dear mom (superhero)

i remember the joyous days we spent together , years agoit must have been many years into your illness , but the scars of your struggle are now starting to showfor the first time in the years you and i didn’t met with a happy welcome for the first time in so many years there was no childish excitement to waitfor the first time in so many years, there were no joyous days, because no matter what you ate or do, at that point of time your head would spin, and you cry to get well, it felt sad to appreciate your struggle and liveliness so quietly, the next day, i came back so the first thing i did was sprint up the steps to your bedroom door, i imagined you would be standing there to hug me , so i excitedly opened the door, but as i entered your room i felt this quiet impending feeling of gloom, one experience in the countless hospital trips that conditioned you and i to feel nothing but the doom.i saw you laying on the bed with blanket covering your body except the face,and the rush of the blood to my head said something’s wrong, i knew this time too you wanted to hug me tight, and tell all about what went so bad , i could feel my hands shaking i felt the inside of the head, throb and ache i was about to break. i called out your name and then suddenly i heard mine in return , a sigh of relief, as i went close , i saw you laying with swollen eyes, with tears so dried , but holding yourself calmly you replied, trying to maintain this fine line between what happened and again, with million thoughts in my head, you just looked at me. and you smiled saying mera bacha aagya , typical view , every time you knew there was a tention that couldn’t dilute, you flashed a smile adorably cute hoping that i would forget , i almost did.you smiled once again, and then you spoke in words i wish i could put together in a quote and show the entire world how you see the world with so much of hope.you told me how it felt like to be a burden on the days hovered between the bad and the worse , you felt like an absolute curse that just refuse to go away.you told me what if felt when you needed someone to walk 2 meters a less and you feel absolutely helpless, every single day.but that day, it hurts my heart to see that you smiled with grief , even if it meant falling to your knees, but you did it all by yourself. i didn’t know whether to smile or cry, but the things you said were like invisible forces, pulling me from both sides , i heed you up, put your back to the bed, you were smiling, but your eyes were red, i tried to give you this hug, one that you have mastered over the years, one that gave my tears to change into something else.if only i knew how much i miss those joyous memories even today, years later i appreciate and hope to see your struggle end soon, but now with silence and the quiet sound of typing of the alphabets on this notepad, and an empty realisation that things could have been so much better far out what i have found. today i wish i could borrow your pain, i wish i could appreciate your struggle strongly not crying in front ofyou. any ways its not about my wishes but about how difficult it is to see you like this with so much in my heart but nothing i can say. i wish i could find the words to define my feelings with the beauty that was half as perfect as you are. i keep all the reasons you taught me to think about happiness of our own. i keep loving you and i will, even in your darkest days. 

love, your daughter.