Female Police Inspector…

Female Police Inspector… My mother was saying irritably – daughter, no you should not fill this form of police recruitment. You look for some other job. Your father is no more. I can't take any more risks. 

I asked - Mother in this job, what's the point of your teasing and taking risks? 

Mother said - you understand daughter, a girl does not have enough power to face dangerous goons, miscreants. Leave the police work to the young boys. You search for a clerical job in some office like your brother. 

I started thinking silently, now it is 20 days from the last date to apply. In so many days, I will somehow convince my mother for the job of police inspector. 

In the manifest, I kept the form aside and said - Mother, it is fine, if you say then I will not make this application. 

That day the talk had come and gone. 

After that, I was trying to find the reasoning to convince my mother to take up the job of Inspector and make her ready for it. Since the death of our father two years ago, I slept with my mother. Before sleeping on the fourth night, the mother asked herself - daughter, you have been seeing me inappropriate for a few days, do you have any problem?

Seeing this as an opportune time to persuade my mother, I said - Mother, now I do not like to sit at home empty-handed. I can't even find a good job. 

Mother said - daughter, if you do agree, then we have some good proposals. Out of those whom you want, I will get you married. Then you will not be empty. 

Now I took this as the right opportunity and said - Mother, if I had become a police inspector, I could have got even better proposals than these. 

Saying this I fell silent with a deliberate look of sadness on my face. 

Seeing me sad, my mother's love took her under his influence. Mother sat on the bed and took my head in her lap. Then while explaining said - 

Daughter, look! your father is no more, now the entire responsibility of you all my children is on me. I consider any police job as dangerous for a girl, even for a boy. You do not know how wicked criminals are. God forbid you try to control them by being an inspector, if something happens to you, your father's soul will never forgive me.    

I said - mother, you do not understand that by being me an inspector, the danger on me will be less than that of a normal girl. 

Mother repeated again and said - but where is the power in the daughter girl who can compete with the ill-wishers? 

I have now said my earlier thought - Mother, the glory of the police dress is more useful in controlling the criminals than one's power. You see, everyone is afraid of the cops getting even older than 50-55 years old or not? Criminals commit any crime but avoid attacking the cops. Because they have to face very bad consequences for any such attempt. Then the police deal with them very badly. Everyone is scared of getting into trouble with the police. 

Maybe my mother understood something, she said - okay if you want, then put the form, anyway all the girls who apply are not selected. 

I understood that my mother, after I applied, would like in her heart that I should not get selected. Still, I did not consider it proper, to miss this consent of the mother. Emphasizing my point, I had said - Mother, if I become a cop, then not only me but our entire family will be more secure. We will also become dominant in the neighbourhood. 

Mother said, filled with affection, - Come on, you laugh now, I do not like your sadness. 

I laughed, then mom pulled me up and patted me like she used to put me to sleep in my childhood. 

The next day I submitted the application. About three months after that, in the final phase of selection for the post of Police Inspector, I was giving an interview in front of the committee. 

I was asked - as a girl, do you believe in yourself to be strong enough to arrest the dreaded criminals?

This question was simple for me. I answered this by remembering what I said to my mother - Sir, yes! The police inspector's costume will give me the confidence that I will be able to send every dreaded criminal behind the bars with the glory and power of this costume. 

Next question was asked to me - many people don't play with the dignity of this costume, what is your view on this?

I said - I do not say that of others, I say my own that I will never let the dignity of the police dress diminish from my side. 

Subsequent questions remained a formality. I got the selection letter. 

My mother seemed more worried than happy that day. While I was full of confidence. I had brought Boondi ladoos to feed everyone, I had forcefully fed four to my mother. 

Later I completed the training. Thereafter, in the service of more than three years, I also got the Police Medal by showing devotion to duty. By now my mother had forgotten that she was once afraid of me taking up a police job. Over the years my confidence and courage had grown even more. 

Last night we got information from the informer that illegal smuggling is going to be done in our police station area by some or the other vehicle. At night's vigil, my other inspector companions were also willing to go, but in my enthusiasm I refused them. 

I had reached this duty alone. In the night, I checked many trucks and other goods vehicles, by stopping them. I didn't find anything suspicious in them. I was somewhat bored and some tired of not being able to find anything. Then around 3 in the morning I saw the headlight of a vehicle coming from the front. Seeing this, I was alert and stood in the middle of the road. I waved my hand and signalled to stop the vehicle. I think the driver had slowed down. I was convinced that the vehicle was going to stop. 

Instead of stopping (the vehicle), abruptly it accelerated. I understood that the driver was preparing to trample me under the vehicle and run away. I jumped to one side to escape. Then the vehicle had also come in my direction. I could not save myself from falling prey to it. 

First the front wheel, and then the last two wheels, had gone over my upper torso. For a moment I felt intense pain. I was reminded of my mother's saying - 'You understand daughter, a girl does not have enough power to face dangerous goons, miscreants.'  

I felt that I was screaming with pain, my whole body was trembling with pain. Then I was not aware. 

Now I found myself free from the body, in a huge building. I could see through my eye of knowledge, there was a huge screen which a scene was visible - my dead body was in the deep freezer. Clinging to which, my mother was crying bitterly. While moaning, she was saying - Daughter, you have done your own stubbornness, now see how bad you are doing. Your father was gone, now you have also left me. You didn't even think how I would be able to explain this to your father, he had left your responsibility on me after himself. 

Seeing this mourning of mother's heart, I was thinking that if I had eyes, tears would be flowing from them, if I had mouth, voices of lamentation would be coming out of it and my face would have been torn with a feeling of pain. It seemed to have happened. It was my soul in which the only feeling was left. There was no medium of expression. 

In my realisation I was complaining to God - my God, had you truly been mine, you would have been sympathetic to my mother's condition, you do not leave me to die like this. 

I felt as if my complaint had reached God. I was feeling as if God is saying - the world is seeing your death but in my plan, I am going to give you a promotion. I am going to give you a new life. Which will be much better than this past life of yours. 

I was thinking again - God why do you get a good person killed like this at the hands of a bad person? Do you support the wicked?

I realised again as God is telling - I do not make anyone evil. Those who attain life become evil. I punish them first in that world. Then in their next many lives, I punish them by torture. 

I started thinking again - my God! Why have you inculcated this evil kind of tendency in the creatures?

Now I feel like God is saying - I have to maintain this creation for eternity. Although I expect gentleness from living beings, yet why some gentlemen and why some have evil tendencies, the answer will remain a mystery to you beings for eternity as well.    

I had understood this much only then I felt that I was driven out of that huge building at a rapid speed. Then I found myself in a small dark place. Maybe it was a mother's womb. Within a few moments, my intellect and perception seemed to have become very small and I had forgotten all the past…. 

(A story written by me in Hindi and translated into English)