Nirabhra Neel

Abstract Tragedy Inspirational

4.5  

Nirabhra Neel

Abstract Tragedy Inspirational

The Wind

The Wind

20 mins
257


I woke up to a blaring alarm. I realised there will never come a day in my life when I will not be annoyed by it. My room seemed as dull as it had last night. There were no windows for the sunlight to seep in through so in here it felt like time ceased to exist. But I had a watch and mother always said, the light which illuminates is within, the light around, is an illusion. I threw away the blanket, climbed out of bed and opened the door. As I walked out I knew breakfast had already been laid because the air was all about fried sandwiches and tea. I strode on to the washroom, resisting my hungry grumbling stomach and spent the next hour brushing and bathing. Although my room was small, it was meant for two people to stay; I was the only fortunate one who didn’t have a roommate and I counted my blessings. I read all night, played guitar as per my wish and often slept with the lights on with no one to object. It was a boon. I opened the almirah and picked a pant and a shirt; I grabbed them as a paper fluttered out and fell at my feet. I picked it up; it was a doctor’s appointment for this evening. I had completely forgotten. I dropped it in my bag, dressed up, and headed out. People gathered around the table for breakfast wished me as I grabbed a sandwich. I returned their wishes. I liked them all; some were friends, some interesting acquaintances. I had my breakfast while conversations erupted around me. As the debate over politics heated up, I took a final swig of my tea and sneaked away, taking the stairs down, I headed out. The first thing I noticed outside was the wind. It was strong. Stronger than usual, hard hitting and ruthless, as the trees nearby swung viciously, it seemed they were threatened to be uprooted. I was entranced by what I felt and what I saw. Mother always said, if you look long enough, you’ll find tranquillity in an uproar and chaos in the silence. But I never looked long enough. I called for an auto rickshaw and hopped in. I told him where I needed to go and plugged in my earphones. Opening my playlist, I clicked on I want something just like this and set it on repeat. The song did wonders for me. No matter what mood, this song would always set it straight and I did need it right now, heading to my college. The journey, they say, is better than the destination and this was one of those circumstances I would readily believe that. I am what people refer to as an introvert; they say it like I should be embarrassed about it. Hence I call myself reserved; I find it much more respectful. College was never on the list of my priorities because I never felt the need to attend a class. I have to go now, because I need my identity card for the exams. I have no necessary friends in college, simply because I never wanted any. I don’t even remember how many days and nights I have spent, clamped with stories and drenched in fictional characters. It has now become like a drug, which I will have an existential crisis without. The real world makes less and less sense to me by every day that passes, by every book I finish and by every story that I become aware of. The need for a human being never arose. The song was re-playing for the fifth time when the auto rickshaw came to a stop; I grabbed my earphones and stuffed them in my pocket. The college gates were wide open, they looked as if hands of a giant, demanding a hug. Inside the campus there was a huge banyan tree, around which there was a raised platform. Students were often found cherishing the cool and refreshing air around it. Today was no different. I walked past the tree, towards the inner buildings, that’s where I hoped the main office would be. I had been to college very few times and so I didn’t even know which building to head to. All I could do was to ask someone for help. But when I looked around, I suddenly became aware of a cluster of people roaming the campus. Some were in pairs, some in a group, some were alone but only until I looked closely and realized they held a phone to the ear. That was the only sight which perturbed me. Observing a bond all around me always made it so quintessential, that I felt I was an outcast. I feared encounters with probing eyes and judgmental minds. I didn’t approach any of the people I saw. The more eyes, the more questions, the more questions, the more they will judge you. So I gave up the thought of the card completely, instead, I wandered around, reading names off plates latched onto different buildings, committing it to memory. The next time I enter this campus, I would at least know my way around. It took me a while to circle around, visiting every building. My side quest came to an end as I came full circle and found the last building, adjacent to where I had started. The latch hanging at the front doors said Proctor’s office. The stairs which led to the entrance were partially occupied by a girl. She was standing on the second step; holding a book in her hands, gazing around. She was the only person I had come across so far who was really ‘alone’. I decided to approach her.

