aftermath of a relationship
aftermath of a relationship


it feels suffocating to be alone with
my thoughts, twirling around in this
hazy quagmire.
I want to die
(swear to God, I want to die)
I don't want to listen to your voice
or fall prey to those idiosyncrasies
which I loved deeply.
For fuck's sake
I don't want to read your texts
and be swayed off my feet with
your "Honey, sweetie, darling..."
You ruined my life
took away every good thing
I had experienced and turned it
into a heap of dogshit and catpiss.
Don't pinch my nose
or squish my cheeks as if
kissing me would soothe me and
make it all hurt just a little less.
The biggest lie I've ever told
myself is that I didn't feel anything
towards you, yet all this while
I was prayi
ng and dying to spend the
rest of my life by your side.
I love you.
I love the smell of your hair,
your naughty smile,
your soft hands and fingers,
that motherly warmth every
time you hug me,
the way you make butterflies
fly around in my stomach
every time you call me.
Why? Oh, why did it have to end?
Was this affection just a facade
to manipulate me?
to abuse me?
to take up space in my brain
and tie a knot around my neck
with my intestines?
the moment I couldn't help you
anymore, you trampled over whatever
was left of my diginity and self-esteem.
I am no longer human
I am a shadow who fears the light
I am the tree with no fruit to give back
all because of you, bitch.