Crossroads

‘Bhaiyya, station chalo’ (I asked the Auto driver to take me to the railway station.)

It was 9.25 pm, I better not get late. I hope I find the right platform, as Dadar station is so confusing. I seemed to have a perennial problem with directions and easily losing my way and would find it challenging to reach the right place in one go. Thankfully, I could sleep during the day so that I can stay awake during my journey!

***

‘If-you-choose-to-move-out-of-this-marriage,-then-I’m-telling-you-that-you-have-no-place-in-this-house.’

His words kept ringing in my ears. A sudden deafening silence stopped everything for me. I’d been trying to focus on whatever I was doing, to the best of my efforts, but whatever little empty space that came through in my life, his words continued to haunt me, provoking me to take action. How could a father say that to his own daughter, to make it worse, in the presence of her so called ‘in-laws’? Oh, how could he!

***

‘Madam, bees rupaye.’ (Madam, the fare is Rs. 20/-.)

His words brought me to senses. I quickly paid him & took my luggage to the platform indicator. Borivli railway station still overflowed with people even at that hour. I bought a ticket to Dadar and boarded the 9.50 pm Churchgate Slow train.

‘Dadar rukegi ye?’ (Will this train halt at Dadar station?)

A middle-aged lady got into the train along with a small girl. Something about the expression on her face told me that she wasn’t fully part of the journey then. Am I seeing trouble on everyone’s faces only because I am... Oh, will you just stop it..?

‘Haan slow hai.’ (Yes, this is a slow train.)

‘Mamma, I’m hungry, can you give me some grapes that we’re carrying?’

‘Hmm, don’t you drop any of these n eat what you can now. I’m not opening the bag 100 times.’

The careless way in which the girl’s mom had dressed gave away that she had travelled in a hurry not bothering to check an old faded dress which had once seen brighter days. Her hair was ruffled with the wind and she had a beautiful dimpled chin. Her daughter’s bright brown eyes looked forlorn and fearful after listening to her mother’s instructions.

‘I wanna sit at the window and watch the buildings running backwards, right now. Mamma, are you listeni..’

‘Oh shut up, will you? Listen girl, I don’t feel like doing anything as of now, I’m in no mood for your tantrums. Please don’t trouble me now.’

The little girl looked at me and looked away. Her eyes welled with tears, I’d seen them, but she tried her best to hide them.

I called her to sit at the window on my side. The girl quickly came over and sat on my lap.

Contemplating whether to strike a dialogue with her or not, I asked her, ‘What’s your name?’

‘Riya Nair.’

I offered her a biscuit. She happily took it and nibbled at it. She looked a girl of about 5 years. Her hair was neatly done and her frock, a bright red and white with floral print looked pretty with a matching red pin in her hair. I liked her at once, especially her bright brown eyes. They seemed to be talking to me as if trying to narrate her story. We sat in silence as the stations sped fast and soon my station was nearing.

‘Riya, I have to get off at the next station. Bye!’

‘Bye bye Aunty.’

***

I headed towards the platform where Konkan Kanya train was to arrive. The train was to halt only for 2 minutes and it was past 11 pm already. I was panting by the time I reached the right platform. I still had about 2 minutes to find my compartment. The train was already there.

‘A2 19 LB kahan hai?’ (Where is compartment A2 19 LB?)

‘Boggie number…?’

Oh God, I missed what the TC (Ticket Collector) had said. I just got into the train from wherever I was and checked for the seat numbers. I had to pass a whole compartment to find my seat. Uff! Finally, here it was! I dropped myself sighing a great relief at 19 LB after adjusting my luggage.

‘Ticket, ticket, show your tickets please.’

The TC (Ticket Collector) checked my ticket along with the others around me.

‘Madgaon kitne baje aayega? (What time will Madgaon arrive?)

‘Subah 10 baje.’ (At 10 am.)

‘Aunty!’

I turned around to find little Riya smiling at me. I smiled back. The TC (Ticket Collector) was directing her towards my compartment.

‘Yay! We’ve got our seats next to Aunty!’ Riya screamed with joy while her mother looked around at every seat.

I was relieved to hear that. At least, there’s someone to keep company with.

‘Where’s 20, 21 LB?’

‘Oh! That’s right next to my seat.’

‘Where are you getting down?’

‘Thivim, we’re going there.’

‘Riya, are you going to eat or do you wanna sleep right away?’

The train moved just then, and little Riya almost dropped herself on my lap.

‘Careful, Riya! Sorry about that, she’s a bit too much!’ Her mother apologized.

‘No no, it’s perfectly alright, don’t bother.’

‘Hi, I’m Gauri Sawant.’ I introduced myself as I extended my hand to greet the lady, who was probably the little girl’s mother.

‘Hi, I’m Riya’s mother, Vaishali Krishnan. We’re going home, my husband’s family lives in Thivim.’

‘I’m travelling to Madgaon for work. I have been working as a Software Consultant for the last 10 years’, I replied. Did she say Vaishali? She looked like Vaishali Sundaram, from my school, my best friend, but how could she come here? Maybe, I’m trying to connect too many possibilities all together.

