The year of learning (and yearning)

2021 was achingly, bone-chillingly lonely 

Not even the alcohol I'm not supposed to drink could warm it up 

The large amount of lovers and dalliances didn't make it any easier 

In fact, they made it harder 

Because they made me realise how lonely I am, now that I am without you 

Sure, you may have played my heart like a fiddle 

And sure, I may even hate you a little 

Sure, you told more lies than I can count 

But those lies contained the best love I have ever found 

A safe place to store all of my anxiety and my unspeakable tales 

It's memories of us that makes me believe in love when everything else fails 

Which is silly, because you didn't love me 

But all of this dates back to 2018 

2021 was filled with women who wanted me with all their hearts 

And they wanted me with all of my pretty and ugly parts 

But all they did was make me remember that they're not you 

And that they were just placeholders I was keeping as I was trying to make do 

But it also taught me that love can be pure and healthy 

That love and light were not mutually exclusive, even for me 

That I could be treated like a person, not a princess perpetually in tears 

And this helped to assuage a lot of of my deepest fears 

They taught me that sex can feel good, even when it's not between us 

They taught me how to let go and they taught me how to trust 

And they taught me that someday I will be able to let somebody else in 

And someday, I'll know that being apart from you is the best thing