My unfinished Poetry

I was a successful recognised poet even though I couldn’t make a living by it. The prices of petrol and gas were in competition, putting the lives of common people in trouble. Injustices, atrocities, and immoralities annoyed me the most. Many of my writings were against the ridiculous ruling of politicians and the government. My verbal protest invited antagonists on my way but I was determined to speak my mind out for the people.

 By the time, some of my writings attracted the attention of a couple of ardent fans who had similar views, and obviously a lot of rivals too. My family advised me first, warned me later, and finally screamed at me demanding me to stop writing on such matters. I knew one thing, my writings had haters in my house too. 

"You are responsible for my thoughts, Dad. The stories you narrated for me in my childhood had such messages," I spoke with a censorious tone. 

"But... you are a young girl, my dear Renuka," his voice trembled.

"So what? There is nothing wrong with speaking the truth. Who can deny my freedom of expression?" I said point-blank. My tone wasn't so different from my Dad's. 

 "Mohan, she is reflecting your adolescent age," mom said staring at him.

He was dumb-struck as if he accepted her criticism.

“Dear, I have just a piece of advice for you. We respect your freedom to choose your future but I am surprised why you don’t see any other themes to write on, like romance, rain, nature, the world, and …….”

 “Papa, stop,” I interrupted. A lot has been written on those topics.” Finally, failing to convince me, they conceded to my wish. 

The days passed by and the number of my fans and enemies multiplied. I used to get over hundreds of E-mails and messages from all around the country. Reading those messages and giving replies to the deserving ones had been a pastime for me. 

One day, I noticed a message from an anonymous contact. It was rather lengthy but had an appreciative tone. 

“ Hi, Renuka, I am an ardent reader of all your writings. Your poems have life and they are like bullets, never miss the target. I appreciate your courage and I look forward to reading more of your thoughts.......” The letter ended signing in ‘A fan’. 

I was elated because not many had that tone of appreciation. Letters from this anonymous fan distracted my mind. 

"Who is this guy? Why doesn’t he reveal his identity?" Questions heaped in my distracted mind. 

I dropped a few lines for the anonymous fan requesting to reveal his identity. There was no letter from him for a month. Curiosity mounted like never before. I realised that I was in danger. 

"Am I in an unusual love with this anonymous fan?" I was confused.

Putting an end to my anxiety, finally, the message arrived. I was in a hurry to view the message as if the message was going to vanish in seconds.The letter gave me nothing more than his name and place.’Mohan from Kannur,Kerala.’

“Is he young or old?” I wondered.

 I wrote to him saying that I wished to meet him. This time, the reply came before I grew impatient. But, the message disappointed me again because he made excuses to avoid the meeting. I knew one thing for sure that this guy had no negative or secret intentions or else he would have replied positively to my request forthwith. 

"He is a good man.....a true admirer of my work," I felt. 

My mind grew more nervous and anxious day by day. After a week, I received a call. It was Mohan’s sister on the other end. 

“ Hi, How are you? I am Radhika, Mohan’s younger sister. If you don’t mind, can you visit us one of these days?” she inquired. 

My ‘Yes, why not’ came naturally and instantly. She spoke to me about nothing else other than the details to locate the place. I was certain that he had presented my matter before his family. 

"What is going to happen there? Why is he inviting me ?" 

I anticipated a proposal from him in the presence of his family. I deliberately kept this matter to myself because my parents would certainly be reactive to my decisions. So I decided to leave the house informing them that I was going to meet a friend. 

"Hey, you look so different today!” my mirror would tell me if it could speak. I was not the kind of trendy girl. I have never been serious about my looks and appearance before. But that day, I had the best of me. I didn't forget to take one of my latest books for him. 

We had to travel about 45 kilometers and the distance seemed unending as I was curious to meet him. My driver had a little trouble locating the place. We had to stop the car to ask for direction a few times as I couldn’t trust the google map blindly. Your dreams and google map do the same sometimes…..taking you to the wrong places.

 Finally, the car was stopped at the gate of a small house. The gate was open for us and my heartbeat started rising as I got out of the car. Radhika and a woman of my mother’s age came out welcoming me. She must be Mohan’s mother, I assumed. 

