parents are there to help you to correct your mistakes, to forgive you. I am happy, that I came here, more glad to meet ‘this myself’, still standing there, at the same place…. The principal’s office, smiling at me and telling me, “You did well, you little brat”. Perhaps today is the day when the distance between ‘RE’ and ‘UNION’ is filled, filled with childish innocence, love, carelessness, energy, ignorance, bliss and serenity….. 


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