My Pestilent Defense

Sleep is far off. I am huddled in my bed, holding my blanket up to my chin, shutting my eyes as tightly as I can. I am begging for it to sieze me, to pull me into the abyss but sleep is far, far away. The warmth of the blanket helps on the outside but inside, my heart has gone cold. I can feel it on the edge as someone standing on the tip of a mountain. Foreboding? I don't know. There is silence in my room except for the clock which is ticking loudly, as if to remind me that time is running out. But what should I do? I must try to think of something else, something that would make me feel a little happier. Something which would give me peace. Perhaps then I would be able to sleep. But there is nothing. Nothing comes to me. Just then I hear a laugh, father has been drinking for a while, he often does when his friend shows up.

They laugh and hoot occasionally and then there is silence again. A shiver passes over me and I sit up in bed. The night seems long. I grab my pillow and hug it for some comfort as my eyes fell at the window on the far wall. It has patches of fog all over it. I can almost feel the cold seeping through as the fog quietly engulfs the entirety of it. I am studying the fog on the canvass of the window in contrast to the darkness beyond when my door crashes open. I stop breathing for a moment as my brain freezes. Then when my primitive instincts let go of me, I glance at the door. A figure looming, staring at me like he found a treasure. His eyes are dark red and he is looking at me as if he has read me several times over. His hair is ruffled and saliva is drooling out of his mouth. He wipes it off with his right hand and staggers into the room. His walk speaks for him, he is drunk but he knows, he knows what he wants. He is holding a bottle of alcohol in his left hand.

It's almost empty. He stumbles across to me and my skin goes cold as he stands near the bed. I look at him and he just grins. I want to scream but my mouth is dry. He keeps the bottle he was carrying on the side table and proceeds to undress. I smell his foul breath and want to throw up but I know I can't. The hair on my skin stands up when I see a twinkle in his eye. I slowly scramble backwards, grabbing my blanket. My skin crawls as my brain imagines what is about to happen. My heart is palpitating so hard I can't hear anything. My ears are burning and I haven't breathed in a while. Im holding my breath for as much long as I can. I want to be unconscious when it happens. He leans in closer and whispers something. His saliva drools on the bed as he speaks.

His words are a slurry so I can't make out what he said but then I had heard it so many times before I didn't need him to repeat it. "Whore" says my father. I curl up against the wall, I want to cry but I know I can't. I just shut my eyes tightly. Nothing happens, not yet. I feel like an eternity has passed and then I hear glass breaking. The window? I instinctively open my eyes and look straight ahead. The window is intact. Then I hear a grunt, I glance sideways at him and gasp in horror. The upper end of a bottle is sticking out of his throat. I see terror in his eyes. He screams out loud and at the same moment a hand sweeps by and pulls the bottle out. Blood gurgles forth all over the wall and spills down on the floor. His arms moving mechanically try to hold the blood in, but they are too slippery. He collapses to the ground revealing the figure behind. I see myself, staring down at him, I'm holding the bottle by its neck, blood is dripping from it's every cleft. My clothes have a few spews of blood, my breathing is heavy and uneven and the look on my face is nothing of fear but of heavenly delight. 

A deafening cry of thunder blares through the room and I wake up with a jolt. Sitting on the bed, breathing heavily, I look around. My clothes are soaked in sweat. I throw my blanket away and my eyes fell on the window. The fog is gone. It's complete darkness outside, beads of water droplets are dripping as rain hammers down with occasional lightning. What a nightmare! I take a deep breath and then glance at where I saw myself standing with the broken bottle in my hand. There is no one there. I take another breath but I can't let it out, because when I look down at the floor, there is a body lying in a pool of blood.