Let It Be A Memory

Even now, when I talk to myself alone, sometimes the first love of youth comes up in the conversation. There comes a time in the youth of every man's life when the mind is very restless, running madly in directions, in the whims of different minds and listening to every sound that flows there. To tell you the truth, I did that once too, and that memory still lingers in a silent corner of my mind.

 I did not mention his name here, but I devoted myself completely to her search. I first met her in tuition. she was sitting just opposite to the desk I was sitting, at that instant circumstantially, my youth surrendered the complete eternal independence to me and provocated my desperate mind to lay it's ear over the dense corners of her mind . Might I had entered that path but unfortunately I lost that way. Gradually I developed an inevitable attachment to her and coincidentally, she studied in the school next to mine. I used to keep my eyes mesmerizingly observing over the vacant ground through the window during the off periods, in search of her. I But she used to keep herself in check At the end of school, I used to stand in front of her school with one of my friend. Once somehow I managed to get a good expensive chocolate, keeping in view that "I will give it to her". I asked my friend to visit with me regularly and in return I gave him some remuneration in different forms. Frankly speaking, I did not have the courage to go in front of her that day, she laughed at me, I also laughed. But atlast I had to give the chocolate to my friend only at the end. Now when I think about it, I feel sad, I feel sulk, and at the end of the day I forget everything I completely blow it up in the bin of hell.

 Every time when I used to observe her at the time of tuition I don't know whether she was understanding it or not, but I used to look at her more than occasionally but mesmerizinly. She might have entered the deep of soul and and laid her everlasting impression over it, but I got trapped in her magical world . Once it raining heavily, after consulting with my friends, I stood on the opposite side of his school gate with an umbrella. I thought this is the golden opportunity when I saw her standing under a canopy. With that sweet smile, her black eyes, looking from inside the lens wet frame. She suddenly came forward, I also went a little further. From behind, my companions were whispering to me and encouraging me, but I could not. Just then she got into the car with one of her friends. I just stared with the umbrella in my hand, the moment I stepped back, I heard a loud call, calling my name for the first time, "I've seen it all. . . . . . . . "

 

The whole thing was not heard, the car honked and vanished into thin air, taking all my desires with its own smoke.

 I really didn't know that I will never hear that ever touching right like this again. I used to sing that one name and one word all day long with my school friends and how many songs satirically matching my own situation, I used to sing by that window or in one of those fields. Today they have all turned into jokes and mockery.

So many times I went to her after school but I was not successful. This is how my love story was supposed to end. One thing she gave me still stands out to me, a small piece of paper as a reminder of her eternal touch and the last time we saw each other in person.

 One thing I just recalled, I wrote my name with my and also expressing my heartiest feelings that I was unable to speak infront of her and put it in a small casket and buried it in the ground, with the thought that this memory may go beyond the scope of forgetting or losing, and will remain as a sign of guilt forever. After that, the bigger I met her, was really unnecessary, and after a time when I realized that this life may have been written by God on someone else's floor, and this love was only meant to be a memory and cherished in some self care sectors of the mind.

 Even now, when friends joke, there is real happiness and sadness, and maybe there is a smile on the face, but in my heart, maybe I shed tears on the tomb of that unspeakable, unremembered love. Let it be a memory.