All That I Hadn't Known

The familiar streaks of light gleamed on my eyes, all bright and warm. A deep chuckle reverberated through the room, as I heard that familiar creak of the bed. I know, you just got out of the bed to pull those blinds down. I know, you remembered how lazy I would become when it came to leave the bed just for those blinds. And I know, I would be embracing the warmth in a bit that you left for me on your side of the bed. But all I hadn't known was that, the warmth would no longer exist and the bed would be nothing but cold.

I stood on my heels, trying to grab a hold of the jar resting in the cabinet. I know, within a minute or so your arms would snake around me and lift me up. I know, you would throw your head back in laughter while my cheeks flushed with redness. I know, you would take the jar from my hands and ask me to sit down while you made the morning coffee for us. And I know, you would purposely make the slurping sound only to make me laugh while I sipped my coffee. But all I hadn't known was that, your arms would no longer lift me up and that coffee jar wouldn't rest anymore in the kitchen cabinet.

I rested my back against the red recliner in the balcony, endeavoring to gaze at the beauty of the translucent sky without sparing a fleeting glance at the broken wind chimes lying in the corner. I know, you would just walk in here with a towel draped around your neck and with water dripping off your freshly washed hair. I know, you would discard those broken chimes and promise to get another one of the same color because you knew I loved that burgundy one. But all I hadn't known was that, you would no longer walk in here and the broken chimes would never leave those dusty corners.

I took a book out of the shelf, attempting my best to delve into its words without coming across the alphabets that had formed your name. I glanced at the study table and I know it. I know, you would snatch the book from my hands and sit at the top of the table, with your feet dangling in the air. I know, you would take a serious look at the cover and then start laughing. I know, you would then stare at the photo frame of us hanging beside the table and start smiling. But all I hadn't known was that, you would no longer snatch those books away from me and that wall beside the table would lay barren with its plaster coming off.

I sauntered around the hall, twirling the remote in my hands. I know, the moment I turned the television on, you would pounce on me, imprisoning me in the cage of your arms and take full control of the television only to annoy the soul out of me. I know, I would let you binge on your favorite series while I snuggled up in your chest. I know, you would be running your fingers along my hair and pressing your lips gently on my hair. But all I hadn't known was that, the snuggles and kisses would no longer occur and the screen in front of me would remain stubbornly black with its remote thrown away somehwere on the floor.

I stared hard at the wall clock. It was past midnight. I looked in the direction of the kitchen and saw nothing but the looming shadows of the past. I know, the growl of my stomach would have you sprinting towards that direction. I know, you would give me a lopsided smirk and get on with your cooking skills while I sat at the countertop admiring you. I know, you would load the dishwasher while we chattered and I handed you the dishes, sometimes dropping a spoon or two only to pester you. But all I hadn't known was that, the dishes would no longer be used and the chatters wouldn't entertain the walls of the kitchen anymore. 

I sat at the bottom of the staircase, tapping my feet on the cold marble floor as I waited for sleep to settle a heaviness behind my lids. I glanced at the door, the front door that marked the entrance of the home that we had once built together. The same front door, that once had our initials engraved in its wood. I know, any moment you would put the key in the lock, twist the knob and open it. I know, you would rush through it, with sweat lacing your hairline and breaths rapid and ragged. And I know, then you would engulf me in your arms and grumble about your yet another boring day at work, and as usual I would laugh it off. But all I hadn't known was that, you would no longer rush through that wooden door and the initials of our names would fade away bit by bit, losing all its glam and glory.

I walked back to the room, feeling your presence all the way along the stairs.   

I was close to the threshold when you called out my name.

"Hey.. " you whispered and I know it was you. It could only be you. With my heart beating in my throat, and a once forgotten smile now blooming its way back on my lips I looked over my shoulder. There you were, leaning against the banister, looking at me with the smile that had once swelled my heart with love and my belly with butterflies. I know, once again it was you.

And I know, I was seconds away from closing the gap between us and running to reach out for you, I was seconds away from rushing into your arms, from making you mine again and from building us together again. But my love, all I hadn't known was that you were never there to reach out for in the first place. All I hadn't known was that, you would disappear the moment I took a step towards you. All I hadn't known was that, you would fade the moment I cried out your name. All I hadn't known was that, I would stand on this very threshold of the room that we once used to share and admire you, adorn you and love you, with every fiber of my being while you turned into that beautiful yet painful memory of the past. All I hadn't known was that I would end up blurring your image with the burning wails and whines. And all I hadn't known was that, you were gone, utterly and irretrievably gone.