Masked Magic Of Life

I was pushing harder to fight a useless aim in my life, getting threatened and harassed every day for not achieving something extraordinary. My life was seeping into depression and comparisons skyrocketed my anxiety. Regrets and hopes were interchangeably fighting, making me question my potential each day. My life was miserably happy in those days. But do I still fear this situation? The answer is yes as I am in the process of diagnosing this problem in a different yet similar way. 

I got pretty good scores on boards but still was unsatisfied with my life. I was unable to filter my decisions and doubts. I was hanging in the middle of despair and happiness. This duality was killing me from the inside. I was slowly becoming a social chameleon, hiding my soul from negative emotions, and drawing a curtain of positivity which I later realized was an epic fail. Was this believable? No. But was this preventable? Yes, but within some time, and believe me this some time, according to me are my activities through my entire life. Sometimes, the existential crisis occurs and an attack is launched in the heart. Lots of questions pop up and we don't know even a single answer, despite claiming ourselves as scholars of life. That is me. I didn't add "was" to get you out of the illusion that we will ever be free from these attacks. Now, when I used to overthink about the absence of something significant, nothing struck my brain, not even a single creative idea about how I could really romanticize my life, apart from those expensive aesthetic products that I always hung back for the future. On my lucky 18th birthday, I got to know about this absolute spiritual medicine known as the Holy Bhagavat Gita. Spiritualists were recommending this in every video, may it be on the topic of lifestyle, youth energy or any other feminist issue. I, being curious, listened to a podcast on Bhagavat Gita and realized the downhearted separation that I had been facing since a million births. Lord Radha Krishna was always with me, after, waiting for me with raised arms to embrace me but I was the one who was so ignorant and silly that I didn't even bother to look back. I realized my mistake and started establishing this tender relationship through holy texts written by Acharyas. Though life made decisions dusty, Radha Krishna offered me the best they could. I can't go on singing the song of optimism throughout life, while committing the negative and then again expecting the positive to come back. This is what real ignorance was.

Boards were materialistic to make my parents proud and serve them in this form to reciprocate their hardships. But to ignore the eternal need to serve my parents, who although not present in this world, do care about me was no excuse. Honestly, I am still sitting and expressing my emotions without acknowledging how lovely they have been and how sportingly they have bared my wrong actions in life. Life has improved lately. Mistakes and misery still exist but with a lesser impact than ever. Harm happens but with an intensity to love Radha Krishna even more. It all draws me closer to them. I become sad when I forget them and become happy when I find them within my heart again. I've got to know about my real enemies in life now. Finding ways to tackle their actions is what bothers me now rather than how to dress up. Dreams petrify me, and I become terrified because I am still not conscious of my real identity. I fall again and again in life, crying for help, trying to surrender every second, but guess what? It makes me stronger and I try to find the ray of light in this dark tunnel of life. One truth, though harsh in nature has made me realize the importance of service to God and also presented this fact to me that "I will be troubled, bullied and executed by anguish and agony in life but to get up and fight with them is what will improve my mental health more and make me a better person"

Life is not easy and hardships will be there. Terrified will be the spirits, miserable would be the mind but stronger would be the heart and the desire to long for their love even more 

I love you, Sri Sri Radha Govind