“Hey!” I said

“Hello” she glanced at me

“Do you know where I can get the identity card?”

“Yup, right here, come, I’ll show you.” She pointed to the adjacent building and then started moving towards it.

It was the same building I had been to initially, only if I had asked someone, I would already be on my way home now. I stood there for a moment contemplating my stupidity then I followed her. She led me to a man sitting on the other side of a window. I walked over, he asked me for some documents, which I dug out of my bag. Then he asked for a sign. The next few moments, a printer buzzed and whirred, spitted out a page and finally I had my identity card, crisp and warm in my hands. I folded it and slipped it in my bag. When I turned around, the girl was still there.

“Thank you so much” I said walking over to her.

“Don’t bother, the pleasure was all mine” she bowed.

I chuckled. She did not seem the gregarious kind, yet was surprisingly amicable.

“I am Ankit”

“Nikita, nice to meet you” she smiled.

“So are you waiting for someone?”

“Yes, there is a friend I have to borrow notes from; he told me he would be here by ten but evidently he is not”

I suddenly remembered that I too needed notes to study. I asked her what subjects she had opted for and came to know that we had one in common.

“Can I get a copy of the notes once you have them?”

“Sure, not a problem”

Now all that I needed to do was to wait. Meanwhile we continued to talk about ourselves. She had much interest in English, which ineluctably piqued my interest in her. Soon we were exchanging thoughts and defending arguments about certain characters from stories we both had cherished. And as expected, the debate rather quickly reached an impasse. Hence we shifted to private lives. She told me she lived on her own and was preparing for the civil service exams.

“What is your aim?” she asked me.

My smile gradually faded. I let out a sigh, staring at the ground.

“It’s not something very ambitious” I said, “a writer, probably a far-fetched dream.

“Every dream is far-fetched, until you make it your destiny.” She said after a couple beats of silence.

I looked up “My mother used to say something similar”

“Yeah, you can call me that too.” She grinned.

I smiled and shook my head.

“How is she by the way?”

“She passed away, a few months ago”

“Oh, I’m sorry”

“It’s fine”

“So apart from interests, we also share tragedies. That’s something you don’t come across everyday” she smiled.

I stared, at a loss for words. The pain had been unbearable to me and was still stinging cold, but it seemed like she was just fine. Mother’s voice rang in my ears. I looked at Nikita, Chaos in silence. And this time, I looked long enough. As her eyelids flapped, the moisture in her eyes became more apparent. All of a sudden I could see her, crying, heaving and wailing with her face stuffed in a pillow. The pain was visible to me. The smile she was wearing on her face, was broken at the edge. It was forced. I could see her insecurities laid bare, the feeling of being alone in an overpopulated world. The smile was the ruse which ensured she was welcomed. All this pain, dripping from her face, yet as I blinked, it was gone.

“I’m sorry too” I said with a heavy voice.

She nodded. “Let’s take a stroll to the park, shall we?”

 

The campus was huge; there was a canteen and a private stationary shop for the students. In the middle of the campus grounds was a small park, surrounded by other buildings, and trees at random spots. The park had only one gate for both entry and exit. Within, there were eight benches; six of them were already occupied. We took the one farthest from the gate as there was a tree above and the shadow was inviting. A man, carrying a kettle and paper cups was selling Masala Chai. We asked for two and settled down.

“You ever feel alone?” I asked as she took a sip.

“That depends on your meaning of alone. If not being surrounded by people all the time is being alone then, yes, I do and I’m glad”

“So there is another meaning of being alone?”

