I Am Beautiful.

"No problem madam. Everything is ready, can we shoot now?"
"yes I am ready, let's go"
And then the make up artist took her to the set-up. Everyone and everything was on the mark, waiting for Meera to come. One of them was there a model, who was brought in to guide Meera in poses and postures. She taught Meera and Meera acted back. The shutterbug began with his shots. He was about to take the 4th shot and Anjani interrupted him, "Wait, hold on, show me the glimpse of what you have captured yet." The shutterbug nodded and gave her space. After repeatedly going through the pictures several times Anjani said to Meera, "Dekh bhen (look sister), No doubt this man is a pro. (she said pointing toward shutterbug). But you should also co-operate. You are paying these people approx half of your yearly income. Right? What if it's not worth a perfect picture. Where is the glow hidden on your face? Please this time try to get a natural smile instead of an artistic one." She gestured everyone to continue shots and got occupied in her mobile. Meera amlost postured herself for the new shot. "Surprise." Holding laptop in her hand, her mother came in. Everyone gave her mother a weird look as nobody expected her. The very next moment her mother realised herself odd in the scenario and she begin, "I think I am at the wrong place but this is something very important." She went closer to Meera and in hushed voice she said, "Viraj wants to see your photo session, actually he ringed me up to ask how's it going so I told him that it has just picked the way and he joined me on skype."
"Are you serious?"
"ofcourse, I'm serious. Look!" (she tilted the laptop toward her.)
Anjani came in their conversation to see the matter and she asked, "What happend?"
Meera gestured her with her eyes to look on screen.
"Oh... Hi ji-ju, so you wanna see how my sister flaunts while she is getting captured." Anjani almost polished Viraj's face into red.
"Actually yes, I was eager to see her impeccable looks ." He replied from other side of the screen.
"Ok so you sit here." She dragged a table and placed the laptop on it.

The next day when Meera was seated in her room, her phone beeped. Meera swiped it to check if it was Viraj, unluckily it was an email from the company regarding the photoshoot that she will be receiving a dead tree edition in some business days. She went through her photographs and in a while she was 3 months back. She caught her self up in memories pondering about the time she spent with Viraj.

"I don't want to depart, I want to stay with you." Viraj muttered while snuggling in Meera on couch.
"I am not going to die, Its just five month of internship, and you will get a permanent placement." Meera said wrapping Viraj in one of her arm.
"but I don't want to leave." Viraj managed to hold his tears.
"I know, even I don't want you to leave, but this is the best chance one will never wish to take forgranted. And if you will earn more, you will be able to spend more. Who knows if there will be need of lakhs upon my treatment and medication in future. Are you wanting me dead honey?" She asked while convincing him.
"Shut up. please shut up, I will go." And all his tears bursted out and he cried out like never.

"Meera, take your coffee." Her mother entered in room and and she flashed out back from her memories. The rain drops falling in the balcony tempted her and she located her new diary to jot down circumstances of her sentiments.

Hi I am Meera. And I think writing is the only thing that can keep me alive even after my death. I am the type of girl who loves to follow her heart but always chooses her mind over it. I really don't believe in doing everything that heart speaks out. We should use the brain too. Diagnosed with a rare form of Breast cancer called Inflammatory Breast Cancer, I had FEC chemotherapy which was going to be 8 cycles where I went once every 3 weeks and had it given intravenously. I was having several appointments in the following week when I got to know about my sickness. In the same period Viraj (my fiancé) was leaving for another state. Since then he is far away. I have to go 5th time for my chemo tommorow. Its a tiring procedure. I know I am not going to die with this disease. But there is a phase in your life when you become hopeless and you just despair.

Yesterday, I had my photoshoot. Generally common people don't go for it. Having a photoshoot was one of my exquisite fantasies. Now when I am going through this stage I am instinctively doing things that I once wished to. I hired a make up artist to look fabulous. Yesterday, after she was done with make up, she brought a bunch of scarfs. She chose one of them for me; the one matching with my dresss. As she was lifting it toward my head, I pushed her hand back with my forearm. I told her to let me accept what I am. And she acknowledged me that I will look better in hijab (a way of head covering generally by a muslim women). I denied and she left. Sitting on the dressing table I looked at my bald head. I imagined myself with my former long hairs. I felt drowning. I remember when I saw myself bald for the first time. For once, I felt I have lost all my pride, self-esteem, gratitude and everything a girl can lose. And now my heart is continously telling me, "You are beautiful." I am beautiful. Yes, I am beautiful.

Now when I look at these bald-headed pictures of mine, I feel depressed and happy at the same time. I know they make memes about me and I can't do anything about it. May be I should have worn scarf or may be what I chose was perfectly fine. I should learn to accept my reality. For now, It looks my elegant fantasy has turned into hideous reality. They say a six is a nine with a opposite perspective. Perhaps, I am beautiful this way too.

The rain was heavy now. Meera stood behind the gate of the balcony and peeked to look around. Her inner voice began to speak to her, "Meera, look at those kids, they are enjoying the rain with all their soul. And now, look at those well grown civilised sensible people. It looks like they fear rain. The terror of getting wet and the effort to take a bath, is what that is not allowing them to enjoy rain. It does not matter what people think of you, you are what you believe you are. If you believe you are beautiful, you are. If you dont, you are not."

Meera moved to the dressing table swiping her pictures on mobile. She sat and watched herself in the mirror. And she continued it for next few minutes. She moved fingers through her features. She fought with her thoughts in her mind. eventually she ran on the terrace. With open arms she looked up, in the open sky. She embraced every drop of water that fell upon her. She joined her open palms and cupped a handful water, and spoke to it, "I am beautiful."