Gardish : Circulation

A guy once told me that he loved everything about me,

And I assumed that he loved the fact that I take showers with water that's skin piercingly hot.

That majority of my clothes are blue and are made of denim,

That all I can think of every time I look at the streets from my window

Is how cool it would be if every thing was purple in color,

That I can't sleep properly if china dishes in my kitchen cabinet are not arranged according to size.

A guy once said that I make him complete,

And i wonder if he knew that no matter how deep

I breathe the vacuum in my lungs never seems to fill,

That there is a gnawing, hollowing darkness within me

That never goes away, even during golden hour,

That I am 21 and I cant solve a jigsaw puzzle all by myself

And the world out there expects me to solve my problems and deal with them,

That I have spent weeks trying to match the color of carpet with the colour of cushions

And never reached a conclusion.

A guy told me that he thinks I am perfect, and I wonder if

Someone told him that I make scented candles for a time pass,

That I pick the receiver of a dead phone and sing for hours ,

That I plant a tree every time somebody close to me dies,

That I have soil samples from different gardens that

I have spent afternoons witnessing innumerable sunsets preserved in plastic sealed pouches

A guy once told me that I make him feel like stopping in a spot

And I wonder if he knows that I watch myself go round and round all night,

Without getting tired.