When someone tells you who

When someone tells you who they are believe them

I love this quote from Maya Angelou, it has to be one of my favorites as it has been so eye-opening for me. A person will tell you all you need to know if only you will listen to them.

If they tell you they are an unreliable drunk, you better believe they know what they are talking about.

If they told you they cheated on every relationship, that's who they are.

If they joke and say they are controlling or jealous, trust and believe they are only giving you a sneak peek at a whole lot of ugly that is eventually coming your way.

But so many of us are so hard headed, especially us women who think... we can change them! Superwoman to the rescue! 

We tell ourselves if they fall in love with me, it will be different. We lie to ourselves, we poo poo the doubts away, we pretend that we didn't hear that red flag slapping us in the head over and over.

They will not change, this is the preview before the main event, except you were too busy eating popcorn to pay attention. 

Now look, I'm not saying people can't change. I'm all about change, at any age, after anything you've done but the difference here is this isn't past tense…

They didn't say...I was an unreliable drunk until I went to meetings and counseling and changed.  

No, there has been no redemption, no change has occurred, they are giving you blow by blow details of the current moment yet you chose not to believe them.

Why? Don't you think they know themselves better than you think you know them? Don't you think after 30, 40, or 50 years on Earth, they know who they are? What are they made of? But here you are just pretending they just said it's sunny out, while driving right into that thunderstorm that's coming straight for you.

When your well meaning friends would warn you from the beginning: “He doesn’t sound like a good match for you. His behavior seems a little sketchy.” "He's telling you who he is, listen But do they listen?

Nooooo... Their ego is way too big. Even though they saw the behavior, saw the red flags, they are still ignoring your advice. Because they thought they were “different.” That they are so special that they felt that they could change that person… just by being their wonderful, amazing selfs.

But it doesn't work that way, as AA taught me the first step is admitting you have a problem, if you don't do that you will never change. They will only change for two reasons if they love you and want you that much, which is rare or when and if they see it as a problem and unfortunately it has to be pretty bad for most men to seek out professional help.

So today my friends, I am begging you to listen, to hear what that person is telling you and to know that they know themselves better than anyone else even better than your big ego who thinks you can change them. Listen, wish them well and then run like hell! 

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats