My First Love

Seventeenth of august 1958 the superstar who never acted in his life was born in a lower-middle-class family and it was a Sunday. Like any other superhuman, I made my mother work on a Sunday to give birth to me. It was a small town by the name Palayamkottai in the district of Tirunelveli located in south Tamil Nadu. In those days this small little town Palayamkottai used to be called the Oxford of Tamil Nadu because of some very good educational institutions located in the township. Most of these institutions were run by Christian missionaries. St. Xavier’s school and college were run by Jesuit fathers belonging to the Roman Catholic sect of Christians, St. Johns school and college were run by the Protestants sect of Christians. In those days whenever these two colleges played inter-college hockey matches, it used to be watched with great enthusiasm like the matches between India and Pakistan. The famous school and college for women were founded by Ms. Sara Tucker and were running successfully. There was one famous Tirunelveli Medical college which was running successfully as part of the government hospital. I considered myself to be lucky to have born in that small little town. My name is C. Arockiasmy and my father’s name is S.Cholvilangum Perumal who was born in a small village near Capecomerin in Tamil Nadu. He was from a Hindu family but got married to my mother, who was a Christian belonging to the same cast, but from a rich family in 1945. My mother and her ancestors were from a small village near Tuticorin the port town of south Tamil Nadu. They got impressed by the British culture, their faith in Christ and were converted into Christians around the year 1840. My mother’s name is Theresammal. My mother’s grandfather Mr.Ponniah knew some priests working in St. Xavier’s college and got my father a job there in 1946 in Palayamkottai. He was in charge of the office, worked as a clerk and got promoted to Head clerk. He was so efficient and honest that he became the man Friday of the entire faculty and principals served in that college. In those days there was no coeducation in schools and colleges. But I was lucky to get my education started in a coeducation sister’s convent. The name of the convent was St. Ignatius convent where coeducation was allowed till the fifth standard. Only rich parents could afford the fees but my father put me in that convent with the hope of me getting a good school with an English medium. He was just like any other simple middle-class father willing to spend a few bugs more to get the status of his son studying in English medium convent. Mostly all the other schools were having only Tamil medium.

This came as a blessing in disguise and I met my dream girl and my first love. She was my first love who was my classmate from class one to the fifth standard. Those days there were no LKG or UKG. Her name was Ratna and her father owned a rental shop where they gave music records, mikes, amplifiers and speakers for various functions like marriage, public meeting, etc. The name of the shop was also Ratna. The most important factor of my attraction towards her was her complexion. I was dark but she was fair and all my dream heroines of sixties were beauties with fair colour like Kashmiri apples. In the beginning of the entire first standard where I met her it was only looks with which I try to get her attention. I was very careful in not scaring her and ensured that my looks don’t turn out to be a dirty look. I tried to make it look gentle and pleasant like in those old Tamil movies of that time where the hero always had a majestic and gentle romantic look. It took almost a year and a half for her to recognise my looks and slowly she also started giving me meaningful looks. I started coming to the class before time in the morning because she was an early bird. My mother was cursing me because she had to prepare the lunch earlier and I somehow managed her telling that I used the time for preparing for the days lessons. As it went on one day during my third standard she and I were alone and some dust fell inside her eye. In the pretext of removing the dust first time in two and a half years, I touched her and opened her eye and blow gently to remove the dust. Though she was feeling a little shy, she enjoyed the help and I felt as if I was in a dream world. She thanked me for the gesture, and luckily nobody was around. The entire day I was in a state of heavenly bliss and couldn’t concentrate on the classroom instructions. The aftereffect of that day was that in the night I couldn’t sleep well. Whenever I closed my eyes the scene came and haunted me. At that tender age, I must have realised the pain of being fallen in love. Next day as soon I got up I told my mother to hurry up with my lunch and told her a lie that I had a class test. To my pleasant surprise, even Ratna also came to the class early. Just the two of us were sitting very close as if something would happen like yesterday. I grew in confidence and sat next to her very close. The sisters of the convent were very strict and they knew if they put a bench the boys would sit close to the girls and do some mischief. So every student had an individual desk and a chair. But in the early hours since nobody was around I sat on the desk very close to her. Those days no deodorants and costly scents but the sweet fragrance of the Ponds talcum powder she used gave me jitters. The pleasant smell of jasmine powder took me to heaven above. I gently started the conversation enjoying the fragrance fresh in the morning knowing very well by evening everything will be washed away with the sweat.

Me: Hi Ratna what is your father doing?

Ratna: Arockiasamy my father is running a shop in south Bazaar giving music systems, records mikes and loudspeakers etc.

Me: Oh that shop I had seen so many times the name of the shop is your name right.

Ratna: Yes, how do you know?

Me: I keep going to that place for shopping Ratna: I have a brother elder to me studying in the sixth standard.

It was the month of August and my birthday was on 17^th August. Our uniform used to be green shorts and a white shirt. On our birthday we were allowed to wear colour dress and distributed small toffees to our classmates and teachers. On the sixteenth, I told Ratna that tomorrow is my birthday and I would bring a special gift for her. She was happy and gave a million-dollar smile. For me, it was more than any worldly gifts. As usual, we both came early.

Ratna: Arockiasamy you look very nice in this birthday dress.

Me: Oh dear, thank you so much.

