The Gift Of Pain

"Today so much happened in school, 

Saurav bhaiya proposed Anshika 

Sammy proposed Anu

My seniors whom I don't know very well 

Got caught while kissing, and

My class boys had an insane fight

Overeating each other tiffin"

I told my mother. 

"don't be many friends with Anshika and Anu and Sammy too."

She replied and continued to sweep the floor.

And I wondered if putting off

The baggage of feelings from the heart is a blunder. 

The first time I felt butterflies 

Fluttering in my stomach,

I was told that this feeling is wrong. 

Hence, I didn't let them free (even if I was eager to) 

To fly off through my mouth, and they died. 

They died but I felt their pain too; 

Eyes welled up, tears came out 

And fell on the bathroom floor.

And I wondered why this pain meant to be enclosed within four walls and not to be healed by a warm embrace,

Why having love as a feeling is a sin anyway. 

I got molested by my cousin brother 

I was scared, and I wanted this fear to be dissolved

In my mother's protest against this injustice,

But what if my freedom would be snatched away from me;

Because my mother thinks girls shouldn't be a rebel

Girls should always learn to hide from the monsters out there

Because monsters will never turn into angels.

And I wondered if this is what perseverance is 

And if I've to practice to bear this pain as I grow up.

As I grew up, confusion walked along with me

So, I asked my parents if this companion of mine 

Once walked with you too

They denied and instead gifted me

With another companion, responsibilities 

To walk with. 

Responsibilities and confusion weren't good friends 

So they fought and fought and my head ached.

But this pain when I shared

I was designated as abnormal,

And I wondered if being silent amidst all the pains is one of the signs of a normal being. 

Pain over pain over pain over pain

That scattered all over within me

Being homeless individually, decided

To build a home together.

The pain of unable to open up 

Got enclosed within me, 

And that was more painful even

'No pain no gain', it is said

But is it even true? 

What have I ever gained? 

I thought,

And I got answers in the form of 

Verses born from the pain's womb

Which connected with the souls resembling me.

We gave each other shoulders to lean on

Warm embraces, a mattress woven of words

Of hope, calmness, and validation to our existence. 

And at that moment I fell in love with pain

Because after so much loss, I have finally gained. 

A gain I haven't even thought about,

I'm finally able to silently scream and shout.