I Want To Be OK..

On top of the world, I wish to climb,

The highest mountain peak,

And, scream at the top of my voice,

"I am not okay",

The burning fire within, like the bushfire,

Maybe will be quenched then,

Maybe not, I'm dubious,

Suffering over the years,

Silently bearing all the harassments,

For the sake of peace,

For the sake of being a woman,

For the sake of what not,

Except for myself,

Has shaken my confidence,

I can't recollect, when was the last time,

I had looked straight into it,

My own eyes, in the mirror.

That day when marriage was fixed,

I couldn't say, "I'm not ok",

The love I had always wanted,

From a person who would,

Treat me well,

Unfortunately, when parents had failed,

To understand me,

What could I expect from a stranger?

The romantic in me,

Refused to believe the toxic,

Two sweet words melted me,

Even which usually followed,

An immediate scathing,

When I fell ill how I yearned,

For his loving touch,

Yet, what I got, was,

Allegations rife,

That time it was a life and death battle,

He performed his duties,

Responsibly as a good husband,

Yet, his shocking barbs,

Still, give me jitters.

Lack of earning,

Lack of emotional support,

My weakest point

Looking at the baby's face,

The societal conditioning,

Too many fetters tied to my feet,

Can I never be happy?

COVID happened,

How some still complain,

Sitting at home, to be unbearable,

How many refuse to,

Obey the protocols,

And, put others in danger,

And, here I'm, blank and vacant,

But, I'm grateful for this,

I've come face-to-face,

With my faults,

Expecting love and life,

From close ones,

Expecting them to listen to me,

Was indeed a grave mistake,

And, the worst part is,

Money is indeed required,

For personal security and happiness.

In this world full of masked men,

Love can wait,

Perhaps its backdated,

But money shouldn't,

A bitter pill I'm digesting,

All I know and can feel,

Mental health is at the lowest,

Yet, I stand helpless and defeated,

Will the situation change?

COVID will disappear one day,

But the plight of me,

Will it ever go?