The Undefined Us

Love, a word so simple, yet so complicated… with the meaning in itself and for the definition for you and its definition for me…

It refined, defined, and signed many accords with the souls which thought everything was true… some for them, and some for theirs…

We love holding hands, but don’t wish to feel the warmth.

The warmth we feel, is from the fire in the fireplace, burnt in the loneliness, while sipping hot coffee and wearing Christmas socks, watching some movie all by ourselves thinking… “Love sucks.”

While looking out of the window watching the light snowflakes sticking to the ground yet everything else seems so dark.

The dark, the soothing dear dark… “Like I love you in the spaces of dark and soul” said one, but I loved you in the spaces beyond and in between.

I wondered how everything was so perfectly defined…

Your boundaries and my policy of crossing them pretending not seeing,

Your investment, and my satisfaction in whatever I was served.

No, not a blaming letter to shame you, you care, your words, and a lot of you that did not love me back,

But would you have… hadn’t you… or hadn’t I…?

The sweet little dark returns with the shadows of words and some yours…

Hadn’t I felt to feel once again the Sun, the things could have been different, in the awkward setting of light in my room, chasing all the pictures sticking to the closet door,

I ran! I ran out screaming like no one could hear, and then no one did…

And of course, it would go and past the phase… may be in a few days, months, or years

And then, I will look for you again, in the dark spaces between us,

“Have no wounds to show” you say, but forgot, I did… and they still hurt… like the love I gave and the love you didn’t to me…

But this time is maybe the last of all, I promise, I do…

No one would after you come looking for my soul, or I, finding comforting in their embrace…

I would let my skin crawl inside me until it dies like the shooting stars which I watched in the cold night while talking to you about them…

I will let my heart freeze until its too cold to touch and too stone to be thawed away with the warmth of the soul I touched in you when I was looking for your smile…

I ought not to let anyone touch the skin and beneath its flaws and perfections of the curves and my edges like I had let you relish while feeling you inside me, around me in every possible way… ever again.

Because a heartbreak happened once can be understood, felt and ached once and healed once with all the love, and the hate and everything in between felt in it.

Because all other times, it is ME… and that’s a wreck, my darling!