My Father From Hell

This is a short story in Hindi written by Jawahar Choudhary which is a Satire .So readers are requested not to take it seriously. Idle brain is devil’s workshop is proved in this story.The intention of the story is only to amuse the readers but not to take them anywhere to the caste politics. I do not have any claim on this story.

There was a palatial house which was habitually known as Haveli.A wooden bench was laid at the verandah on which the respected person addressed as Hujoor by everyone continued to sit like his centuries old ancestors.They too were Hujoors for everyone like him.From morning till evening he held his darbars, to the extent possible,since Hujoor had no other work to do. In the proximity of Hujoor there were two to four more Hujooriyas – who were called .Hujoos as per the prevalent practice.They stood always with spittoons (Peekdaan) not knowing from which direction Hujoor will open his mouth to spit out .

“Hujoor,In our Dalit basti a person called ,Hariya has died day before yesterday”,Hujoo informed.

“ So ?” asked Hujoor , taking care of his spit, tilting his mouth upward.

“ Today his picture appears in the newspaper.It is written that Hariya has attained Swargawaas! Swargawaasi Hariram is written there,Hujoor." whispered one of the Hujoos.

“ So?” Hujoor could not understand anything.

“Hujoor, your ancestors are in heaven.Pandits and big business men get into heaven.But how can a person , not permitted to climb the steps of a temple ,climb the steps of the heaven!! ?

“ Yes , this is wrong ! Hujoor spat out the paan from his mouth and looked seriously.He said, “ They are becoming stronger, they entered the schools, they entered into the service,, they entered in elections and now they enter into the heaven”.

“Senior Hujoor and senior mistresses washed the firewood, touched by them, with Gangajal before using in the fireplace”.Hajoo added a little ghee to the fire.

Hujoor thought for a while and said,"Ask lawyer ,Shukla whether there is reservation in heaven” hearing which one of the Hajooriyas started dialing the number.

“Freedom has spoiled all systems Hujoor.The rule by British was better.They did not interfere in our work.Should we call the Pandit, Hujoor for getting his opinion .In the matter of Heaven their words are sacrosanct ” The second Hujoo said.

“Go , fetch the Pandit”Hujoor commanded.The person who was talking on phone presented before him.

“ What did the lawyer say?”( " Kya bola Vakilva?")

“ Hujoor ,the lawyer said that he does not know much about heaven. But Mahaswarg is for Marathi people he has confirmed.Please talk to him.”

Hujoor got a jerk.Nobody knows anything these days.What to talk? Still he took the phone , Hello Vakil Saheb! What is this? When we refer the matter to you for clarification you make it more complicated.I have asked a simple question , whether there is reservation in heaven or not? And you….

Reservation may be in Bihari heaven.It may be in Hindi Swarg also.But I do not understand .But the Mahaswarg is for Marathis only.Aple Saheb , sitting at the front door of Mahaswarg has clearly told that he would not allow anyone to enter Mahaswarg.If someone dares to enter he would beat them to pulp even if they are already dead” Hujoor disconnected the phone after hearing him.He became more anxious.He asked the near by Hujoo , “Please find out Hariya has gone to Swarg or Mahaswarg.”

“He might have gone to Swarg only Hujoor, because he does not know Marathi.Your ancestors are also there in the same Swarg”.

“ That is my great worry.After freedom nothing is moving in the right direction.Those who should be in Hell become Swargawasi without asking anybody.There is no rule and no system.Has not the Pandit come yet?” (Abe, wo Panditwa nahi aaya ab Tak?)

“ He must be on his way Hujoor…He is coming holding his dhoti".Pandit Ji registered his attendance as soon as he reached.Prosteration to you Hujoor.(Palagi Hujoor)Ever be happy , Hujoor.I am at your service Sarkar.

“Pandit Ji , tell me who all can go to heaven?” Hujoor asked a straight question.

“ It is written in Shastras that those who are pious and follow the path of righteousness go to Swarg..Those who utter the name of Narayan, Narayan,may also go.Those who give charity to Brahmin always go to heaven .Thereafter, it is upto you Hujoor, whom you want to send".Pandit Ji gave an authoritative verdict taking care to boost the ego of Hujoor subtly.

“ When you will die , where will you go ?”Hujoor asked opening a new pouch.

“ If you allow me I may go to Swarg ,Hujoor”.Pandit Ji could understand that there was something fishy.

“Pandit Ji , people were going to Swarg earlier as per your wish”.

“That was a different age.Now it is demoracy.It is your rule now ,Hujoor.”

“ Seth Sahukar ,Tom,Dick and Harry ?”

“They can also go to Swarg by a little effort”.

“ Who else can go?...The people from Dalit Basti?”Hujoor came to the point.

“Those who got nothing when they were alive ,how can they get anything after their death?”

He asked a Hujoo standing on his left,”Tell me … what is the news.”

