My Child

The news spread like a fire. Everyone in the neighborhood was talking about her.

"Such caring parents, good grades ....then what went wrong?" every corner whispered the same question.

It seemed difficult to control Anu's mom. She was the first one to see Anu dead on her bed. It was like a thunderclap that shook her within.After all ceremonies, she was left all alone at home. She went into Anu's room trying to feel her. Her paintings..T-shirts...perfumes...flower pots.."Oh! God, why did she chose this step?"She was wailing, complaining, pleading Almighty to return her beloved daughter. She kept cursing herself as being a mother why wasn't she able to understand the plight of her child. She failed as a mother.

She opened the drawer and found a diary. She remembered that this was Anu's favorite diary. She painted a landscape on the first page. A girl with wings on second followed by two girls holding hands together." She painted beautifully." she thought while moving her hands on the page. Suddenly she noticed a change in her paintings from colorful to dark. The last few pages were all black...a face with tears...a girl with her head down. The last painting shook her. There was a hand with a bleeding wrist....with the caption 'Final Solution.'

Her heart was bleeding..she felt a deep ache.

Tears welled up as she turned the next page. It was written by Anu.

" How badly I long for this moment every day when I'm with you! Among all around me, you're the one who has time to listen. So what if you don't answer or don't give advice. Sometimes listening is the only thing a person wants.

I think I'm among the wrong people or I guess I don't fit in this biased world. What's wrong if I don't approve of what I was born with. I feel suffocated in this body. This mass of flesh protruding stifle me. I hate myself when I bleed. Why am I despised if I feel attracted towards her? How strongly I feel to caress her body, to feel the fragrance of her long mane.

She considers me a lesbian but I'm not. Why I have to prove that in my feminine body resides a male soul.A chivalric and courageous soul. They mocked me when I dress up in male attire. I want to remove these breasts...I hate bleeding every month. I know even my parents won't approve of my decision. After all, they're more concerned about society than their own daughter's wish.

This world is stereotyped and preconceived. I love myself...I am a male. But now I dont want to explain. Yes, no explaination...No clarification. It's just I don't want to live in this bipolar world. Maybe there's some other place for people like me. It's of no use to live among handicapped people. All are deaf to others' pain, blind to other's feelings, and dumb as incapable to speak for others.

I'm neither a loser nor I've given up. My soul doesn't belong here. I want to sleep peacefully. I wish not to be heard. I desire to be alone. Maybe that other world would comfort me...Would listen to my soul...Would accept me as a male."

She was weeping badly as she was left with no other option. If she could have accepted her Anu as her child...not as a daughter.