A Wind of Change

‘Look at the clouds, all of them have a story to tell. Hmmm, what those clouds tell you??’

I haven’t a clue; I dread he’s going to ask me this question.

I see a group of clouds, black, white and gray too, felt the breeze when I was coming up to his office.

‘I think the clouds, you know, they come as a group because it’s going to rain’?

‘Hmmm….That’s true. But see it in a different way’.

‘They are just clouds, bored out of their wit’, I started to rebel.

‘Hahaha, clever, but don’t you think they are created for something so bizarre, that you realise that you grow your life with them? 

Peculiar…

‘When the clouds are condensing white, you know it’s a dry day. There’s a feeling of happiness inside of you. When the clouds are beginning to get black and grey, then you know it’s going to rain. But after the rain, you can see the magnificent rainbow, yellow, orange light glowing from the hidden sun. Then you begin to feel joy once again’.

As he was saying it, the clouds change colours, into spectacular shades of pink, dark blue, black and grey.

“As they change colour, do you think it’s normal for a man to keep changing his, colours? Sometimes there is a little bit of struggle here and there. But as the years pass by you wouldn’t know there was such a thing as a struggle did exist.”

Jadan, I think that you should keep on telling who you are, and that nothing in the world can keep you away from it..

Who You Are that matter most… his serpent eyes just looking at me, not an inch moved, left or right. He was giving me the uneasiness, again.

 Kringgg “Hmmmm I guess it’s over for today, Jadan, remember you and clouds are interconnected”.

He told me such a story, I was feeling odd.

I went out, felt the breeze, breathe fresh air and cycled away from DR. Matthias Somasundram, my physiatrist. He’s been evaluating me since I was 10, but age has taken up with him, 67. Recently he just met with an accident, suffered concussions. Since the incident, everybody said he’s going whimsically bonkers. I felt sad for him, I knew him for 8 years, incognito.  

Ma, just how many times you want me to see him, he’s losing it and I don’t think he can give advices anymore..I sulkily said.

 I will hit you with these; my nana 4 foot 4 inches came out of the kitchen with a ladle. I was towering her with an extra 2 foot. I smiled; I loved her, as my own even when I know it’s a lie.

I heard it from her kids, my own mamma gave me away, she was taking drugs n all that shit, they say.

One day, it was going to rain, nana was outside taking the clothes, when my mamma came around, carrying me in a box.

“I was aghast, she was drenching in blood. No, nothing was coming out of her mouth except crying and whimpers. She was standing there with a box, bundle you up in a raggedy, old cloth and was begging me to take you in. When I did, then, she was out of sight. She loved you Jadan, I can see it through her eyes, which mother don’t love her child”, hmmmm sigh, nana said when I was about 10. 

But, she was cruel, my mother, how can she do that, I was angry but my Nana, she made the dark into light. She made me feel like a warrior, even when I was contemplating suicide. 

“Boy, who in the hell wants to charge you free, the Dr is doing whatever he feels right. He doesn’t want a thing for that matter and I’m happier to oblige. I reckon, that he is still talking you”, I was munching on a carrot? my nana asked.

I just nod. I trudge along the stairs to my room after I give her a big bear hug.

I call you when dinner is ready, my grandma said with a concern voice..

May you be in heaven before the devil realizes you are dead.

The thing about me is I’m hearing voices, eerie voices especially at night. A sinister distant voice is often left unheard, a wind of change, nebulous to the eyes, grotesque to hear. And today is not getting any better, as I have to flip burgers at Burger Kings. 

HA HA HA

Human

It's taste not common

I’ll bring you home, whether yes or no

Rip you whole

Devour you flesh and bone

Appetizing juice and meat

Shall I hunt you down?

Make fruits of you on the platter

Gulp gulp gulp, drink you whole

Exquisite,

HA HA HA……..

Sometimes He is with me all night long

Other times He is such a coward, won’t come out to answer my call

As long as he is not dancing in my brain, Dr Harriet Cheng

Crazy, as the crazys he in control, then I reckon I’m still in control.

.