What Good Did It Do?

I have no idea what kind of condition my heart and mind and soul will be in by the time we go out separate ways, but I guarantee it's not going to be pretty. I'd never had to grieve anyone until my husband died, and because I didn't have any type of stability in the first year, I kept myself from letting those emotions out.

When I got with Steven, I told him why I didn't grieve. He was supportive of me doing what I needed to do. It took me a few months to feel secure enough to start the process, and the entire time I was at my most vulnerable emotional state, the one person I thought I could trust did not miss any opportunity he found to chew me out. So, now I sit back here in his bedroom wondering what good it did me to trust him like that. 

The only thing I can hope for is that all this stuff is building back up the "tough skin" I used to have before Jeremy died. If not, I'll be at an even bigger loss.

Yes, I overanalyze things and people and situations, but it keeps me on my toes. In the process, I'm more aware of my surroundings and the people in them giving me the advantage to see things play out when "crap hits the fan".

Call it what you want, I call it smart.