Balcony

On Sunday, the news of the untimely demise of a bright and talented actor left everyone in a state of shock. The 34-year-old actor was found hanging at his residence in Mumbai's Bandra. What a tragic loss. I felt a knot in my stomach. 

Words too had abandoned me in the mid of that starry night. The sky with perfect black and gold embroidery looked nothing less than a Sabyasachi sari. The ice-cold breeze licked my face just the way I did to my wounds. Perhaps it was the rum that has bought my body horizontal to the bedding, yet my head was aiming for the stars. 

2 years back this journey I embarked on had my heart for so many reasons. The most important one was I wanted to find me, meet a different version of me. So, what could have possibly stopped me? With luggage on my back and dreams in my chest, I came to this city. If not magnificent, the start was not that louse either. Slowly and steadily life was taking turns as per the course.

And then one fine day, I felt this is the one. I found my wings. Never before, I had experienced anything like this. People rave about it. 

After a couple of months, I realized this is ruining me. Earning and losing had lost its count. When breaking the cycle of bad habits become harder than the heartbreak, the fuck upstarts. The worst of all was to face me. Standing in front of the mirror, I dared to ask me, "what did I come here for? ". The answer choked me up.

I kept hiding from myself until that starry night when  I found myself on the edge of 5^th floor balcony. I found myself lying on the ground with broken bones , drenched  in the pool of blood surrounded by people anticipating the cause.Without an iota of doubt  I knew my family loves me.. I mean a world to them. I saw them  right in front of my eyes especially my father. I could not bear him crying.   

The next moment I stepped back from the balcony slowly and carefully   tracing my way back to my bedding, obeyed gravity and laid down under the sky.With my soaring head between my hands , I woke up in the balcony to the sound of birds and the breeze caressing my cheeks. Took a quick scan of my surrounding to  stimulate a perception that would  ignite the memory to trace back to what I did last night . Horrified, I ran towards the door of my room and slammed it on the face of past forever. 

Fortunately I did .. some couldn't.