Waiting for my Kanha

Radha dressed up in a pretty blue and white Ghaghra choli sat by the Yamuna, dipping her leg in it. She was lost in her thoughts. It felt like yesterday when she had met her Krishna for the last time.

Somehow they both were aware that it was their last meeting, maybe that's the power behind the divine and spiritual love they had. Both had tears flowing like a stream yet no words to utter. "Will you be back Kanha?" The question lingered in her mind but she never dared to ask. Maybe she was not ready for the answer.

 Although she knew Krishna will never return to Vrindavan as his new life in Gokul is about to start, his missions were long pending, his parents were behind the bars since ages, he has to avenge that and the death of his brothers/sisters who were killed brutally within minutes of their birth, how his maternal uncle has tortured numerous people even his parents.

Washing her feet in Yamuna, she wondered, "Does Yamuna misses him too?" After her daily chores, she would spends hours alongside Yamuna, closing her eyes. She could hear the sweet tune of Krishna's flute, how all the Gopis and her would dance to his tune, how her anger melted everytime when he played it.

It took her back to the time, when she broke his flute once in anger and then made a divine one for him, which Krishna would never keep it an inch away from him. It used to always be tucked in his yellow dhoti.

And the same flute Krishna broke before leaving Vrindavan. Radha didn't ask anything except that Krishna won't play the same tunes for anyone else.

And at that moment, Krishna broke it into pieces.

"My beloved. Don't think this as a disrespect to the gift you had given me. But if I don't have the flute, I can't play it. My dhuns are only for you. I love you the most in this world and nothing can change that."

Tears started flowing from her eyes. Few days back she heard the union of Krishna and Rukmini.

"Kanha, you said you loved me and just me. Why did you marry her then? Why didn't you take me with you? Is she more beautiful than me? Did you already forget me and our love? How could you Kanha?" These thoughts played in her head and she didn't realise when she started crying. 

Back of her mind, she knew Krishna had to go, leaving her behind. Everything he does is for a reason. He has tonnes of responsibilities. But her heart craved for him. They were inseparable. So much in love. In a fairytale. But how did this suddenly turned into a nightmare.

She remembers how Krishna had helped her handle the affairs of Barsana(her village), the day Radha became Radha Rani, the sarpanch. At a young age, she was handed over man

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y responsibilities as her father was ill. How brave she was to handle every obstruction. How her childhood friend manipulated her and her father to get married to her.

"Kanha. I can't marry him. I love you."

"And I love you priya Radhe. But some things are meant to happen."

"And you are okay with me not being yours? Marrying someone else? Building a family? Do you even love me Kanha?"

Krishna knew the truth and this was bound to happen. He had the calm smile on his face while his heart was crying. He remembered how Radha was cursed by one of the greatest bhakt of Krishna. How Shridhama was annoyed that the term RadhaKrishna used to exist in Golok, the place where divine forms of Radha Krishna used to stay. He was annoyed why Radha was addressed before Krishna. No one is greater than his lord. He was super annoyed. And how turn of events led to Shridhama cursing Radha to forget Krishna and his memories for 100 years.

And how they have to stay apart for 100 long years.

Krishna held her chin up 

"Some things can't be avoided Radha. You have promised your parent to marry Ayan and you must do so. The Radha I know, never breaks her promises especially the one made to her father."

Krishna's tears didn't stop the day Radha married Ayan and Krishna being a friend and a family member was equally available throughout the rituals.

Radha was lost in her thoughts leaning her head to a side, eyes closed and tears running, when something tickly and soft landed on her lap.

She opened her eyes to see a peacock feather.

"Kanhaa..??" She was startled. "Is he back? Is he here to take her? Has he finally realised they are not supposed to be away??" 

She hurriedly got up and looked everywhere to spot what her eyes wanted to see. But it was not her Kanha. It was a family of peacock, dancing. The dark clouds have captured the sky. It was about to rain.

"Radhaa Rani ..." She heard someone calling her.

She realised it was time to put on the brave face and get back to work. Be the sarpanch, handle village afairs and be their beloved Radha Rani.

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Hey if you have read till here, say Radhe Radhe. 

And imagine how great Radha would have been to sacrifice everything and just love someone without getting back anything. Maybe that is love. Its not about being together but loving each other without boundaries. 

And maybe thats the reason, Radha Krishna are still together beyond time, beyond space, beyong anything.

Jai Shree Radhakrishna. 🙏🏻