The Ticking Bomb
The Ticking Bomb
I could hear it. I could hear that ticking sound, reverberating from those depths of my mind. The perpetual ticking sound kept banging loudly in my head, constantly making me aware of its existence, the existence that would soon wipe my continuation of living off the surface of this world. Another audible tap echoed, and once again I found myself standing across the reality of my life, and of the world that I claimed to be mine. This ticking sound was going to be the end of me, and there was nothing that I could do.
There was nothing that I could do to obliterate the existence of the ticking bomb, lying somewhere in the depths of the innumerous bundles of fibers inside my head. There was nothing left to do to erase the truth of the ticking bomb that was waiting to rend my world apart, that was waiting to explode and tear me apart from this world of mine. There was nothing to clutch onto anymore that would smash the ticking bomb before it finishes me off.
I twisted the doorknob, opening the door slightly when the ticking sound roared inside my skull, preventing me from overstepping the threshold of my home. What if the ticking bomb explodes this instant and devastates my world right in front of my bare eyes? Inhaling a deep breath, sucking in as much air as possible into those lungs of mine, I rushed through the door with my heart thumping rebelliously every time I took a step closer to the center of my world.
I stepped into the warmth of our room, your fragrance draped around me as I walked towards you. I lifted the duvets off you when a deep grumble resonated across the room. And there you were, the very breathing core around which my world revolved from the day you became mine. There you were, with a pillow over your head and arms dangling out of the bed. I drew the blinds apart, earning another grumble of annoyance from you. You sat upright, holding your arms out for me while I propped on my heels ready to rush into the tranquility of your arms. But, something caused me to waver and wobble - the ticking bomb ticked away again, halting me in my steps as it sent a wave of dizziness through me. I could see a tinge of black covering the small world of mine before my lids shut themselves tightly. I knew I would hit the cold marbled floor any moment from now, but there you were again. You, with uttermost swiftness, went around me, saving and shielding me with the confinements of your arms. But, for how long would you be able to save me from the claws of that ticking bomb living inside my head?
I saw the fear in your eyes, your arms tightening around me with every passing second. What if the bomb explodes while you held me in your arms? I entangled myself from you, pressing a slight peck on your lips before walking out of the room, unable to breathe under the weight of the fear of seeing my world crumbling right in front of me.
I padded along the stairs, holding the banister tightly as the constant ticking sound vibrated through me, sending ripples of dread to every nook of my soul. The smell of freshly brewed coffee hit my nostrils as a smile erupted on my lips. My arms went around you as you turned towards me to let your lips loiter on my forehead, and all the coldness that ever gripped me vanished into thin air. I basked in the warmth of yours when a voice whispered into my ears. "What if the bomb bursts while he imparts his warmth and love into the cold depths of your soul? " the voice murmured with malice dripping from each word. I looked up at your face, my heart now twisting with ache as I wrenched myself away from you. I could see the confusion painted across your face as I took the mug from your hand and taking a sip of its contents as if nothing happened. But, what could I have done, rather than pulling myself away from you before this ticking bomb rips you apart in pieces along with my own being?
I ran to the hall, trying to grab ahold of the remote before you when my lungs constricted, snatching my share of air. I slouched down onto the couch, unable to keep that steadfast ticking sound at a bay when you ran across me and held the remote triumphantly between your fingers. I smiled, with jagged breaths and sweats forming at the base of my hairline. I saw the victorious smile bleeding off your face and worry taking over you when you rushed towards me. You pulled me into your lap, rubbing circles soothingly on my back while I remained dumbfounded. What if the ticking bomb bursts while you rocked me back and forth to alleviate my pain? I held your face between my hands, trying to convince you that I was alright. But, you never broke your gaze from mine, perhaps you were trying to find the truth that laid beneath this blatant lie of mine. But, how could I tell you about the ceaseless ticking of the bomb breathing inside my head? How could I tell you that this beautiful world of ours was soon going to be crushed by my own hands?
I rested my head against the couch, while you watched your favorite series. You tried your best to look at me stealthily from the corner of your eyes, but I always caught you in doing so; while I did my best to evade you every time you insisted to pull me into your arms.