‘Wait a minute, are you Vaishali Sundaram from St. John’s School, Borivli?’ I couldn’t stop myself from asking her.

‘Yyess, but who are you? Sorry I just can’t recollect.’

‘Hey, Vaishali, what a pleasant surprise! Didn’t you recognize me, it’s me, Gauri Oak, we sat together on the last bench from Class 5 to 10. Do you remember now?’

‘Wwhaat? Oh my God! I was in my own wor... No sorry, I just couldn’t… Ah! It’s been so long now.. I don’t remember when was it that we’d last seen each other.’

‘Yeah, it’s ok, when you said Vaishali, something told me that ‘Vaishali’ would be ‘you’ only & no one else. So how have you been? How is everyone at home?’

‘Yes, all are fine. What about you?’

Little did I know that my excitement would invite further questions that I didn’t really want to answer. What do I tell her that I had a dying marriage and my parents had given up on me and had asked me to choose between my almost broken marriage or live on my own? If I could only keep my mouth shut and mind my own business!

‘Yes, everyone fine at my place too.’ I smiled to add some effect hoping that it sounded real.

‘Do you still live near the school?’

‘No Vaishali, we’d to move as our house was going for re-development. I do miss seeing the school every day.’

‘Do you remember how we stole moments in the class solving crazy puzzles? At times, writing lyrics of famous songs or just playing cross and zero.’

‘Oh yes! How can I forget those wonderful times?’

Riya had fallen asleep resting her head on my lap, snugly holding the end of my dress in her cute little hands.

‘Let’s take turns to sleep. I’ve taken enough rest at home today, so you sleep first. You look tired.’ I looked at Vaishali’s tired eyes. She had a complete family, while mine was disappearing.

‘Yes, thanks for saying that! I am dead tired today.’ Vaishali sighed with relief and climbed the middle berth and slept almost immediately. When was the last that she had taken a look at her appearance? She had not changed since school days. I remember her plunging herself with full concentration into solving Maths and explaining it to me; or learning Marathi which she had to really struggle with then.

Vaishali may have had her own problems, but she did really look happy to have met me today. What about me? Yeah, I had been searching for her for the last so many years but now..? What would she say if she got to know that very soon, I may choose to be on my own? Would she then acknowledge someone like me, with my status changed to a d-i-v-o-r…..?

‘If-you-choose-to-move-out-of-this-marriage,-then-I’m-telling-you-that-you-have-no-place-in-this-house.’ Oh no! Not again.

But when will I think about what I want to do about my failing marriage? I know, I know, you don’t need to keep reminding me all the time.

Of all the people in my life, my father, my dad, whom I care about the most in the whole world, had to tell me that? How could he disown me? Had he told me this when we were alone, I would’ve still tolerated it, but he, he said all that he did in the presence of my ‘in-laws’, who after hearing that, would only be more and more cruel to me.

My in-laws resembled the movie ‘villains’, the ones who were only meant to ill-treat their daughter-in-law and wanted all her money. I had never seen such parents in real life ever. They wanted the girl to be their maid, who didn’t have a voice of her own, who did whatever was told to her undeniably from giving her hard-earned money to cooking day and night for them, ate whatever was thrown in her plate, gave them a heir (strictly a male child) and last but not the least, performed her role in the bedroom to keep their son satisfied.

Enough! No more of this nonsense. I can’t take it anymore. Can you afford to live alone? Forget affording it, do you have the courage to live alone? No, you DON’t, you know it very well. But you want to be adamant and pig-headed. Just stop it, will you? Not one more word on this..

‘You must take rest; I’ve slept for long now.’

It was 2 am. Vaishali allowed me to rest for a while. We’d crossed Panvel and were heading towards Madgaon. ‘Rest’, I only wished if I could.

***

Gauri looks so happy & content with herself. If only I had a job of my own. It would’ve changed so many decisions in life. Uff! Vaishali brushed aside the on-going chaos in her mind.

***

‘Capeee, garam garam capeee!’ (Coffee, serving hot coffee!)

Have I missed my station? Oh no! Where am I?

‘Hey Vaishali! Where have we reached?’ I woke up with sleepy eyes and a strained back.

‘Don’t worry, it’s 7.40 am now, we’ve reached Sindhudurg. There’s some time now. You freshen up.’

I freshened up and we sipped fresh coffee together, packed and waited for our respective destinations to arrive. Finally, Thivim was arriving.

‘This is my cell number, do call me when you have time. Drop by to Thivim on your way back. Just give me a call.’

‘Bye Riya! Sure Vaishali, I will.’

‘This time, I’m going to my husband’s house for good after 4 long years. There’s no turning back now, and that’s exactly the problem.’ Vaishali spoke in a choked voice and alighted the train.

What did she say, did I hear it c-o-r-r-e-c-t-l-y? Wait a minute… did it mean that she had also taken a drastic step like me… ?

‘If-you-choose-to-move-out-of-this-marriage,-then-I’m-telling-you-that-you-have-no-place-in-this-house.’ The haunting words kept ringing in my ears all over again.

I smiled back and waved at them. Their figures faded away as the train left the station. We stood exactly at crossroads where our paths met.