our time has ended
our time has ended


we both got off on the wrong foot at first
and I thought you were really impossible
to talk with. my inbox flooded with all your
doubts, questions and answers of stuff I
hadn't even started to grasp.
but as fate would have it we ended
up under the same supervisor, and
for a while I started to open up to
someone else in a long time.
during the holidays we shared our scars
and matched the cuts on our hearts
and then I knew you could bleed the same
as me, crimson and dark and deep.
when you told me about the overdose
and schizophrenia tests I felt elated
not a shred of sympathy, but joy I thought
"finally, I met a person who gets it".
I ripped my masks off, asked
you to do the
same. I punctured my lungs with screams
so hard that the himalayas would echo with
angst. I urged you to make a bet on which
of us would survive this hell on earth for a
year.
But you used me, threw me like a broken
puppet in the trash. I licked the bones you
threw at me, and ingested all the filth you
dumped on my soul (Yes I have a soul!).
I knew your love, I now know your hate
I also know that I came closer to understanding
who you were, more than anybody else in
this world ever will. I hate that I loved you.
I hate the part of my heart that still aches
to speak with you, yearns for your trust,
seeks your validation and is thirsty to
fulfill this need to be loved, again.