"Am I not attractive to you?, Were you forced to date me and get married to me?, Do you just want to see me suffer?" He threw questions at me without taking a moment to breath.
We just had one of the best wedding in the whole of Nigeria, in the famous Eko Hotel hall. I can still feel the scene of everything, the way our families smiled so proud, the way Brown and I looked at each other knowing fully well our dream came through.
Right now, all I see is the direct opposite, we enjoyed a moment of happiness, now it's the opposite. Like the saying goes, there is always two sides to a coin, and the same thing applies to scripture which says there is time for everyone. Now, is the time to weep and be sad, to be truthful because I got nowhere to hide.
He sat down on the bed and sighed, his hands rummaged through his hair, the suit that was well worn throughout the wedding ceremony now looked tattered on his body but despite that, he is still handsome.
Brown is frustrated, that I knew for sure but looking at him on the bed, I knew he was broken and he felt insulted. I managed to get my legs to move, I knelt down beside me while he looked at me with cold blooded eyes, I tried to find the right words but there was none and all I could do was cry like a baby.
Life can be so unimaginable, you tend to think you have found happiness and something to sooth your distress only to find out you just jumped from frypan to fire.
I tend to think tonight would be special, sweet and be the best moment of your life. Only a man know how it feels when he did not touch the woman he loves till wedding night, not because she is a virgin but because you respect her decision and due to your religious belief.
Man shall not live by bread alone and I have tried not too but today when I have to eat my special bread, I got nothing but flour. What a shame!
My bride was crying beside me. I could not give her the assurance that all will be well. It would have been nice if she said something or try to say something. Here, I thought she was my sanctuary but it seems she will take me to my early grave. There is more to her not wanting my touch,not just mine but every other man.
Now, I realize, I am the one that could not read between the lines, all those times she refused to be touched by my friends when they try to hug her even my father, I thought she did not want to be defiled in any sort of ways yet but I was a fool looking for an excuse for the woman I love.
"Are you going to be numb for life" I pester further but instead she cried harder and I felt pity for her because whatever or whoever made her to become this must have broken her till she gave in to defeat and all I want to know is who caused it.
She is a beautiful woman, fair in complexion, her hair so long and dark, her teeth as white as snow, she is the kind of woman no man can hide. Her statuses can be summarize as petite and one more thing, she is endowed in all the right places I wonder what kept a woman that has been wooed by many men to be a shadow of herself.
" I love you" Grace said with sincerity in her eyes
"Brown, I really love but I cannot allow you to touch me, I want you to but I cannot, I just can't, I do not know what to do but my body keeps running away from men's touch". I was stunned, although I was expecting it.
I stared at her not giving her a way to take her eyes off me.
"Why?, Why?, What is wrong?" I questioned her calmly because I knew I needed her to trust me or else I would end up asking why for the rest of my life.
"Because, I am attracted to women!!" She cried out loud.
"You are a lesbian?" I asked, of course I knew that is the answer and I watch as she went back to her numb state
I knew I had to say something, I needed to trust someone if I needed a way out and that's if there is a way out. If Brown loves me like he always said, he should be able to stand by me even when all is hard, I found my voice and told him I love him and blurted it out that I am a lesbian. Something I am ashamed of because my religion is strongly against it, but if I refuse to talk, I would be ashamed forever.
"You are a lesbian?, Are you not the one I met in church singing like heaven will fall?" He asked trying to make sense of what I said but I was scared and gave in to what I was best at doing.
"Are you not the same person that is always praying and fasting" I kept quiet, what do I have to say?.
All I did was watch him as he asked his numerous question. The funniest thing is that is what I love most about him, his questions, although it pisses a lot of people off . What they dislike about him, I love the most.