Echoes of past-The story of Young Girl "Kalyani"

The life Kalyani

My self, Kalyani and I use the pen name of Kelly Naira to publish my stories and I want to share a story that happened in my life that led me to be a feminist writer and a strong woman.

I was born on 8 July 2002 in a small village called Jayanthi exactly not the place, but my home is near that village, but we used to live near my fields as a joint family. My parents were very poor being in an excellent reputed joint family. I don't know much about my grandparents or how they made my parent's life uncertain. 

When my mom had a first girl in the year 2001 who is my elder sister Pavithra they were OK to have a girl but later they didn't want a girl child in because of poverty and they always wanted a boy. God wrote my name in their children list right after my sister's birth My mom was pregnant again it was me this time, She always doubted that this time also it was going to be a girl child so did not want to and did several crazy things to let me go to heaven being in the womb but God is powerful because he made me a strong girl in her womb so I was born successfully but my mom didn't want me because I'm a second girl child and my grandma planned to kill me also but it was my Dad who fought for me at that time when everyone is surprised outside the hospital knowing that I'm a girl which they didn't want to listen. It was the first thing in my life that made me a bit sad knowing that I was an unwanted child for my parents. But as I grew up with them my mom gave all her love to me along with my two siblings and she was never biased on us in showing her love because she loved in the way she loved the other 2 kids of hers.

As I was growing I became a knotty kid who skipped school just because my teacher used to beat me however after getting beaten up by mom I was regular to my primary school but as I thought it wasn't an easy life.

My Dad used to drink alcohol and cared very little about the future which always led to big fights in the home for which my Dad's mom and dad blinded their ears to not care about them as they care for their other kids. I still remember helping my mom one day to pluck the Bamboo leaves for her to do suicide attempt I didn't how dangerous they can be at that young age so when my mom plucking the leaves I asked her what would they help her for she smiled at me and I thought she is gonna prepare some curry after that I went back with her and helped her to make it paste in a traditional wet grinder which is made with rock because at that time there is no grinder or mixies after that she asked me to bring a glass of water and then I have helped with that also and she dranked all of it while I'm asking her to leave a bit for me for which she didn't left even a drop after minutes later a big discussion kind of arguement to fight happened in the presence of my moms maternal family and paternal family where it was disclosed she drank that Bamboo leaves it is poisnonous like synade and they have taken her to hospital when im getting to my senses that I was the one who helped her and crying out loud looking at my moms desperate situation. This one incident I could never forget because if they were not on time to the hospital today I might not have an idea what my sibling's situation would be without my mom.

It was not an end to my family's struggles, Later few years when my dad didn't change after seeing so many things in the family she decided to leave him and go to somewhere to at least feed us by earning a bit which they lost in agriculture. She left three of us with her maternal family whom I call my grandpa and grandma who are my second parents for me and my siblings.

At a very young age, my mom left us and came to Bangalore with her brother for money to feed us thankfully my Dad came after her realising his mistake and he decided to be in Bangalore and do some work. But the hardest thing for me was being away from them I always thought Mom and Dad abandoned us but I did not realise that they were struggling very hard eating two times a day working, till late at night using all their energy on doing OT to earn a bit extra income which may help to pay our school fee. When I was about to get to my high school they joined us in a private school realising how important education is for us. But my poor mind couldn't understand any of this and could not be a good student. I always got lower marks and got bullied by my own classmates because my dressing wasn't that good and I was poor at that age I did not know much about it. All the time I felt my school friends were the only best friends for me until I realised they never saw me as their best friend. I wasted a lot of time reading those romantic novels and thought about getting married after college having kids and completing my life there. But life wanted to teach me something and awaken me from the inside. There are days when I have seen my own family people talking bad about my parents for being poor and at the same, my grandpa and grandma said that sometimes I remember going up of the home by climbing it holding the brick pieces and crying there because it is doesn't have any stairs so grandpa or grandma will not come there to see me crying because it was a semi-finished home built with bricks not furnished at the hall and it is a single room where we can stay safe from rain or sunlight.

Years passed in that poverty I spent several nights crying for my parents wanting them closer and I lost the child in the growing stage.

I completed my school by God's grace somehow and successfully got into college with a thought to complete college and get married to a guy just like the stories I read in books.

But fate turned them down because I had an elder sister before she got married so with a lot of force on her they made her agree to marriage and the guy is my own Dad sister's son. I'm eagerly saying inside myself to get married when in my first year of college. Finally, she got married and went with him and that is when the real loneliness hit me hard I had no one to share my feelings and I cried for her and I missed her a lot. But somehow writing kept me the kind of person who wasn't lost completely. Even though I didn't know how much I was into writing still I started it as a habit in school continued in my college days and completed my first story when I was in 1st puc but hadn't published it yet.

After that even though I felt alone I was reading and writing and thought my sister would be happy with her husband. After few days before her birthday, she came back and I have seen an unfamiliar sister in her because she was like my mother who took very good care of me but that time I felt something was wrong and a kind of big thing happened because my sis doesn't want to have sex with him but I thought it's common because she was unlike someone who doesn't know anything about romance like me because she won't read stories or novels. So I thought it was common but the most uncommon thing is also that only after she left there were not many calls from her and I was always waiting for her to call holding the small keypad phone for several days. After a few months she came to my home on an occasion without her husband and in my bedroom a space I created she told me how insane her relationship was and how abusive he was and she also told me he locked her in the home for 3 days and doubts a lot about her. Everything she told me pin by pin about him where my tears are flowing without knowing I'm crying seeing her devastated situation and that moment was the eye-opening day of my fantasy about marriage. Even after she left I cried several nights thinking about every day how she was. is she safe? whenever some discussion came into my home my grandparents complained to her that now she is married and forgotten about us I cried inside thinking that her husband didn't let her have a mobile and didn't give his mobile to talk with us.

Months passed and when I was in my second year I didn't want to be the same idiot I was in my first where I scored significantly less percentage and then I studied very hard separating myself from all other things and got good points but still I couldn't imagine how my sister was and I did not have the courage to tell my parents to.

But a few months later she became pregnant and at first, my parents didn't want to carry a baby being young but the hypocritic family of her in-laws wanted a baby so no other option was there. This is the blessing she got from being young and when she came back to my home my mom got to know many things by that time I was in my graduation and really wanted to help my sister to get out of the hell from him and pray to god every night to help my sister. 

Thanks to god I got the courage to and told my mom about it my mom also said she knew about him and his abusiveness and just thinking about society to take a step and I still remember that discussion where I told my mom I don't want my sister to go back into hell and told mom if she wants to not go I would take her to stand even if it is against to all of you I would go with her. Later my sister told me she didn't want to go back and after a little angel came into her life to save her and after her birth, I remember that guy didn't even take that baby into his hands and left her till today he did not come back for my sister. All this happened during my graduation when COVID hit India where I spent a lot of time realising how scary a life could turn seeing my sister and going through those childhood traumas I worked on myself to develop skillsets to get the job and help my mom and Dad where all my classmates enjoying their time.

Yes, today with my sis and my niece and brother along with my parents living happily in Bangalore. We three are working and my dad and my mom is taking care of my niece who is 3 and a half years old now we do not care what society will think of her and judge my family. All we want is the smile on my sister's face and a bright future for my niece.

This a story of mine from being a naive young girl who was thinking about getting married and living her life to a girl who became a feminist writer and published her first story on Pratilipi working as a Digital Marketer, started her own business and a co-founder of another business. This is my story and my childhood trauma which made me a strong woman being a 21-year-old girl.