Then I gave her the small cake I bought for her and she for a moment held my hands and received it. She then took out a small gift nicely wrapped in gift wrapping. She told me to open it at home and not in the classroom and I kept it safely in my school bag. That evening I walked along with her. When we reached near her house I grew in confidence and wished her good night and sweet dreams. She looked at me pleasantly and wished me the same. It was like a dream sequence in our good old movies of the sixties where the hero and heroine suddenly start walking around in dreams at hill stations like Ooty Kulu Manali or Kashmir from the local areas. I enjoyed my birthday cake and walk with my dream girl and counted that as one of the most memorable birthdays of my life. I could not wait to open the precious present I received from my first love. It was a nice picture of love birds. She was nice and thoughtful and it was a very gentle way of expressing her feelings. At this tender age expressing her love forgetting the caste, colour, and religion from a small-town girl made me realized that we were a developing nation. Once I grew up I became a naval officer in the Indian Navy. Though I had seen very advanced and developed countries like Germany France etc. latter in my carrier this expression of love by a small-town girl way back in the sixties made me realise that our country was also developing in all aspects of life. The next day we were all taken for the movie Chemmeen, which won the national award for the best feature film in 1965 and went on to be screened at Cannes and Chicago. The film was based on the novel written by Thakazhi Sivasankara Pillai. It was a love story and I had the occasion to see the movie sitting next to my dear Ratna. Tears rolled down from our eyes as the movie ended in a tragedy. I felt a little scared of having an affair because she was a Hindu and I was a Christian.

During the fifth standard being the final year for the students to be together, the sisters arranged for a picnic to the famous waterfalls in the south by name Kuthalam (curtalam). We boarded the bus early morning six. It took an hour and a half to reach the place and we were served a nice breakfast. The girl students were taken to the women’s enclosure for taking bath in the falls. We all went with our master to the men’s side of the falls. It was great fun as the water was hitting you like small stones. One would feel that someone is pelting with small stones from the top of the hill. The oil we used on our head and body gets washed away without soap or shampoo. The force of the water does the job without soap or any other stuff. You feel rejuvenated and feel as if it was like a shower from heaven. After bath and lunch, we were allowed to shop around or sit in the garden under the shades of 100-plus-year-old trees. This time I and Ratna went for a long walk before shopping.

Me: So Ratna after this I will join the sixth standard in St. Xavier’s and I presume that you will continue in St. Ignatius convent.

Ratna: No Arckia my father is struggling to run his business well. We are not getting enough orders to sustain the business and my mother got a transfer to Kovilpatti (another small town in the south Tamil Nadu) and so we all will move to Kovilpatti and I and my brother will continue our studies there and my father is looking for some other business in the new town.

Me: That means the time has come for us to say goodbye...

Ratna: No Arockia don’t say that I will be in touch with you throughout my life where ever I am and whatever I do I cannot forget you as you are very special for me.

Me: That is very kind of you and I too will keep in touch with you forever.

She had very sharp features and in fact, she was slightly taller than me but I got very much attracted to her. I imagined myself to be the local heroes and got indulged in dream sequences like running around trees, hills and romancing with her. I had the courage to tell her that of all the girl students, I found her to be the most beautiful one. It hit her like anything and she started sharing her lunch with me after we came back from the picnic during our final months of the fifth standard. One of my classmates was the son of a very rich businessman. His father was running a cool drinks company. He used to get Biryani almost every day and shared it with most of the students. But Ratna, my dream girl, and I avoided all those lavish food and used to share the simple food between us. We met during Dassera festival which used to be celebrated in a grand style like Kolkata in our home town for ten days. It was fun and I even held her hand gently and she leaned on me. Together we went to all the temples in the town. Every temple used to have their goddess decorated and placed it on the car (Ther) and we used to walk along with that. At the end of the procession, they used to halt in front of the temple where they used to have a folk dance called Kumbam in which the men and women dressed in multi-colour costume, carried a small pot on top of their head and danced to the tunes of Nagaswaram and Tavil (Drum). Hearing these instruments live and watching the performers dancing was a real treat. Then there would be singers who performed live, singing of film songs. The best part of the singing was that they start off with Hindu, Muslim and Christian religious songs and then continue with film songs. During those days Ratna was allowed to stay out till late at night. For me, it was as though I was enjoying a date in a London pub with her. Everything was within the limits and it was just like friendship with any of my male friends. But then there was the feminine presence that made me feel great and looked better than the male company.

Time ran very fast and we both were busy with our final exams. The exams were conducted very seriously and we were all engrossed with studying, discussing the question papers after the exams and calculating the expected marks. Then we had the final exam and celebrations that followed on completing the heavy burden. We were all so busy rushing home throwing the bags and enjoying extended playing hours. Both me and Ratna didn’t bother to say bye and in the happiness, I forgot to take down her address and she also forgot to give her address and the beauty queen of my life for five years vanished in the thin air.

Thereafter in the holiday mood, I totally forgot the affair. As usual, the holiday ended sooner than expected and was back to St Xavier’s school with my new school bag. Since the school was just five minutes' walk from my home I had the luxury of having lunch at home. Once in a while, I missed my first lady love Ratna, but the tender age and new set of male friends took away all the memories and the company of new school friends was more enjoyable.

At this golden age of sweet sixty, now I realise it was fate, destiny or God’s will that took away my beloved Ratna from me and both of us had to face the realities of life. That moment we both never realised that after the exams we will part for ever and not to meet each other again. In those days of no cell phones not even landlines at our homes the only way of communication was through letters but somehow after exams, we forgot to take down each other’s address.

Now Ratna must be like me crossing fifty-nine and entering sixties. The meaning of the word infatuation is realised by me now, whenever I think of my Ratna. Because of my late marriage, I am not lucky to have grandchildren. In fact, my son just started working and daughter looking for a job on completion of engineering. I am sure my old friend Ratna must be married by now and must be having grandchildren. Those who are reading my lovely story anywhere and if you happened to know my good old friend and classmate Ratna, whose last known position was Kovilpetti a small town from south Tamil Nadu do convey my regards to her.