As soon as he got the order he opened his mouth- “ That Hariya who died last week… his picture finds place in today’s newspaper. It is written Swargiya Hariram…..

Pandit Ji cast a glance on Hujoor to understand the pulse and sensitivity of the matter.Then he said, “How does the mere writing matter Hujoor?By writing Thanedar before one’s name one cannot become a Thanedar”.

But there must be some clear cut rule to let us know who should or should not go to Swarga.The Swarga has become a Chowk these day - so crowded .Call the son of the Swargwasi Hariya.

One Hujoo willingly walked off

“ Leave it Hujoor , the days are bad” Pandit Ji advised him softly.

“ How can I ignore it?Today one person has become a Swargawasi.Tomorrow the whole Dalit Mohallah will keep on entering the Swarga.It will be very difficult to manage once the whole thing goes out of control.Earlier the better to uproot the tender Peepal growing on the rooftop.We do all traditional rituals with your guidance to appease the souls of our ancestors and forefathers and you ask me to ignore it. You could not teach them manners so far.If they keep on entering the Swarga , where will we go , and where will you go?”

Pandit Ji could not say anything.How could he ?Still in a mumurring tone he said,”Who listens to me Hujoor, after becoming educated?”When there was a restriction for them to get educated everything was fine.”

“ Have they gone to Swarg before?”

“The politicians of Delhi , UP have the word Swargiya added before their names” Pandit Ji reminded him.

“Even after becoming big netas they remain as Dalits only in papers.Go and see the registers in party office all leaders are known by their castes”

“Some saints and sages of Dalit would have gone to Swarga and they might be serving as barbers for your ancestors.”

“You were telling that none grows beard in Swarga.No body needs to go to toilet.No body needs to take bath or wash.None falls sick .None gets old” .

“ It is true Hujoor.The souls watch, the dances of Gods with Apsaras ,drinking Sura.

The son of Hariya who worked in the collectorate of Jabalpur came before Hujoor and did Namaskaar.

“Are you the son of Hariya?”Hujoor looked at him eye to eye.

“Yes”

“Are you educated”?

“Yes”.

“Are you employed?”

“ Yes ,I am a Babu in the Collectorate of Jabalpur.

“Had the Collector written on a cheque that Hariya has become a Swargawasi”.Hujoor took the topic on third gear.

“No, He was sick for a long time…So he died”

“ He passed away” it is correct to say that.But who told you that he has become a Swargawasi?”

“ Nobody “.

“ Then,how has Hariya become a Swargawasi?”

“It is the tradition to say Swargawasi about those who passed away “’’

Tradition! Is it a tradition ,Pandit Ji?”

“ No Hujoor”

“In a civilized society they have”.Hariya’s son told

“ Good, you are all from a civilized society now.Should I call for a chair for you to sit.?” Sit by my side … you are civilized.

‘‘ ........ !! ’’

“ Should I get you a chair?”

“ How can I sit by the side of you, Sir”

“ You understand that”But when our forefathers have become Swargawasi , how could your father become a Swargawasi?”Will he sit amidst our ancestors ?”

“ Swarga has a large space ,Sir”

“ Fine!! Swarga is big ! And you have seen it! Why do you say Sir?”

“We address with Sir to those who are senior to us”.

“ Did you not hear these people addressing me as Hujoor?”

“ Sir, in civilized society they use Sir.”

“So you alone is civilized here and all others are uncivilized.Is it so?”

"Your meaning of civilization may not work here.”Hujoo on the left told.Does your tongue twist when you say Hujoor?

“ Please let me know whether there is reservation in Swarga? The second Hujoo asked.

“ Don’t know “.

“If you do not know you may claim for reservation there also.You got reservation here on earth and now you may get it in Swarga too.”Buy one- get one free. Hujoor told jokingly..

“No Sir… Hujoor!”

“ Then how could Hariya become a Swargawasi?”

“ There is a different Swarga for Dalit , …..Hujoor..! “

"How can it be?Swarga must have Gods and Goddesses, Apsaras.Then only it becomes Swarga.Gods have some code of conduct.The moment lordRama cameto know about the caste of Shanbhuk he could not bear it.Do you know about it ?”

“ Yes, I know it”

“ Then what?”

“ Your Swarga is in the seventh sky and that of Dalit is in twelfth sky, Hujoor.!

Does the twelfth sky belong to your forefathers?You enter every where as you like.Remember we can tolerate everything but not the insults and injuries to Gods and Goddesses. Beware , if you call your father a Swargawasi.

‘‘ ........ ........ ’’

“ But you have already got it published in the newspaper.What will happen to that?”

“ Sorry Sir….. Hujoor.”

No sorry – worry.Catch him and write on his forehead,” Narakwasi Mera Baap”so that the people coming for condolence may know the mistake made by him in the obituary given to the newspaper.