She smiled, “You know our species is incredible. The number of fools is way more, than there are intellectuals. And that’s because people spend more time trying to know others than they do knowing about themselves. The potential we possess as individuals is lost when we group up, most people would say otherwise but the society binds us in these laws since we are born. Rules and regulations which tie us together, not giving anyone proper space to grow. I believe that all the answers you are looking for, you will find within. People who cannot harness this power which resides in their own self because they are too busy socializing, those are the ones I would say that are truly alone.”

“That’s quite ironical”, my lips curled into a smile.

She shrugged, “Yes, it is!”

There was silence for another moment. Then I spoke up.

“But don’t you agree that being in company of others helps to live? Like sharing sorrows and helping each other through tough times?”

“Being in company of others doesn’t help to live, it only helps to survive. People don’t share their worries; they bury them, in the wake of a friend and once that friend is gone, those sorrows dig their way up again.” She looked at me, “Only you can overcome your problems, others can cheer for you if they want. But this damned world we live in, you would be lucky if you had someone like that.” She stood up and walked over to a branch, caressing a flower. “They say humans are social animals but they tend to forget the latter part, we are animals nonetheless”

“So you are saying that----“I was stopped short by her shriek.

“I see him!” she yelled

I stood up and followed her gaze, I saw a boy. He stood further away in the distance, outside of the park, talking to a girl.

“He is the douchebag who promised me the notes” Nikita said.

“Seems like he is quite busy at the moment”

“Listen, you go and ask him for his notes, let’s see what he says.”

“Me? Why?”

“Because I want to know if he even remembers that he promised me. I’ll be behind you, now go!”

She pushed me lightly. I ambled on. When I glanced back, I saw her following and I suddenly felt excited. Although I was approaching a pair of complete strangers, I had no doubt in my mind about it. I knew if something went wrong, she will have my back.

“Hey!” I called

The boy turned around and raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

“Sorry to bother you buddy but do you have any notes on you for English? I need them urgently.”

“Uh, yeah I do.” There was a split second hesitation before he said it, “By when will you return them?”

“Within an hour, I just need to get copies.”

“Umm, okay sure”

He reached inside his bag and took out a notebook. As he was handing it over to me, Nikita jumped out of nowhere, with which she even took me by surprise.

“So you can give your notes to some other guy but not to the one you promised?”

I looked at her, feigning confusion. “What? You had an arrangement?”

“Yes we did! And he never showed up.” She glared at him.

I looked at the boy, he was shocked and confused. He stared at me, his eyes blinking with incredulity. He was piecing our play together. Nikita saw it too. Before he could even utter a word, she grabbed my hand and said,

“No need to offer an apology, I don’t like people who cannot keep their promises.”

She yanked my hand and we strode away from him.

When we reached a good distance, we stopped and burst out laughing.

“Well, that was fun” she said

“Specially his face!” I agreed.

We walked around the park and came out on the other side. We had nowhere else to go so I proposed our next destination be the canteen. Nikita agreed but said we should queue these notes for the copies first, it would save us time. I walked into the stationary shop, its door stood open; there were a bunch of copies and books lying around. They had one printer which was enough for the job but it was busy. I stood in the queue waiting. And once again I was struck by a gust of wind as fierce as I recalled, since morning. I looked outside, the dirt on the ground was spiralling around, and the trees were swaying vigorously. My clothes were flapping, begging to be torn apart. My hair was all over the place, sheets of paper resting on the desk flew all around the room as the wind came in gushing. But this time the wind felt familiar. I closed my eyes and all I could see was Nikita. She was strong, bold, swift and messy. So was the wind. I opened my eyes with a smile on my face. A few moments later I ducked out of the stationary shop and found Nikita strolling around. We started walking towards the Canteen.

“I gave them the copy; they said it will take time”

“I’m sure it will” she replied

“The wind is unusually strong today don’t you think?”

She looked around but said nothing.

“Maybe it’s only me” I muttered to myself.

The canteen was the kind of place which was always bustling. It seemed like the number of people who left were somehow instantly replaced. So no matter what time you enter, you always met a crowd.