I ran my fingers along the stones of the ring resting dormant on my left finger while gazing at the stars twinkling lucidly. A cold breeze blew past me, sending shivers down my spine. Your arms went around my shoulders, shrouding me with your warmth. You hid your face in my hair, breathing softly as I leaned onto you. The moment you leaned your forehead onto mine, a stinging sensation spread across my eyelids. "What if the bomb stops ticking now and blasts while we stood here, under the open sky with our souls morphed into one? " - my mind queried. I found myself squirming from the very thought of it, and pushed you a bit away from me. "I'm cold..." I mumbled in a hushed tone, walking out of the balcony, and wincing at the way the ticking sound laughed at my fears.
I held the duvets close to my face, putting a fist over my mouth to refrain the yells and wails from breaking out of me. I pulled the covers over my ears, in an attempt to get rid of the loud ticking of the bomb inside my skull. I felt you inching towards me, holding me tight while I tried not to tremble and shudder from the fear of the explosion that might occur anytime. What if it blasts now, right when you would wish me good night? A strangled choke escaped my mouth, and I knew you would be worried again and I wouldn't be able to lie to you anymore. I got out of the bed, leaving you all befuddled in the bed.
I walked to the balcony again, searching the sky for any existence of the shining stars. But, there wasn't any of them to be seen, all there was the darkness of the night, but not any darker than the ticking bomb dwelling in the depths of my brain. The sky was painted dark, but not darker than the venom running in my veins. I sat on the floor, letting its coldness gnaw at my insides; "How do I tell him about the bomb that's going to shatter our world and rip us apart?" - I muttered to the darkness. I waited for the answer, I waited to hear anything apart from that constant ticking sound of the bomb - the constant remembrance of the tumor growing in my brain. But all I heard, was the ticking of the bomb right inside my own head.
Your footsteps broke the deafening silence, I brought my knees together as you sat down beside me. I felt the disastrous words forming in my mouth, but my lips remained static. You let out a heavy sigh through your mouth, and I could already feel the heat of your gaze burning holes into the side of my head. Your hands moved towards mine, and I knew it was now or never. "I'm dying... " I half-whispered, while your hands hung frozen in the air. "There's this invincible tumor growing in the vessels of my brain, and there's no way to destroy it. It's too late now. " - I blurted out, with eyes stinging with held back tears.
I lifted my eyes, attempting to steal a glance of you when a shooting pain arose somewhere from those innumerous bundles of fibers inside my head. And once again, I found myself struggling to breathe. Once again, I could see the blackness forming behind my lids, erasing any ray of light that could have salvaged me from this impending darkness. I tried to call out your name, but my voice betrayed me; I tried to reach out to grab a hold of you, but my limbs deceived me and remained resolutely debilitated; I wanted to get up and tell you that I would be alright, but the lies no longer formed in my mind.
I could feel you shuffling beside me, I could hear you screaming at the top of your lungs, I could feel you shaking me and wrapping me in the safety of your arms. I could feel the moistness of your tears on my face. I could feel the fear and dread of seeing our world getting trampled by that ticking bomb inside my head, that was now rejoicing in the devastation of us. I could feel you carrying me in your arms and rushing off to somewhere, perhaps to the hospital - the same place where all my hopes of recovering and resuscitating had been brutally eradicated. It was too late now, and perhaps this was it, perhaps this was how I saw my world crumbling and crashing down right in front of me. Perhaps, this was how we were going to be ripped apart forever. And perhaps, this was how the vows and promises of a forever were supposed to be broken.
The siren of the ambulance became louder than that ticking sound inside my head, for now, that bomb had gone off, and I could feel myself slowly slipping into the abyss of nihility. You laced your fingers fervently with the cold ones of mine, mumbling countless words into my ears, while I clenched my fist around your shirt, pulling you down. Once again, I found my eyes shutting themselves tightly, letting the tears flow down from the corners as I brought your face close to mine. "Keep your eyes open... " - you croaked out, but I couldn't afford to keep my eyes open only to see that pain and misery of mine reflecting in your eyes.
You pulled me into your arms, but your warmth couldn't reach me anymore. You held me tight, but I was loosely dangling over the rim of a world filled with sheer darkness. Another bolt of pain jolted through me, as I tried to let the stranded words break out of my lips. "I'll always love you, be it a world of abiding togetherness, or a world of nothingness." I murmured before rending myself away from you and succumbing to the end of us.