Fathership

Manny and Kam.

Hey there, my name? Well, she calls me 'KAM'. She writes to me about the things she's most vulnerable about and writes occasionally. As strong as manny is, she never lets her vulnerable side out in front of anyone but me. She's social and shares things with her friends but has never shared her most vulnerable insecurity about her father with anyone and the fact that she writes to me occasionally, I'm the only diary she has from years together.

I still remember on 20 June 2010, when her father gave me to her as a gift, she wrote to me for the first time,

'Hello, Abu gifted me this diary today.

I asked him to get me someone to play with, not mamma, I want to play with children. Whatever I ask Abu to get me, he gets it for me. Then why isn't he getting me a brother or a sister to play with? And he'll be leaving for his duties soon, I'll be more alone then. He gave me this diary and said write in it whatever you feel. But how will it help? Diary isn't going to play with me! Abu always does this, he always leaves me alone .'

And then she closed me up with a 'thud'.

I recall on 13 march 20 she wrote,

'Hi, you know what, we studied about diary entry today, the teacher said a diary is like our friend and my classmates have named their diaries, I thought about it in school the whole time, I came up with a name, so from today, you are 'KAM'. '

And that's how I was named, I liked my name though.

Another time on 16 July 2014, she was very upset and wrote,

'Hi Kam, I am very sad today, we had a parent-teacher meeting and results in today, my marks are good, every teacher appreciated me, it felt good. Mamma was proud too and pampered me, but I saw one of my friends there with low grades and no one appreciated her and she felt bad about her marks and her father hugged her and said to her that it was ok and he believed in her that she could do much better. I talked to Abu on phone, he was very happy and told me that he was proud and loved me but he isn't here with me, he never is. He is always busy with his work, I am not important to him, he just cares about his work, not me. Should I get fewer grades too Kam? Do you think he'll come and hug and pamper me like my friend's father did today? I told Abu on the phone that I wanted him here with me, he said what he always does that he is sorry and can't leave work and he is there for me always.'

Being a single child manny always felt a void and thought that her parents are responsible for it and thought that she should be getting more attention being the only child but her father always neglected her for his work.

Once I remember on 25 Dec 2015, she wrote,

'Hey Kam, it's winter vacations going on and I'm really bored. Abu isn't here with me like always, I know his work is important and he earns for us but you know money couldn't buy someone who would listen to what happened in school, whom I'm friends with, how my favourite teacher pampered me. I want my father to take me to the spring parks drive to off roads, play badminton with me as I don't have a sibling to even play with. I hate when I ask for my father and instead of that I have to get along with some driver or uncle. I want him to hear that being a single child sucks, bring someone whom I can call my sibling.'

With passing time, manny's perspective about her father started to change gradually,

As on her 7th class results 1 November 2016, she wrote,

'Hey Kam, mamma is really disappointed with my results, I have got really low grades this time, all the teachers told me that they didn't expect such poor performance from me. I was terrified and didn't want to call Abu, but mamma called him and told him about the results. But to my surprise Abu reacted in a sober way, he understood me and told me that it was okay and he believes that I could do better. Abu made me feel better and confident about myself. He told me that he will call me in the evenings and talk to me. I feel good now.'

Time passed and the evening calls became frequent, on 16 June 2017 she wrote,

'Hey there Kam, Abu was here for a week and now he's gone again, but it's different now you know, he called me when he arrived and told me that he'll call me in the evenings again. It feels good now, I love to talk to him on those evening calls, he listens to every detail I tell him and he never makes me feel like whatever I say to him is unimportant. He's the calmest father I have known, much less strict than my friends' fathers, he's my mentor and my magician who gives me enough confidence and support to come out of any difficulty I face. You know what Kam, I'm a daddy's girl now, I flex my bond with my father and sometimes it even makes mamma jealous hehe.'

Things have changed now, but somewhere deep manny still thought that his father cared about his work more than he cared about her,

Until on 25 March 2018 when she wrote,

'Hi Kam, it's my birthday tomorrow, mamma and my cousins have planned everything but Abu isn't here this time too, he had promised me that he'll be here with me on this birthday but he's not, he always puts his work before me.'

And then on 26 March 2018, it was her birthday and when she wrote, I could sense her overwhelmed feeling, what was it? As she wrote,

'Hey there Kam, it's my birthday. Yesterday I was so upset about Abu not being with me here on my birthday as he was away for 6 months now and I complained a lot about his job. But you know what happened today, I was in my bed and there was a quick swift at the door, I thought it's mamma and with my eyes closed, I put my blanket up to my head and shouted, "it's my birthday and a Sunday, let me sleep today mamma". Suddenly someone snatched the blanket away in one jerk and I opened my eyes with frustration but that frustration turned into overwhelming happiness when I saw Abu smiling at me. He hugged me, pampered me and then I told him that I miss him and I want him to be with me all the time and with immense calmness, he made me understand the importance of his work, money and responsibilities. Abu left the room and asked me to get fresh meanwhile he'll be waiting for me at the dining table, I nodded and stayed there for some time and thought about everything that Abu said about his work and I understood the importance of it and I realised that I was always his top priority and it was not only me who missed him, he must be longing for me too but he stays away from me and mamma to earn and it's all for us. Then I went to the dining table and sat beside him and it felt special how he treated me still as a kid, saying yes to everything I say, agreeing to whatsoever I say. He loves me, Kam.'

Well everything manny writes in me is special to me but today she wrote something extraordinary that she never did till today, that's what made me go through the journey of her being a daddy's girl and from complaining about being a single child to enjoying her own company and loving it.

As of today, 20 June 2021, she wrote a message for her father 'Maybe I may have not told you that you are the world's best father I love you the most, thanks for believing in me in my ups and downs. Your positivity is the reason I want to go ahead. I want you to be like that forever because undoubtedly in the whole world you the only backup I feel I have.

Happy father's day Abu!'1