“What will you have?” I asked as we entered

“Samosas, obviously” she smirked

“Stole my thought”

A few minutes later we had a paper plate loaded with samosas and Chai alongside. The whole room was echoing with voices, some shouting, some chattering, no one could tell one from the other. At that moment I didn’t care about anyone around me. I was feeling a weird kind of wave percolating through me. It was happy and warm. We talked about culture and life, science and religion. Her thoughts and ideas resonated with mine. Her imagination was unlike any. 

“So which side are you on, Religion or Science?” I asked, taking a bite.

“Why do people have to pick sides?”

“Then how do you support the one you believe in?”

She rolled her eyes, “By not undermining the other! Why do people have to turn everything into a war? Why fight more and understand less? When you can live with both, why pick a side?”

I shrugged, “They don’t know that”

“No, they don’t wanna know it”

I fell silent. Her theories and beliefs about this world was different than most. We talked for a while, jumping between topics and genres. The more she told me, the more I wanted to hear. We kept on going and I lost track of time. When I glanced at my watch, I realised it had been four hours since I had entered college.

“It’s been quite a while.” She caught me checking the time.

“Yeah, didn’t even realise” I said back.

We exited the canteen and strolled back to the stationery shop. The queue was gone.

“Sorry, some official work showed up, I had to do that first” said the man behind the desk. He had only printed one set of notes yet.

We stood there for a few minutes doing nothing. Then we walked back out.

“If you have to go its fine, I’ll return the notebook” Nikita said

“How do you know I have to go?”

“You have looked at that watch for about a hundred times now”

I fell silent. “Yeah I’ve actually got some work to finish” I said a little embarrassed

“No problem, go!”

I fell silent again.

“What?” she said

“I just wanted to say thank you. The conversations we had today, you don’t even know how much you have changed the way I will look at things from this day onwards. All of it helped me understand the circumstances I have been running away from, all my life. I just wanted to say that.”

Nikita smiled, “Everything that I said today, everything which you seem to be so impressed with, you are capable to figure out all of that by yourself.”

“You think so. You don’t know that”

“Don’t underestimate yourself that much. One can know all about life and still be an asshole because the secret is not in gaining knowledge; it’s in understanding what you know. You will meet people who are double your age and dumb as a wall. They learnt everything there was to learn about life but they understood nothing. All your answers are within, Ankit. Stop looking outside”.

I nodded. I felt gratitude for her.

“Will you be here tomorrow?”

She thought about it. “Yeah, I’ve got a class”

“Oh, okay great, so I’ll see you then. I also have to get the copy of the notes”

“Wait”. She reached inside her bag and took out a paper and a pen. She wrote something on the paper and then held it out. I took it. It was a phone number.

“If you can’t find me, give me a call, I’ll tell you where to meet”

I just stood there, overwhelmed, not knowing how to respond.

“Now go!”

A few moments passed and I just turned around and walked outside where I found an auto rickshaw ready to leave. I grabbed a seat and he took off as I dropped the paper with the phone number into my bag. Throughout the way, I could only think of her. She had something about her which was easy to fall for. Had I fallen? I didn’t know. Not for sure. But what I did know was that I missed her, already. I reached my quarters. I paid the driver and was strolling inside when a gale hit me for the third time this day. I stopped and watched as the leaves whimpered. Plastic junk on the road went fluttering around. Dust was spiralling and flying. I quickly closed my eyes, I could see her. Strong and messy, bold and swift, coming at me, she was here. I stood still, for a long moment, feeling the wind, feeling elated. Then I opened my eyes and with a smile on my face I walked inside. I had lunch and then took a nap. Later in the evening I started with all my pending work but couldn’t do it for long. Every now and then I would recall something Nikita had said during our conversation. I rejoiced it all. My anticipation to talk to her was rising every hour. It was late at night when I went to bed. I felt different; like my life suddenly had something more than it could. I knew I was in uncharted territories but it somehow felt familiar and warm. Before I dozed off, two things came to me and that was all that I remembered of the day, Nikita and the wind. I was grateful for both.

