Former Fancy

Even now, when I talk to myself alone, sometimes the first love of youth comes up in the conversation. There comes a time in the youth of every man's life when the mind is very restless, running madly in directions, in the whims of different minds and listening to every sound that flows there. To tell you the truth, I did that too once, and that memory is still fading away in a silent corner of my mind.

I did not mention her name here, but I devoted myself completely to her search. I first met him in tuition. The time was winter, when she first lays on the other side of my face, let youth give me that freedom and urge that fickle mind, to enter that jewel of the mind to listen to that mind. I may lose my way in that absolute jewel of the mind. Gradually I developed an inevitable attachment to her and coincidentally, she studied in the school next to mine.

I used to open a window in the middle of the school towards the open field, but it seemed to be elusive. At the end of school, I used to stand in front of her school with a friend. Once I managed to get a good expensive chocolate, I was saying in my mind "I will give it to you". I asked my friend to visit with me regularly and in return gave him some food. To tell the truth, I did not have the courage to go in front of her that day, she laughed, I also laughed but unfortunately I had to give the chocolate to that friend in the end. Now when I think about it, I feel sad, I feel proud and I forget everything and I completely blow up a world in hell.

Every time I saw tuition, I was just asking, I don't know if he understood that. Maybe deep down in my soul she took her life time and time again but maybe I was just trapped in that secret magical world of his mind jewels. Once it rained heavily, after consulting with my friends, I stood on the opposite side of his school gate with a tartar. This is the golden opportunity when I saw her standing under a canopy.

With that sweet smile, her black eyes, looking from inside the len's wet frame. She suddenly came forward, I also went a little further, from behind my companions were whispering to me and encouraging me, but I could not. Just then she got into the car with one of her friend. I just stared with the umbrella in my hand, the moment I stepped back, I heard an intensive evocation , calling my name for the first time, "I've seen it all...….."

The whole thing was not heard, the car honked and vanished into thin air, taking all my desires with its own smoke.

I really didn't know that I will never hear that ever touching right like this again. I used to sing that one name and one word all day long with my school friends and how many songs satirically matching my own situation, I used to sing by that window or in one of those fields. Today they have all turned into jokes and sarcasm

So many times I went to her after school but I was not successful. This is how my love story was supposed to end. One thing that she gave me still stands out to me, a small piece of paper as a reminder of her touch and the last time we saw each other in person.

 I remembered one thing now, I wrote my name with her ,in a small casket and buried it in the ground, with the thought that this memory may go beyond the scope of forgetting or losing, and will remain as a sign of guilt forever. After that, the bigger I met with her, it was really unnecessary and after a time when I realized that this life may have been written by God on someone else's floor, and this love was only meant to be a memory and cherished in some self care of the mind.

Still, when friends joke, there is real happiness and sadness and maybe there is a smile on the face, but in my heart, maybe I shed tears on the tomb of that unspeakable, unremembered love. Let it be a memory.