Radha's Love And Loss

Darling:

I am ashamed that I let you down. What a fate it is to betray your trust and belittle my love! While I lost my way with you, blinded by revenge, constrained by guilt, I’ve to hide my face from you; and that’s the tragedy of my life. Don’t I know how hard I made it for you, so I don’t want to add any more, but with your understanding (I know I can’t seek your forgiveness) I shall await the noose with fortitude.

What with the fake-notes case bringing Pravar and Shakeel into the spotlight, I came to you to test the waters of avenge. But even as I was shifting my goalpost of life in the arena of our ardor, my fate played foul with my love as Ranjit too came into the setting. It was as if fate had chosen to place its axe in my hand to grind it on the anvil of revenge, forged by the poison of abuse. How sad that I allowed my bitterness towards a deceiver to belittle my affection for my benefactor that is even as I was recasting my shattered life in the mould of his love, you know who.

While I shamefully pried upon Mithya’s cupboards, I chanced upon her personal jottings and her long-lost daughter’s photograph that has striking resemblances to Natya, and when I showed it to her, as she identified it as hers, I felt like I was her own mother. However, I curbed my impulse to reveal her identity to you, but as she fitted in my game plan, so I bought time, as it

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were to her peril. Then sadly for me, I discovered the poison that Mithya acquired; you know for what, and with that my urge for revenge got the better of my love for you. But on the other hand, I was more determined than ever to see Pravar’s end, if only to end Natya’s misery. 

Believe me; I wanted to come out clean with you after I was done with the despicable trio, in the hope that you would own me as you had once owned Mithya, in spite of everything. Probably you would have, had not Ranjit’s murder pushed Kavya into your enamored fold, for you have a peculiar weakness for feminine criminality. But after that ménage a trios with Pravar and Natya, how odd it would have been for her as your woman to have Natya as her daughter. Maybe, to save Kavya’s life from that oddity, fate had ended Natya’s tragic life. But then, is my life any less ironical than Kavya’s - Ranjit jilted me for her money, and I lost you to her love. Is there a parallel to it by way of fact or fiction?  

Perhaps, you and Kavya deserve each other better, and I want to see you tie the knot as I pray for your married bliss, for that won’t you earn me a day’s parole. I seek your sympathy, not as barter, but to end my agonizing life in penitence.   

Yours not to be,

Radha

This is an excerpt from the author's Prey on the Prowl - A Crime Novel