 

The alarm rang, just like it had yesterday, screeching loud but it didn’t annoy me. I woke up, bathed and dressed up in about half an hour. I was the first to get breakfast and the quickest to leave the table. By the time everyone gathered around the table I was already on my way out. As I descended the stairs and walked outside, I saw a friend kick starting his motorcycle. “You want a lift?” he asked.

Why not? I thought. I knew the bike would get me there faster. It took me ten minutes. My friend talked some about his college and asked stuff about mine, to which both I complied quite exuberantly. When I saw my college gates; I felt no weariness or panic, just pure excitement. I walked in, cheerfully. The banyan tree still stood strong; the students sitting under seemed content. I moved on, past the tree and the park to the proctor’s office, I gazed at the steps, reminiscing the moment I had approached her. I stepped up and stood there reliving it all while I waited. The wait in itself was excruciating. My eyes bore into the crowd which entered the campus. Every time a girl walked in the gate I would peer at her until I was sure she wasn’t Nikita. I got stares from a couple girls as if I was a jerk but I didn’t care. An hour went by. She was nowhere to be seen. I was getting restless. It was already time for her class to start, but she wasn’t here. Then it occurred to me, maybe she was already in her class, maybe I had missed her. I jumped down and dashed to the English department. The class hadn’t begun yet, students were slowly pouring in. I bustled inside and looked all around. There were a lot of students in the room blocking my vision; I spotted a girl sitting in front of me.

“Is Nikita here?” I asked her

She looked up, “I don’t know anyone of that name”

I moved up the row and asked several others, everyone had the same response. They didn’t know who I was talking about. I stumbled out, confused and worried. I walked back to the park, trying to think of something, when I remembered. I opened my bag, dug inside and took out a paper. I opened it up to find my identity card. I chucked it back inside, I reached in again and this time found the doctor’s appointment, I had missed it. I dropped it back in. I dug in again and finally I found the number, I took out my phone and dialled it. The number was busy, I dialled again. Same response, she was talking to someone. I kept on dialling for the next few minutes, anxiously walking around. Then I paused. I looked at the number carefully. It felt like someone had punched the breath out of me. I realised why the number was busy. I was dialling my own phone number. I dropped the phone inside my bag and started running around wildly, from one location to other, searching through mists of people, frantic and desperate until I found him. The boy I had asked the notes from.

“Hey!”

He turned around.

“Have you seen the girl who was with me yesterday?”

“What girl?”

“The girl who stood right here, who talked to you” I was annoyed.

“There was no girl with you; you were talking to empty space buddy, are you okay? I was worried when I saw you doing that and you didn’t even return my notebook”

“What? Didn’t she give you the notebook?”

“No one did”.

 My breathing was ragged, I felt my forehead burning. None of what he was saying made any sense. I turned around and ran. Bumping and crashing into people, I reached the stationary shop. I was out of breath as I walked in.

“Sir” I heaved, not able to speak.

“Hey you, you went away yesterday without payment” the man spoke up, he was angry.

“The girl with me, did she not pay you?”

“What girl? You were alone as far as I can remember”

I couldn’t speak. It felt like someone was holding my tongue.

“Here”, the man came out with the notebook and the copies; he slammed them on the desk.

“But…. this is not……not…… possible” I could barely whisper.

I stumbled back out. The world was spinning around me. I could hear the man yelling from the shop. People were swarming everywhere. I hoped one of them would be Nikita; that she would just jump out of nowhere and laugh at me. My knees buckled and I fell to the ground. My face was against the dirt and that’s when I noticed. The dirt was at rest; I grabbed it, a handful and then let it go. It fell straight to the ground. Tears running down my face, I flipped over and looked around, the trees were still and the leaves stood motionless. It felt as if everything around was dead. The wind was gone.


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