Her World!

I had a bad feeling while I took this train. But I knew it was just the anxiety talking.

After my clumsy entry into my compartment, seeing all the weary strangers, I sat on my seat next to the window and when the train moved, a jolt of happiness embraced my body. This was a it! I longed for a vacation for a really long time. And it felt as if literally the mountains called me! Of course my mind always scared me but it was the very thing which giggled like a child for little things.

 Though the night breeze was cooler than usual, and the stars dimmer than yesterday’s, I just wanted to reach my destination and enjoy a few days for myself.

It's crazy how a 30 year me didn’t want anyone accompanying me. While people of my age were happy with their marriages and children, here I was on my way to a place where the population was less than my office employees!

I kept my belonging closer to my heart, afraid that things might get stolen but I didn’t have anything of value, only clothes for a few days and books! Shit! That’s when I realized that I had forgotten to get me some dinner. Just the thought of it made my stomach give me hunger pangs and the cold weather gave me cravings of foods that were not near available. See you in a few days, Domino’s!

I checked my phone for the food options and found nothing that I liked. Then I heard someone talking about getting Mushroom Biryani at the next station as it was known for its taste and hygiene. Mushroom Biryani it is!

I dozed off before that station came and loud chattering woke me up. We were there, I could see the queue and realized I couldn’t make it. Still determined, I got down and stood clenching my phone tight. I heard some voice, vaguely familiar,

“Just a few spoonful and my baby can use my arms as pillow”, the voice echoed.

Something happens when I see people caring for others. Of course there are many perks of being a solo traveler, and I enjoyed being one. But just for once I wished I could walk the busy roads with my eyes closed knowing that a hand will always be there trying to protect me. Today was not just the day.

I was pushed as others tried to make it the counter get their food and leave. I gave up afraid that I would miss my train.

I sat back in my seat again as the train left and watched outside. The aroma of the food made me even hungrier and I forced myself to sleep to forget it.

A gentle hand, gentle as I knew it before tried to wake me, my heart rushed, cheeks flushed with fear. A thief! I opened my eyes to a face which I dreaded seeing again. It would have been a lot more better if it were a thief! I didn’t think I would ever see him again! The same face, gentle. The world is really a small place. What was he doing here? Was it his voice earlier? Did he see me miserably fail to get my food? Who was he talking to?

I started at the face with horror filled eyes. He didn’t make eye contact. He just held the food near me hoping I would take it.

Eyes were blurred, before he could see me crying I turned away and a woman’s voice followed.

“Viraj, Viraj, where are you?”

He kept the food on my lap and left.

Viraj? My Viraj?

Two years since the dreadful breakup. He said I was too much in love with him! Refused the marriage saying his family was against it. Five years of relationship came to an end. I was never enough. Empty promises were made all the while we gazed at the sky speaking about all the possibilities of us in other universe!

My chest tightened and I forgot about my journey. When the cracks of my heart opened, the darkest parts of my past leaked and I bled. It was all good until it wasn’t. All I could think of was about a man I loved and who did love me once upon a time. He had held my hands tightly till he decided to let go of me. Foolishness had had engulfed me. The memory of all the sweet kisses turned into torturous sensation piercing my soul.

The hot food burned my lap and I came back to my senses. It was true that he had moved on with life. I did too. Maybe not the way he has moved on but I have changed. I enjoy being with myself. I give myself the love that I yearned for.

Did he care? Little did I care about that. I gave the food to a man in need and slept.

It’s true loving can hurt. He did, definitely! He said he was leaving because he wanted to see me succeed, and that the pain was for the greater good. Well, for someone who considered him to be everything, literally, Mother, Father, Brother, Best Friend, Husband, everything! The blow was too hard. Leaving me stranded like that? I picked myself up after that and I’m never going through all that again.

Early morning, I woke up after a dreaded nightmare but the scene outside the window made me jump in joy. The warm sunshine flooded the grass field, cows, horses grazing happily. The mountain so serene that I thought I was the only one in the entire universe. A smile. A beautiful smile of my mother nature. I got down, came to my room which was in the midst of the forest. There were warning signs all over about the wild animals. But I didn’t care as I had faced and won against far more dangerous beasts.

The lady who ran the lodging facilities arranged for my breakfast which was basically the local cuisine and I ate to my heart’s content relishing the taste. I locked my room and fully opened my windows which were like a gateway to heaven and started reading.

What more can a girl need? When she’s in peace with herself.