Life Is Not Always A Mirage

Barkha and Sameer were totally lost in the beauty of surroundings. All around them till their vision could reach, it was pure brackish sand, absolutely devoid of greenery, not even a blade of grass. Still, it was breath taking and out of the world. No one could ever imagine that the nude sand and stillness of surroundings could be so beautiful. Slowly the Sun was setting in the west, looking like vermillion on the forehead of earth, lovely and divine.

In those ethereal surroundings, Sameer chose to propose to Barkha if she would be willing to Marry him. They both were colleagues and were there in Ahmedabad, for some Official work. “ Barkha I am fully aware that you are a divorcee. Your past has no bearing on my decision to marry you. We have been colleagues for two years now and I am floored by everything about you, your looks, your good nature, maturity and capabilities.”

Barkha was silent for a very long time. Finally, she broke the silence and said,” Sameer your proposal has pulled me out from the divinity of the surroundings to my harsh reality. How could you ruin my mood. While you know that I am divorced, it is better to know the details as you may be compelled to change your decision. I knew someday I will have to share my past with you. Let it be today ” saying so, she gave a peek into her past.

Her love life has been a Mirage, that never existed but she believed it to be there. Barkha, Puja and Sneha were three inseparables pursuing engineering degree together. There was this dashing young man Rishabh, who could impress and make friends with every one and the three friends were no exception. He was in love with Puja, who was oblivious to the fact. Rishabh would help her in many ways, would display his chivalry at every opportune time and Puja in turn would take advantage of him, sometime go to the extent of making fun of him and insulting. More than by words, she conveyed her disinterest in Rishabh amply by her behavior. On the contrary, Barkha was being attracted towards Rishabh, who was friendly with her and would share his feelings towards Puja with her and his feelings of hurt as she spurned all his efforts to get closer to her. Barkha was like punching bag to Rishabh who would dispassionately share and divulge his feelings about Puja.

To the entire college, Puja and Rishabh were a couple and they considered their fights and behavior as a cover to hide their love. Barka and Rishabh were considered just friends. Barkha was like a shadow of Rishabh following him and giving him moral support at the expense of hurting herself. Knowing that Rishabh loved Puja, she could not express her feelings towards Rishabh. 

At the end of their engineering course, when Rishabh’s parents were putting pressure on him to get married, he expressed desire that he would like to be married to Barkha.

“I was so happy to be married to him. I walked into the relationship with fully open eyes, without realizing even a bit that I was being used by Rishabh, May be even Rishabh was not aware or had no intention of exploiting my love for him. My love for him was unconditional. When Rishabh decided to quit the job and pursue writing as full time career, I supported him though I knew that he was mediocre at writing. I did not get any support from him in household work. I would come home and cook for us. He did not even care to spend time with me, go out with me or show any small gesture, even few nice words expressing love for me. I eternally waited for him to say some words of appreciation and love for me.”

“It hit me hard when I slowly realized that Rishabh was fully engrossed in himself and could not look beyond his selfish needs. Ours was a arrangement of convenience and my love was one sided and never will be reciprocated. So I decided to get out of this toxic relationship. Of course, Rishabh never abused me physically or verbally but made me feel simply like a furniture or fixture in the house. So I decided to leave him. “

The severance of the bond, which never existed between us was also painful. His parents wanted that we take divorce and alleged that the reason for that was my inability to bear children I could contest their allegation if I wanted to. Where would there be children when there was no physical relation between me and Rishabh? I don’t know if I can bear children and I don’t even care because I have lost faith in human relationships and would never consider any new relationships. We were given divorce on the grounds that I cannot bear children.” Barkha’s pent up emotions for so many years, were given an outlet and she cried to her heart’s content. After some time, they both walked into the silence of night, back to their hotel.

Next morning, Sameer said gently,” Barkha I wish to make you my partner, irrespective of your ability to bear children. Yesterday you had purged your toxic past and washed your heart with tears. You are a new person now. You deserve all the happiness in this world. My love for you is not a mirage but an outline of a beautiful painting that we both together will complete. Only time will tell if we can be loving parents. But let us be loving couple. Don’t say no” Barkha smiled as she felt light this morning. She had decided to put her past behind her and shyly agreed to be his wife. She also felt the need for a companion and was in love with him.

(Acknowledgement: The plot of the story is based on the story from Priyanka Gupta Saha’s story collection “Prem Gali” titled “Irada badal gaya kya “ (Story No 19)The characters are from the stories “Chupe Rustam (#12)” “Hum me mai kaha hun (#14)” and Irada badal gaya kya’(19) in the book.”)