“Had you trouble reaching here?" his mother asked. 

“ No, not so much,” I said looking all around as we were walking in. 

My eyes were in search of him. Radhika held my hand tight as she took me to the guest room. His mother rushed into the kitchen to bring me coffee. 

“ Where is Mohan?” I wanted to ask but before that Radhika said that he was in his room. 

"Maybe he is shy to face me," I consoled myself. 

"Why doesn’t he come out?" I inquired.

 “Come, let’s go to his room." Radhika led me to his room.

Suspicion started lingering into the scene. I was nervous and I didn't know why I was so. I felt numb as I entered the room. He was in a wheelchair. I couldn't believe my eyes. His face spread radiance all around. His smile touched my heart.

“Mohan can’t walk, his body from below the waist is paralysed,” his mother said shedding a few drops of tears. 

“Hey Renuka, come take a seat,” he said with a charming smile. 

Was he hiding his emotions or was he really content with his life? I don’t know.I requested them to spare us for a few minutes. We spoke nothing for a few seconds. I couldn’t take my eyes off his radiant face. 

“Hello! Don’t you have anything to say?” he asked waving his hand at my face. 

“Well, Mohan, it's my pleasure to meet you and I have a gift for you.” I gifted my book to him.

 He was in a haste to uncover it but I told him to read it afterward. 

“Are you shocked to see me in this situation?” he asked.

“Yea, obviously but I am so happy that you are a follower of my books,” I said hiding my true emotions. 

“How has it happened?” I wanted to know. He sighed and looked at a photo frame on the wall. 

“ Look, I was so young and energetic then.” He pointed at the photo. 

“Rajith, Jayram and I ….we were classmates….no, even beyond that. Silence crept into the gloomy scene.

"They left me alone here,” he continued. 

"We were strong supporters of SFI. Party’s ideologies were our personal motto. We were ready even to sacrifice for the party and its decisions. Once the party had a dispute with some of their antagonists. We were used as rebellious weapons by the senior party leaders. Rajith and Jayram were murdered. Somehow I was saved, though the incident left me half dead." I could see his rage in his fiery eyes. 

“ So, what inspired you to read my poems?” I asked curiously. 

“ Your poems are what I wanted to shout out to the world. The youth must discern their future much more wisely. We were mere dummies. I don't want anyone again to be like me....a half-dead creature.... for any party's selfish ideologies," he sounded stern.

We talked for over an hour, all about his dreams and aspirations he couldn't accomplish.

“ Can I speak for you for the rest of your life?” I asked him before I left his room.

He was shocked. He must have thought I was making fun of him. I still have no idea how I came to such a conclusion. I knew he would resist my wish but I wanted him to know that I loved him, not out of sympathy but out of real love. 

“ Renuka, I thought you have mature thinking as your thoughts are. I don’t want you to sacrifice your future for a useless man like me.” 

“ No Mohan, I’m speaking from my heart, I’m serious. I can take care of you and I will be happy with you.” I know I was in love with you even before I met you. My mind longs for a life with you, Mohan. Please believe me,”I pleaded.

“Renuka, but I won’t be happy as I am now. There is beauty in realising that there is someone to love me......take care for me..... and I shall cherish this moment till my last breath,” he spoke holding my hands. 

Finally, as I was about to leave him, he told me just one thing. 

"Renuka, don't put your life in trouble."

 He had the same smile but I wasn’t the same Renuka when I left his room. All my dreams were shattered within minutes. I wept till I reached back home. 

The biggest change that has happened to my life is that I still write for him, not merely those social matters but also romantic poems. My parents too are happy about the change. I don’t know how long will my pen speak for him. I visit him often and gift him my new works. Each time I visit him, my love for him is growing up to the sky. I don’t know how long I will be able to win the fights with my parents on the matter of my marriage. He often advises me to obey them. But, I know this is an unusual love and I will patiently wait for his change of mind.

I believe if my writings can touch him, my love for him can certainly touch his heart. He will be mine one day. I dream for that day……